Do you make resolutions? If so, do you keep them?
Studies show the vast majority of folks who make resolutions end up failing to meet said promises. Shocking, right? I think the reason so many people fail is because they state a gigantic, almost unobtainable goal. Then, the icing on the cake? They set multiple goals, making it even more difficult!
Losing weight is a big goal. So is quitting smoking. So are a lot of the big lifestyle change resolutions. The thing is, one is tough, two? Really, REALLY tough.
When using the whole resolution-making time, I flash back to goal setting workshops and being SMART(acronym for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely). Usually, resolutions include a few of these, but without the full combination of SMART, there’s no blueprint for success.
A few years ago, I sat in on a workshop given by a business expert. As an entrepreneur, he discouraged business plans, instead opting for a marketing plan. Thinking being, if you set a marketing plan into motion, the business will follow. Makes sense to me!
So when it comes to resolutions, I make small, frequent changes the goal. Like, instead of resolving to lose 40 lbs., I’m resolving to get on the treadmill for 30 minutes every day. Keeping this promise means I will, in fact, lose the extra weight. Instead of resolving to be a kinder, gentler person, I’m resolving to meditate for a minimum of five minutes every day. If I do this, a calm will certainly follow. Instead of resolving to have my best financial year ever, in spite of a slow economy, I’m making the resolution to make a minimum of 100 new contacts per week, blog at least once per week on my other blogs, and finish one new chapter per week in “The Other End Of The Stethoscope #2.” Again, when I do these things, the success I want is sure to follow.
Instead of setting ginormous goals, this year, resolve to do the little things that lead to the successes you want!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008-The Year That Was
Since it’s December 31, I, like most everyone, am reflecting back on the last 365 days. Where was I a year ago? Physically, mentally, emotionally? What have I experienced, accomplished and learned from this year? Let’s just do some bloviating on the subject…
I’ve now spent one full calendar year as a married guy. Do I enjoy being married? Absolutely! For all the belly aching by comedians, friends and talk shows, you’d think marriage was a death sentence. Not so, Al Bundy. It is a constant challenge to meld the lives of two individuals, especially when each brings so much history to the table. Yet, every pinch, grumble or tense maritial situation is a teaching tool. At least, that’s how I’ve chosen to view it. In this year, I’ve learned a lot of ways to better control myself, give up control in unnecessary areas and be more Zen about my closest relationships. Lots of stuff learned in 08, but this is likely the most precious.
In August came the double whammy. My stepson, Jordan, left home and started his freshman year at the University of Florida. My stepdaughter, Maddison, made the wise and mature choice to re-create herself into the person she wants to be. That’s a wonderful thing…but it did lead to her choosing to do this by living with her father in Texas. In the span of 13 months, I went from single guy to stepfather to empty nester. Ain’t no one can say I move slow!
It was tough giving up both kids to the lives they’ve chosen, but ultimately, I’ve learned, that’s what every parent should hope for: children growing up healthy, happy and motivated to create the best life possible.
2008 was a weird sort of year, career wise. I learned that in business, if someone does not meet a set deadline, do not hesitate to end that working relationship…immediately. This came after being screwed around for a mere nine months by my graphic designer. Giving folks the benefit of the doubt is good, but at some point, it just becomes someone taking advantage of your good naturedness. Drawing boundaries with business relationships is just as valueable as interpersonal relationships.
Another business lesson from 08 is simply to trust my gut. In May, I parted ways with the college bureau which had been “booking” me for the previous year. Had I listened to my gut instead of empty promises, I could have saved a lot of time, money and stress. This situation also reinforced the old Simon & Garfunkel lyric, “A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.” I’ve never been a fan of people who take no personal responsibility, but I’ve found that in business, it’s even more distasteful.
And speaking of personal responsibility, I failed in some of my blogging goals. I have the goal to blog every day. In 2008? Not even close. I do, however, hope the quality of blog posts is more meaningful than quantity. Throw in the creation of “Drunk Driving Speaker” and “Health Care Speaker” blogs which began back in the spring and I hope my lack of Engel’s Ensights posts will be looked at as less of a failure, and more of an expansion.
2008 was the year of increased technology for yours truly, too. When I began the year, I was at the same point technologically as I’d been for the previous several years. Thanks to my good buddy in Houston, Ron Graham, I’ve absorbed some geeky technological advancements that have increased the quality of my life. First? The purchase of a Victor Reader Stream from Humanware. If you’re blind or know someone who is, this is a device which has changed my life…and will probably do the same for many others. Now, instead of carrying around a walkman-ish four track tape player with one book, I’m toting a smaller digital device with over 30 books at a time, not to mention dozens of movies, podcasts, voice notes and albums. It’s like having an entire accessible library at my fingertips-and let me tell ya, when you live on planes like I do, you’re looking for every bit of entertainment you can find!
Second big tech advance? My ability to text message with my Pantech Duo phone with accessible software. Granted, texting is nothing new, but since I’ve been able to text, it’s bonded me closer to my stepkids than anything else has been able to do. Gotta talk to them in their own language, after all!
In the span of a month this spring, I presented at two very different high schools with very different students, but both taught me a great lesson: people are just people.
See, in March, I presented for a small, private Catholic high school in the mid-west. This school gives low income, underprivledged kids the opportunity for a great education, coupling that with life skills on the job. The kids at St. Peter Claver, Cristo Rey High in Omaha turned out to be some of the most generous, loving, insightful students I’ve had the pleasure of working with.
The following month, I spoke for Rye Country Day High School in Rye, NY. This school is private, selective, wealthy and the students? Exactly the same as those in Omaha. People are just people. Kids are just kids. Love all people, treat everyone equally and fairly and I think you’ll find the majority of differences are only apparent if you’re looking for them.
Globally. Well, any genius can see our economic markets rise and fall (mostly falling). For a while, I sat in anxious silence, grinding my teeth together, feeling nauseous and fearing the entire economy will come tumbling down. Then? I’m left with an economy in which I cannot thrive nor survive. But alas, a wise man once said, “Change the things you can “(this would be my old principal, BTW). As best I could, I’ve let this turmoil go. Do I still fear a further downturn in our economy? Sure! But I refuse to let it seep into my every thought. Life is too short to worry.
Politically: Election years suck. I got so flipping sick of all the negative press, all the ridiculous promises of candidates, all the people that feel a new president will either make or break our country. Not so, not so. Now that we have a new president, I’m happy all the election stuff is over. I’m also excited to support our new leader and hope folks will remember one thing that’s often forgotten: at the end of the day, we’re all Americans (well, other than the people who aren’t Americans)
Geographically, I learned to love some new places this year. Namely, Austin, Texas and Los Angeles. Both cities bring along their fair share of stereotyping, but open your eyes to the positive and you’ll see it, same as with anything.
Were there other 2008 things I’d like to share? Sure! But this is a blog, not a novel. So, with that wrap up, I’ll bid a fond farewell to 2008, welcome 09 in with open arms and wish everyone a happy new year!
I’ve now spent one full calendar year as a married guy. Do I enjoy being married? Absolutely! For all the belly aching by comedians, friends and talk shows, you’d think marriage was a death sentence. Not so, Al Bundy. It is a constant challenge to meld the lives of two individuals, especially when each brings so much history to the table. Yet, every pinch, grumble or tense maritial situation is a teaching tool. At least, that’s how I’ve chosen to view it. In this year, I’ve learned a lot of ways to better control myself, give up control in unnecessary areas and be more Zen about my closest relationships. Lots of stuff learned in 08, but this is likely the most precious.
In August came the double whammy. My stepson, Jordan, left home and started his freshman year at the University of Florida. My stepdaughter, Maddison, made the wise and mature choice to re-create herself into the person she wants to be. That’s a wonderful thing…but it did lead to her choosing to do this by living with her father in Texas. In the span of 13 months, I went from single guy to stepfather to empty nester. Ain’t no one can say I move slow!
It was tough giving up both kids to the lives they’ve chosen, but ultimately, I’ve learned, that’s what every parent should hope for: children growing up healthy, happy and motivated to create the best life possible.
2008 was a weird sort of year, career wise. I learned that in business, if someone does not meet a set deadline, do not hesitate to end that working relationship…immediately. This came after being screwed around for a mere nine months by my graphic designer. Giving folks the benefit of the doubt is good, but at some point, it just becomes someone taking advantage of your good naturedness. Drawing boundaries with business relationships is just as valueable as interpersonal relationships.
Another business lesson from 08 is simply to trust my gut. In May, I parted ways with the college bureau which had been “booking” me for the previous year. Had I listened to my gut instead of empty promises, I could have saved a lot of time, money and stress. This situation also reinforced the old Simon & Garfunkel lyric, “A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.” I’ve never been a fan of people who take no personal responsibility, but I’ve found that in business, it’s even more distasteful.
And speaking of personal responsibility, I failed in some of my blogging goals. I have the goal to blog every day. In 2008? Not even close. I do, however, hope the quality of blog posts is more meaningful than quantity. Throw in the creation of “Drunk Driving Speaker” and “Health Care Speaker” blogs which began back in the spring and I hope my lack of Engel’s Ensights posts will be looked at as less of a failure, and more of an expansion.
2008 was the year of increased technology for yours truly, too. When I began the year, I was at the same point technologically as I’d been for the previous several years. Thanks to my good buddy in Houston, Ron Graham, I’ve absorbed some geeky technological advancements that have increased the quality of my life. First? The purchase of a Victor Reader Stream from Humanware. If you’re blind or know someone who is, this is a device which has changed my life…and will probably do the same for many others. Now, instead of carrying around a walkman-ish four track tape player with one book, I’m toting a smaller digital device with over 30 books at a time, not to mention dozens of movies, podcasts, voice notes and albums. It’s like having an entire accessible library at my fingertips-and let me tell ya, when you live on planes like I do, you’re looking for every bit of entertainment you can find!
Second big tech advance? My ability to text message with my Pantech Duo phone with accessible software. Granted, texting is nothing new, but since I’ve been able to text, it’s bonded me closer to my stepkids than anything else has been able to do. Gotta talk to them in their own language, after all!
In the span of a month this spring, I presented at two very different high schools with very different students, but both taught me a great lesson: people are just people.
See, in March, I presented for a small, private Catholic high school in the mid-west. This school gives low income, underprivledged kids the opportunity for a great education, coupling that with life skills on the job. The kids at St. Peter Claver, Cristo Rey High in Omaha turned out to be some of the most generous, loving, insightful students I’ve had the pleasure of working with.
The following month, I spoke for Rye Country Day High School in Rye, NY. This school is private, selective, wealthy and the students? Exactly the same as those in Omaha. People are just people. Kids are just kids. Love all people, treat everyone equally and fairly and I think you’ll find the majority of differences are only apparent if you’re looking for them.
Globally. Well, any genius can see our economic markets rise and fall (mostly falling). For a while, I sat in anxious silence, grinding my teeth together, feeling nauseous and fearing the entire economy will come tumbling down. Then? I’m left with an economy in which I cannot thrive nor survive. But alas, a wise man once said, “Change the things you can “(this would be my old principal, BTW). As best I could, I’ve let this turmoil go. Do I still fear a further downturn in our economy? Sure! But I refuse to let it seep into my every thought. Life is too short to worry.
Politically: Election years suck. I got so flipping sick of all the negative press, all the ridiculous promises of candidates, all the people that feel a new president will either make or break our country. Not so, not so. Now that we have a new president, I’m happy all the election stuff is over. I’m also excited to support our new leader and hope folks will remember one thing that’s often forgotten: at the end of the day, we’re all Americans (well, other than the people who aren’t Americans)
Geographically, I learned to love some new places this year. Namely, Austin, Texas and Los Angeles. Both cities bring along their fair share of stereotyping, but open your eyes to the positive and you’ll see it, same as with anything.
Were there other 2008 things I’d like to share? Sure! But this is a blog, not a novel. So, with that wrap up, I’ll bid a fond farewell to 2008, welcome 09 in with open arms and wish everyone a happy new year!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Would You Give A Gift To A Brat You Don't Know?
Last night on a Southwest Airlines flight, Marvelyne and I were seated in front of an unaccompanied eight year old kid. Even with as much as I love kids, unaccompanied children on flights can sometimes be a challenge. This kid was to prove to be no exception to the rule!
The flight attendant seated a gentleman in the same row as the boy. The man, a good-natured, slow talking Texan, had a good spirit around him and happily accepted his role as partial babysitter. When he sat down, he immediately engaged the kid on a kid’s level; asking him questions about who he’d been visiting in Florida, where he lived, what grade he was in, what he wanted for Christmas, etc.
With the question about Christmas gifts, the boy said he wanted a double barrel Nerf shotgun. I doubt the gentleman is up on the latest Nerf products, so he asked the boy, “Do you have a Wii?” The boy answered, “Well, I want one, but my mom can’t afford it, so I’m asking for the Nerf gun.”
For a third grader to understand a parent’s financial issues is one thing. For that same kid to take it to the next level and want to help is another.
When the flight attendants started handing out beverages, the boy asked, “What’s the cheapest drink you have?”
Think about that for a second, folks…he’s a third grader on a cross country flight. Literally, Fort Lauderdale to Oakland, CA. He’s been away from home for eight days. He’s aware his mom is strapped for cash. He’s changed his wish list to accommodate what Mom can afford. Now, he’s taking it upon himself to be sure he’s purchasing the cheapest thing they have (BTW, everyone around him smiled when he got excited since the drinks are all free!)
Sweet, sensitive kid, huh? Not so much…
For the rest of the flight, he proceeded to kick the chair in front of him, to literally yell out for 10 seconds at a time, to play loudly with his G.I. Joes, to whistle and, in general, be a total pest. By the time we landed in Austin, I was glad to be getting off the plane.
As we taxied to the gate, the gentleman next to him handed him something. I’m not 100% sure what it was, but I figure it was money. He said to the boy, “Do you think if I give this to you, you can hang onto it and give it to your mom?” “Yes, I’ll put it in my wallet right now,” the boy answered. “You tell your mom to have a merry Christmas…and you do the same, okay?” The kid agreed.
Folks, there wasn’t anyone within earshot who didn’t have tears in their eyes. Maybe it’s because it’s Christmas. Maybe this is the kind of thing this man would do year round. Maybe it was feeling sorry for the kid’s financial plight.
Whatever it was, I want to be more like this Texan. Frankly, by the time I’d listened to the kid whistling loudly for an hour, I was just ready to remove myself from his presence. But this guy gave the kid grace, generosity and compassion-something I think I may lack. Even with all that annoyance from the flight, he still went back to wanting to help the little boy in the seat next to him…that same little kid who asked about soda prices and wanted to be sure his mama could afford his Christmas gifts.
What can you do to be more generous this time of year? Actually, any time during the year? And are you like this Texan? Willing to bend over backwards to help those less fortunate? Even if those less fortunate folks are annoying?
This was a Christmas Eve I’ll never forget…mainly because I want to work all year long at being like this Texan. I hope you’ll do the same.
The flight attendant seated a gentleman in the same row as the boy. The man, a good-natured, slow talking Texan, had a good spirit around him and happily accepted his role as partial babysitter. When he sat down, he immediately engaged the kid on a kid’s level; asking him questions about who he’d been visiting in Florida, where he lived, what grade he was in, what he wanted for Christmas, etc.
With the question about Christmas gifts, the boy said he wanted a double barrel Nerf shotgun. I doubt the gentleman is up on the latest Nerf products, so he asked the boy, “Do you have a Wii?” The boy answered, “Well, I want one, but my mom can’t afford it, so I’m asking for the Nerf gun.”
For a third grader to understand a parent’s financial issues is one thing. For that same kid to take it to the next level and want to help is another.
When the flight attendants started handing out beverages, the boy asked, “What’s the cheapest drink you have?”
Think about that for a second, folks…he’s a third grader on a cross country flight. Literally, Fort Lauderdale to Oakland, CA. He’s been away from home for eight days. He’s aware his mom is strapped for cash. He’s changed his wish list to accommodate what Mom can afford. Now, he’s taking it upon himself to be sure he’s purchasing the cheapest thing they have (BTW, everyone around him smiled when he got excited since the drinks are all free!)
Sweet, sensitive kid, huh? Not so much…
For the rest of the flight, he proceeded to kick the chair in front of him, to literally yell out for 10 seconds at a time, to play loudly with his G.I. Joes, to whistle and, in general, be a total pest. By the time we landed in Austin, I was glad to be getting off the plane.
As we taxied to the gate, the gentleman next to him handed him something. I’m not 100% sure what it was, but I figure it was money. He said to the boy, “Do you think if I give this to you, you can hang onto it and give it to your mom?” “Yes, I’ll put it in my wallet right now,” the boy answered. “You tell your mom to have a merry Christmas…and you do the same, okay?” The kid agreed.
Folks, there wasn’t anyone within earshot who didn’t have tears in their eyes. Maybe it’s because it’s Christmas. Maybe this is the kind of thing this man would do year round. Maybe it was feeling sorry for the kid’s financial plight.
Whatever it was, I want to be more like this Texan. Frankly, by the time I’d listened to the kid whistling loudly for an hour, I was just ready to remove myself from his presence. But this guy gave the kid grace, generosity and compassion-something I think I may lack. Even with all that annoyance from the flight, he still went back to wanting to help the little boy in the seat next to him…that same little kid who asked about soda prices and wanted to be sure his mama could afford his Christmas gifts.
What can you do to be more generous this time of year? Actually, any time during the year? And are you like this Texan? Willing to bend over backwards to help those less fortunate? Even if those less fortunate folks are annoying?
This was a Christmas Eve I’ll never forget…mainly because I want to work all year long at being like this Texan. I hope you’ll do the same.
Are You As Fair As A Dog?
People who are unfair have less intelligence than dogs.
Bold statement, huh? Not to insult our incredibly bright canine friends, but more to show the low aptitude and lack of compassion/empathy of some people.
The University of Portsmouth in England has a new study on dogs…and humans should take a lesson.
Researchers took two dogs, asked each to shake, both did. However, they rewarded only one dog. Next experiment? Same thing…same two dogs, asked them to shake, dogs extended a paw, but the same dog got the treat again. Rinse and repeat.
After doing this several times, the unrewarded dog refused to participate and actually started treating the other dog badly. Researchers hypothesized that dogs can truly understand fairness and even feel such complex emotions as guilt, jealousy, embarrassment and resentment.
Here we are at the holidays. A time we all give gifts to one another, generosity is at it’s peak, it’s just a good time to give and receive…unless you have that one infuriating and unfair person in your life. You know, the kind of person who gives a Nintendo Wii for a brother, but socks and underware for his sister. Or take the example of adults having a favorite child (which is really crappy parenting, BTW). They’ll shower gifts in bulk on one child, but his/her siblings get little to nothing.
Kids pick up on unfairness. They see it. And if you’re the kid on the short end of the stick, it hurts. And you remember it. And…no matter how old you are, if you’re the adult child being treated unfairly by the previous generation, it hurts you as bad as the little sister who only got socks.
I’m lucky. While total, 110% equality is impossible, I had parents who did their level best to be sure my sister and I were treated fairly. And when we went to my grandparents’ house? Same thing-approximately the same amount of money was spent on gifts. And if one kid had a $100 gift, but the other had 10 $10 gifts, the gift givers (maybe it was Santa? Who knows?!) found several inexpensive (or free) gifts to wrap for the kid who got the big thing. Again, dollar amounts were as close to identical as possible, so were the numbers of gifts. It only makes sense, doesn’t it? So why do some people choose to treat their recipients with so much inequity?
It doesn’t take a genius to figure how much it hurts children, even adult children, when there is inequity without even a hint of fairness. Now that I have stepchildren of my own, the one thing I hope I always do is practice fairness and equality toward each of them.
Folks, unfairness and inequality among family members is something that just makes my blood boil. I simply cannot understand how some gift givers are so emotionally unintelligent as to not only participate in inequality, but some even seem to thrive in it!
It’s Christmas. It’s a time for families. It’s a time for generosity. It’s a time for bonding. Yet, nothing can break down those bonds faster than the simple observance of inequality.
Please, faithful reader, practice justice in gift giving. Maybe instead of holiday cheer, we should really be focused on holiday fairness. If our four legged friends feel it, then your human relatives certainly will, too.
Here’s to holiday fairness for all!
Bold statement, huh? Not to insult our incredibly bright canine friends, but more to show the low aptitude and lack of compassion/empathy of some people.
The University of Portsmouth in England has a new study on dogs…and humans should take a lesson.
Researchers took two dogs, asked each to shake, both did. However, they rewarded only one dog. Next experiment? Same thing…same two dogs, asked them to shake, dogs extended a paw, but the same dog got the treat again. Rinse and repeat.
After doing this several times, the unrewarded dog refused to participate and actually started treating the other dog badly. Researchers hypothesized that dogs can truly understand fairness and even feel such complex emotions as guilt, jealousy, embarrassment and resentment.
Here we are at the holidays. A time we all give gifts to one another, generosity is at it’s peak, it’s just a good time to give and receive…unless you have that one infuriating and unfair person in your life. You know, the kind of person who gives a Nintendo Wii for a brother, but socks and underware for his sister. Or take the example of adults having a favorite child (which is really crappy parenting, BTW). They’ll shower gifts in bulk on one child, but his/her siblings get little to nothing.
Kids pick up on unfairness. They see it. And if you’re the kid on the short end of the stick, it hurts. And you remember it. And…no matter how old you are, if you’re the adult child being treated unfairly by the previous generation, it hurts you as bad as the little sister who only got socks.
I’m lucky. While total, 110% equality is impossible, I had parents who did their level best to be sure my sister and I were treated fairly. And when we went to my grandparents’ house? Same thing-approximately the same amount of money was spent on gifts. And if one kid had a $100 gift, but the other had 10 $10 gifts, the gift givers (maybe it was Santa? Who knows?!) found several inexpensive (or free) gifts to wrap for the kid who got the big thing. Again, dollar amounts were as close to identical as possible, so were the numbers of gifts. It only makes sense, doesn’t it? So why do some people choose to treat their recipients with so much inequity?
It doesn’t take a genius to figure how much it hurts children, even adult children, when there is inequity without even a hint of fairness. Now that I have stepchildren of my own, the one thing I hope I always do is practice fairness and equality toward each of them.
Folks, unfairness and inequality among family members is something that just makes my blood boil. I simply cannot understand how some gift givers are so emotionally unintelligent as to not only participate in inequality, but some even seem to thrive in it!
It’s Christmas. It’s a time for families. It’s a time for generosity. It’s a time for bonding. Yet, nothing can break down those bonds faster than the simple observance of inequality.
Please, faithful reader, practice justice in gift giving. Maybe instead of holiday cheer, we should really be focused on holiday fairness. If our four legged friends feel it, then your human relatives certainly will, too.
Here’s to holiday fairness for all!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Arrogance and Entitlement
Until last evening, I’d never heard of former CT governor, John Rowland. Even as closely as I watch politics, Rowland’s time in the limelight was nearly five years ago-before I kept close tabs on such things.
However, if you’re from CT, you probably know the governor as a crook. And he is-self admittedly.
See, with all the hoopla about the current governor situation in Illinois, much more attention is being paid to other political figures controversial doings. Rowland doesn’t have anything quite as blatant on his record as the current IL governor, but nonetheless, the law is the law…and Rowland broke that law. He resigned from office in 2004, admitted his mistake, was found guilty and served 10 months in a federal pen in Pennsylvania.
Last night, I was flipping around the tube and found Mike Huckabee’s show on Fox News. Rowland was Huckabee’s guest and spoke openly and candidly of his illegal affairs. I’m quick to write off lawbreakers as crooks, especially politicians. Rowland is no different, but after his interview, I cut the guy a little slack. Why, when I despise pretty much all politicians, would I give grace to an admitted crook? Simple: we all make mistakes. When one admits those mistakes and openly (and honestly) tries to right that wrong, I’m a little more compassionate. Rowland, from what I gathered last night, ain’t just blowing smoke. He seemed genuinely sorry for his deeds and doesn’t try to redirect the public eye from his wrongdoings.
When Huckabee asked Rowland why he committed his crimes, Rowland spoke about his arrogance. An elected politician since the young age of 23, Rowland worked his way up through the CT political scene until he was elected three times-the first trice elected CT governor in over 200 years, not to mention the youngest CT governor ever.
But, he said, he started believing his own press releases. He actually believed all the butt kissing yes men around him, started feeling as though laws didn’t apply to him and, well, his actions got him caught by the feds. He very plainly says he was arrogant, felt a great sense of entitlement and the combination of these two were the ingredients that led to his downfall.
Again, my Rowland knowledge comes from reading about him on Wikipedia just now, and a 10 minute interview last night. I’m not well educated enough to comment if he’s a great guy, or a crook per sey, but I do agree with his summations on arrogance and entitlement.
When one starts believing the great things people say about them, there’s trouble afoot. This is a personal thing for me-and a fine line to walk for most every speaker I know.
In my business, where self promotion is the name of the game, this is an easy trap to fall into-and I never, EVER want to start thinking I’m something great. Instead, I think the information I have is great. That information is the thing which keeps the audience and my readership asking for more. I’m not cool enough to be the guy on my press releases, but I do know there is information I have which has helped me-and can help others.
If I ever stop distinguishing between the two, someone tell me, okay? I’ll never do something so disingenuous I’ll do time, but my integrity will always be something I’ll work hard to preserve.
However, if you’re from CT, you probably know the governor as a crook. And he is-self admittedly.
See, with all the hoopla about the current governor situation in Illinois, much more attention is being paid to other political figures controversial doings. Rowland doesn’t have anything quite as blatant on his record as the current IL governor, but nonetheless, the law is the law…and Rowland broke that law. He resigned from office in 2004, admitted his mistake, was found guilty and served 10 months in a federal pen in Pennsylvania.
Last night, I was flipping around the tube and found Mike Huckabee’s show on Fox News. Rowland was Huckabee’s guest and spoke openly and candidly of his illegal affairs. I’m quick to write off lawbreakers as crooks, especially politicians. Rowland is no different, but after his interview, I cut the guy a little slack. Why, when I despise pretty much all politicians, would I give grace to an admitted crook? Simple: we all make mistakes. When one admits those mistakes and openly (and honestly) tries to right that wrong, I’m a little more compassionate. Rowland, from what I gathered last night, ain’t just blowing smoke. He seemed genuinely sorry for his deeds and doesn’t try to redirect the public eye from his wrongdoings.
When Huckabee asked Rowland why he committed his crimes, Rowland spoke about his arrogance. An elected politician since the young age of 23, Rowland worked his way up through the CT political scene until he was elected three times-the first trice elected CT governor in over 200 years, not to mention the youngest CT governor ever.
But, he said, he started believing his own press releases. He actually believed all the butt kissing yes men around him, started feeling as though laws didn’t apply to him and, well, his actions got him caught by the feds. He very plainly says he was arrogant, felt a great sense of entitlement and the combination of these two were the ingredients that led to his downfall.
Again, my Rowland knowledge comes from reading about him on Wikipedia just now, and a 10 minute interview last night. I’m not well educated enough to comment if he’s a great guy, or a crook per sey, but I do agree with his summations on arrogance and entitlement.
When one starts believing the great things people say about them, there’s trouble afoot. This is a personal thing for me-and a fine line to walk for most every speaker I know.
In my business, where self promotion is the name of the game, this is an easy trap to fall into-and I never, EVER want to start thinking I’m something great. Instead, I think the information I have is great. That information is the thing which keeps the audience and my readership asking for more. I’m not cool enough to be the guy on my press releases, but I do know there is information I have which has helped me-and can help others.
If I ever stop distinguishing between the two, someone tell me, okay? I’ll never do something so disingenuous I’ll do time, but my integrity will always be something I’ll work hard to preserve.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Courageous Heart
Over the last few years, I’ve written several blogs and newsletters about the DeWalle family in St. Louis. Barb DeWalle is my favorite nurse from my tour of duty in Barnes Hospital and someone you may have read about in, “After This…”
One of my first conversations with Barb was about her son, Mark. We share a name (though a different spelling), we were teenagers at the same time and, most importantly, we both played (and loved) football. Mark was a member of the state champion Mehlville Panthers football team during his senior year of high school. Ain’t too many high school players can say that!
A few years after high school, Mark was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. He took the chemo and fight head on and beat it…for a few years. When the recurrence of this cancer came back, Mark knew his chances of beating it again were slim. He put up a gallant effort, but ultimately made the decision to take control of his own life…and refused any further treatments.
Before he finally passed away in June of 07, he spoke with his family about leaving a legacy which meant so much to him: Mehlville football. Soon after his death, the Mark DeWalle Courageous Heart medal was created. This award is given every year to a Mehlville High School football player who shows great promise of overcoming adversity and keeping a positive attitude.
What’s more, Mark’s older brother, John, handed out the medal since he’s a Mehlville football coach. On Mark’s blog (which his mom, Barb, keeps updated) is his brother’s speech as the medal was awarded to this year’s recipient.
If you’re a former athlete, or the parent of a high school athlete, I hope you’ll take a look at:
www.MarkDewalle.com
and see some of the things John said-truer words could not have been spoken. Football is more than just a high school sport-it’s a teaching tool to help the development of young men, turning them from immature boys into adults who face challenges head on. And I’m one of these guys, too…
Scroll down to Barb’s post from Dec. 9 to see John’s speech and the announcement of the winner of the Mark DeWalle Courageous Heart medal.
One of my first conversations with Barb was about her son, Mark. We share a name (though a different spelling), we were teenagers at the same time and, most importantly, we both played (and loved) football. Mark was a member of the state champion Mehlville Panthers football team during his senior year of high school. Ain’t too many high school players can say that!
A few years after high school, Mark was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. He took the chemo and fight head on and beat it…for a few years. When the recurrence of this cancer came back, Mark knew his chances of beating it again were slim. He put up a gallant effort, but ultimately made the decision to take control of his own life…and refused any further treatments.
Before he finally passed away in June of 07, he spoke with his family about leaving a legacy which meant so much to him: Mehlville football. Soon after his death, the Mark DeWalle Courageous Heart medal was created. This award is given every year to a Mehlville High School football player who shows great promise of overcoming adversity and keeping a positive attitude.
What’s more, Mark’s older brother, John, handed out the medal since he’s a Mehlville football coach. On Mark’s blog (which his mom, Barb, keeps updated) is his brother’s speech as the medal was awarded to this year’s recipient.
If you’re a former athlete, or the parent of a high school athlete, I hope you’ll take a look at:
www.MarkDewalle.com
and see some of the things John said-truer words could not have been spoken. Football is more than just a high school sport-it’s a teaching tool to help the development of young men, turning them from immature boys into adults who face challenges head on. And I’m one of these guys, too…
Scroll down to Barb’s post from Dec. 9 to see John’s speech and the announcement of the winner of the Mark DeWalle Courageous Heart medal.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Weird Relatives And What We Can Learn From Them
Do you have anyone goofy in your family? Ya know, that one weird uncle who can’t speak a sentence without mentioning duck hunting. Or the aunt who has more cats than bedrooms. Or the cousin who believes every conspiracy theory ever uttered. Sure you do-we’ve all got someone like this!
In my family, we have an extended relative who is kinda an odd bird, but totally harmless. And after being around him a little on this trip home, I realized something I’d never really noticed before.
Let me paint you a little portrait…
This guy is around 60, retired and lives in small town Missouri. Several years ago, he and his wife renewed their vows…but not only did the ceremony have the usual re-commitment of husband to wife (and vice versa), this ceremony included something more: interpretive dancers.
Now, my family are salt of the earth, pragmatic, sensible mid-westerners. They are NOT the type of folk who even know what interpretive dance is, much less would pay interpretive dancers to display their art. Yet? There they were! Flitting around the church sanctuary, trailing those ten foot long streamers from dowl rods, making quite the spectacle!
And this fella rides a scooter. One of those 50 cc engine motorbikes you might see ridden around college campuses or retirement villages-but NOT on state highways through cornfields and past farms.
Another thing? He crochets! Seriously, crochets! I did some latch hook as a kid, and I tried to cross stitch once with my grandma on vacation, but a seamstress (seamster?) I am not! And how many people (much less men) even still know this lost art?
All these eccentric things are just the tip of the iceberg. The stories can go on for hours about other things this relative has been involved in over the years.
And yet? He just doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He rides his scooter, he crochets blankets for his grandkids-and he doesn’t care that these things are looked upon by others with a bit of a raised eyebrow. He’s either incredibly secure with who he is-or he’s oblivious to the fact his lifestyle choices are, well, kinda odd for who he is.
But he does everything with a gusto and passion for life, never incumbered by stereotypes or the desire to impress people.
That, faithful reader, is something I, too, would like to strive for. So often, we don’t do what we want and love, but we do what we think others expect. To put aside all opinions and just live life on one’s own terms is impressive-and I want to be a little more like my weird relative.
In my family, we have an extended relative who is kinda an odd bird, but totally harmless. And after being around him a little on this trip home, I realized something I’d never really noticed before.
Let me paint you a little portrait…
This guy is around 60, retired and lives in small town Missouri. Several years ago, he and his wife renewed their vows…but not only did the ceremony have the usual re-commitment of husband to wife (and vice versa), this ceremony included something more: interpretive dancers.
Now, my family are salt of the earth, pragmatic, sensible mid-westerners. They are NOT the type of folk who even know what interpretive dance is, much less would pay interpretive dancers to display their art. Yet? There they were! Flitting around the church sanctuary, trailing those ten foot long streamers from dowl rods, making quite the spectacle!
And this fella rides a scooter. One of those 50 cc engine motorbikes you might see ridden around college campuses or retirement villages-but NOT on state highways through cornfields and past farms.
Another thing? He crochets! Seriously, crochets! I did some latch hook as a kid, and I tried to cross stitch once with my grandma on vacation, but a seamstress (seamster?) I am not! And how many people (much less men) even still know this lost art?
All these eccentric things are just the tip of the iceberg. The stories can go on for hours about other things this relative has been involved in over the years.
And yet? He just doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He rides his scooter, he crochets blankets for his grandkids-and he doesn’t care that these things are looked upon by others with a bit of a raised eyebrow. He’s either incredibly secure with who he is-or he’s oblivious to the fact his lifestyle choices are, well, kinda odd for who he is.
But he does everything with a gusto and passion for life, never incumbered by stereotypes or the desire to impress people.
That, faithful reader, is something I, too, would like to strive for. So often, we don’t do what we want and love, but we do what we think others expect. To put aside all opinions and just live life on one’s own terms is impressive-and I want to be a little more like my weird relative.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Morton, Plant, Mease Health Care
On Monday, December 8, I was the honored speaker for the nurse managers of Morton, Plant, Mease Health Care at Morton-Plant Hospital in Clearwater, FL. Always exciting to share my message, but double that excitement to work with nurse managers who can carry that learning back to their floor nurses!
Special thanks to Robin Lapham for helping arrange the event and for being such a thorough client! Always makes my job easier when my clients are on top of their game as you are, Robin! Thanks!
Special thanks to Robin Lapham for helping arrange the event and for being such a thorough client! Always makes my job easier when my clients are on top of their game as you are, Robin! Thanks!
Saturday, December 06, 2008
It's Fine To Want...Just Don't Expect
It’s a Saturday morning and I’ve been feeling lazy ever since I woke up. So, instead of doing any work, I made a pot of coffee, grabbed my Victor Stream (blind guy’s audio reading device) and stepped out onto the back porch to finish Melissa Bank’s, “The Wonder Spot.”
All the bad economic news this week has left me in a bit of a tither. Not pulling my hair out yet, but watching the market surge and fall is enough to make anyone want a Maalox I.V. So, with my laziness today, I was excited to get lost in the story of Sophie for a while in “The Wonder Spot.”
Today’s revelation from Sophie was about expectation. Here she is a 30-something working in a dead end advertising job for the last dozen years. She doesn’t love it, it’s just a job to her. She looks around at her boyfriend (a doctor), her brother (a white collar businessman), her best friend (a playwrite) and her co-worker (a born editor). Everyone but her, she feels, has a calling to do what they’re doing. But then she looks around. The guy on the corner selling hot dogs probably never drempt of doing what he’s doing. The people going to their jobs on the subway? Same story. Only some people are lucky enough to be able to answer their calling. Sophie, she knows, is not one of them.
Then, by letting a little of her resentment go, she realizes it’s not wrong to want more-but it is wrong to expect it.
That’s almost a direct quote (but don’t quote me on it since I’m kinda anal about copyright infringement). Here, again: It’s not wrong to want more, but it is wrong to expect it.
I am so, SO lucky in my life. I have a fabulous life all around; family, career, financial security, creature comforts, sense of meaning-I’m just plain lucky. Do I want more? Absolutely! I want to earn enough money to have a thatch hut by the ocean in Bermuda, I want a log cabin in the northwoods of Minnesota, I want a condo in downtown Austin, I want to be able to buy every guitar ever played by Johnny Cash, I want to be able to eat at a fine restaurant every night, then have the dough to pay the plastic surgeon to give me a tummy tuck from excess calorie intake-I just want more!
Yet, if I come to expect more, then it doesn’t happen, I’m left disappointed and unappreciative of what I have. Expectation is just one step away from entitlement-and that is a one way ticket to lifelong disappointment.
Appreciate what you have. Feel free to want more. And do everything you can to get more. But don’t expect it will happen-living in expectation is certain to leave you disappointed if something doesn’t come to fruition.
All the bad economic news this week has left me in a bit of a tither. Not pulling my hair out yet, but watching the market surge and fall is enough to make anyone want a Maalox I.V. So, with my laziness today, I was excited to get lost in the story of Sophie for a while in “The Wonder Spot.”
Today’s revelation from Sophie was about expectation. Here she is a 30-something working in a dead end advertising job for the last dozen years. She doesn’t love it, it’s just a job to her. She looks around at her boyfriend (a doctor), her brother (a white collar businessman), her best friend (a playwrite) and her co-worker (a born editor). Everyone but her, she feels, has a calling to do what they’re doing. But then she looks around. The guy on the corner selling hot dogs probably never drempt of doing what he’s doing. The people going to their jobs on the subway? Same story. Only some people are lucky enough to be able to answer their calling. Sophie, she knows, is not one of them.
Then, by letting a little of her resentment go, she realizes it’s not wrong to want more-but it is wrong to expect it.
That’s almost a direct quote (but don’t quote me on it since I’m kinda anal about copyright infringement). Here, again: It’s not wrong to want more, but it is wrong to expect it.
I am so, SO lucky in my life. I have a fabulous life all around; family, career, financial security, creature comforts, sense of meaning-I’m just plain lucky. Do I want more? Absolutely! I want to earn enough money to have a thatch hut by the ocean in Bermuda, I want a log cabin in the northwoods of Minnesota, I want a condo in downtown Austin, I want to be able to buy every guitar ever played by Johnny Cash, I want to be able to eat at a fine restaurant every night, then have the dough to pay the plastic surgeon to give me a tummy tuck from excess calorie intake-I just want more!
Yet, if I come to expect more, then it doesn’t happen, I’m left disappointed and unappreciative of what I have. Expectation is just one step away from entitlement-and that is a one way ticket to lifelong disappointment.
Appreciate what you have. Feel free to want more. And do everything you can to get more. But don’t expect it will happen-living in expectation is certain to leave you disappointed if something doesn’t come to fruition.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Christmas In Prison
Nah, no incarceration for yours truly...not yet, at least!
I just placed John Prine's "Christmas in Prison" as the song for my MySpace profile. Prine is second only to Dylan in the whole folk singer category (a bold statement and well deserved!). "Christmas in Prison" is one of the first tunes I ever learned to play on guitar, too. In addition to it's simplicity, it's the only song I know that talks about sacharine...go figure!
www.MySpace.com/MarcusEngel
I just placed John Prine's "Christmas in Prison" as the song for my MySpace profile. Prine is second only to Dylan in the whole folk singer category (a bold statement and well deserved!). "Christmas in Prison" is one of the first tunes I ever learned to play on guitar, too. In addition to it's simplicity, it's the only song I know that talks about sacharine...go figure!
www.MySpace.com/MarcusEngel
Monday, December 01, 2008
Happy Birthday, Marvelyne!
So excited I get to spend my life with my best friend!
It's your birthday, but I'm the one who's wish was granted!
I love you!
And for you, faithful reader, here's a pic of us up in the mountains of Helen, GA last week.
And for you, faithful reader, here's a pic of us up in the mountains of Helen, GA last week.
It was a fantastic Thanksgiving vacation!
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