Children’s Hospital Association of Texas (CHAT)

Friday, October 9th. No better way to recognize the 16 year anniversary of the loss of my sight than to help the profession that helped me to recover. The Childrens Hospital Association of Texas is comprised of nurses and hospital representatives from hospitals specializing in pediatrics across the great state of Texas. Hey, you never have to twist my arm to go to Texas, but this was especially cool!

On the Corpus Christi Bay, with salty winds and muggy air, I met some fine, fine nurses who have such passion for helping young people. At the top of this list is Dee Evans, my client, contact and now friend! Couldn't ask for a finer person to work with and I'm trying hard to schedule some time to get to her hospital and observe the great work they do!

And, you'd think at a conference about children’s hospitals, there'd be some kids...but one of my favorite new acquaintances wasn't a kid at all, but Dee's mom! So much fun getting to know the relations of my clients!

Metro State University

On Tuesday, Oct. 6, Metro State University in St. Paul, MN held an awareness event for Disability Awareness Month. Not only was yours truly an honored guest, but I got to share the stage with Minnesota Secretary of State, Mark Ritchie (the kind of guy I wish I could vote for, but that would mean having to live through Minnesota winters!)

Special thanks to Mary Bailey-Bustos and Stephanie for all the help logistically, for being so darned entertaining and welcoming for we out of towners!

Shriners Membership Seminar

On Oct. 3, I got to live out a dream: a presentation for my fellow Shrine Nobles. The annual Shrine Membership Seminar gives Shriners and Masons the skills, tools and motivation to help increase membership in our fraternity. And why is that important? To help insure the financial viability and future support of the Shriners Hospitals for Children. I was honored to share the stage with Tony Dungee and, best of all, my favorite Shriners kid, Leigh Dittman. I'll write more about Leigh later, but I promise you this is one of the coolest kids you'll ever meet – and Carson loves her, too!

Special thanks to Imperial Sir Gary Bergenske and Imperial Potentate Jack Jones for the opportunity to help inspire and motivate our brethren!

Upstate Schools!

This week was filled with programs in one of my favorite places: the upstate of South Carolina! Tuesday was a marathon day with four programs: Palmetto High, Wren High, Wren High's SADD club and then a parent program for Anderson District One. Thanks to Dr. Mason Gary at Palmetto High for allowing me to speak to the Palmetto High student body! This was one awesome program! Thanks to Robbie Benneker at Wren High School for the opportunity to speak to all 1700 Wren High students! Tons of FaceBook friends from both Wren and Palmetto-and thank you to all the parents who came out in the evening to discuss how we can have better relationships with our kids and help them make healthy and safe choices. Special thanks to Leigh Colombo for helping arrange these programs – you rock! v

Anderson University

Wednesday and Thursday found me at Anderson University in Anderson, SC-and what a fantastic time this was! Anderson's Wednesday morning chapel service and then an evening program for Anderson's NCAA student athletes! A very special thank you to all those who came out for the Wed. evening program who weren't under any obligation, but who just wanted to hear more! Again, a special thank you to Leigh Colombo for helping get these programs arranged, funded and for just making them so much fun!

Thursday, I was a guest presenter for the Anderson area Drive Smart Coalition; a group of individuals and institutions concerned with eliminating needless fatalities in the Anderson area. Once again, special thanks to Leigh Colombo for helping make this happen and everyone in the area should give a big thank you hug to Leigh for helping touch the lives of over 20,000 students in the Anderson area!

“Liquor-Cycles"

This past week while I was in South Carolina, I learned about a trend in the SC drunk driving field: liquor-cycles.

In South Carolina, if an individual gets a certain number of DUIs, he/ she will lose their license to operate a motor vehicle. However, if the vehicle is under a certain horsepower, it's not considered a motor vehicle. Scooters, Vespas, etc. are allowed for DUI offenders who are no longer allowed to drive a real car or truck.

On one hand, I like this notion. And truthfully, I'm kinda surprised so many people actually choose to drive their Vespas and stay within the law.

However, no matter if someone has a driver's license or not, he/she can still jump in a car, turn the ignition and drive down the road. If a convicted drunk driver is staying within the law and not operating a car, that reduces the risks for the general public from habitual DUI offenders.

However, isn't there a better way to keep habitual drunks from driving? Yes, yes there is. And that is by the use of modern technology. With as many Americans as get DUIs and get their licenses taken away, it puts a dent in the American work force. Wouldn't it be a better way for us to use technology that allows a driver to operate a vehicle when they're sober, but not when they're drunk?

Not just the ignition-lock breathalyzers, but the use of intoxicant detecting sensors on the steering wheel. And lasers on a rearview that can see if the driver has been drinking. True, this may take a bite out of the liquor-cycle market, but so what?

Let's embrace modern technology to keep our streets safe and our lives guarded, instead of just trying to circumvent the problem by putting drunks on different vehicles.

Mexico High and Middle Schools... Mexico, MO

Wednesday, Sept. 9 found yours truly back in his old stompin' grounds: Mexico, Missouri. It's been nearly a decade since I've been to Mexico, and a lot longer than that since I was getting my butt kicked by some Mexico Bulldogs defensive lineman, but this time going back to Mexico High was a lot less painful!

Thanks to all the high and middle schoolers for being such an awesome audience, for insightful questions and for accepting me into your school!

Special thanks to Melanie Richter and Susan Gheens for being such great hostesses! Also, thanks to the high and middle school teachers who stopped by after school at the faculty program – I'm so thankful there are teachers like you in the world!

And, even though I've already said it, my gratitude to Susan Gheens is just so vast... for being my very own English teacher when I was 15, and then the head of the school play when I was a senior. Some of my most treasured memories include you, Susan, and I'm so glad we've reconnected! Thanks for some awesome chimichaungas, too (I know I probably spelled that wrong... blame it on my poor English skills!)

Central Florida Health Educators

Okay, so this was just such a fun program! Sept. 11, I was honored to present for the Central Florida Health Educators in Daytona, FL. This is a group of professors, nurse educators, etc. etc. etc. who instruct any and all students into the world of health care. Plus, it was the first time I've ever presented with a mannequin laying behind me on stage!

Special thanks to Leilani Bautista-Keene and Linda Misko for being such fantastic hostesses! We filmed this program for my upcoming health care promo video and Leilani and Linda did an awesome job of finding just the right educators to interview for their feedback on my program! Thank you!

"DeSales University...Fourpeat!"

For the fourth year running, I was honored to speak at DeSales University in Center Valley, PA for the Character U. program. There is no finer group of people to work with than Wendy Krisak, Dr. Gregg Amore and Chad Serfass... people who, over the last few years, also become good friends.

Thanks to the class of 2013 for being such a fantastic audience and for allowing me to be one of the initial parts of your college experience! Best of luck for the fall term!

Out on the road

I'll be out of E mail and all net communications until Friday, Sept. 11. If you need to reach me, call the number on MarcusEngel.com Thanks!

Go Hoosiers!

What do you get when you put 3200 Hoosiers and one Marcus in the same room? Fun, that's what!

Indiana University's Culture Fest is a huge component of the freshman Welcome Week experience - and an opportunity for students to learn the value and excitement of diversity. So, what's a small town white boy from Missouri doing talking about different cultures? A lot, actually!

See, as we discussed at Culture Fest, everyone has a story. And every story has a message behind it. IU freshmen learned my story and, hopefully, that gives a little inspiration to share their stories-and to learn from those of others.

Special thanks to Melanie Payne, Patrick Hale, Tyler Coward and Kaley for being such awesome hosts! Oh, and to Melanie for running around Culture Fest loading me up on ethnic food – yummy! Thanks for all the FaceBook sign ups and awesome comments, too-totally makes my day to know I'll be remembered at IU!

Go Hoosiers!

Filming at Florida Gulf Coast University

On Tuesday, Aug. 18, I was honored to be the victim survivor representative of an anti-DUI video program conducted at Florida Gulf Coast University in Fort Myers, FL. The program, sponsored by a personal injury law firm in Fort Myers, focused on the legal ramifications of DUI as it relates to personal injury, crime and the aftermath. Special thanks to Gary Firestone for conducting the program, and to Becky and Brenda from MADD and the Lee County Sheriff's Department. You all do great work!

New Student Success Video!

Well, it's finally here! My new YouTube video to help students (especially students with disabilities) achieve success in college.

Some of the info contained in the video is from personal experience, some comes from the orientation programs at different universities, and some is advice disability services professionals wish their students would know! Here's the link:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JAlCpkMNSU

This video is for anyone who may gain valueable info...so feel free to pass it along! Thanks!

Relationship Based Care Symposium

On July 31, I had an almost surreal experience. See, for years, I've been touting the benefits of insights and strategies for excellent patient care. I want to promote the fantastic care I’ve received, and teach other health care pros how to give their patients as much dignity and independence as the hospital can bring!

Creative Health Care Management: http://www.chcm.com/

Is an organization with this mission... and more! CHCM created the first national Relationship Based Care Symposium which was held outside Syracuse, NY in late July. I was one of the keynote speakers for the event, along with Stephen Covey and the author of "Kitchen Table Wisdom." (Quite an honor to be asked to speak alongside two such professionals!)

Relationship Based Care Symposium highlighted changing the dynamics and culture of health care institutions to promote relationships-with everyone! Caregiver to patient, patient to housekeeping, housekeeping to pharmacy, pharmacy to maintenance, purchasing to techs – anyone and everyone under the canopy of the hospital is in relationship with others. It's a huge undertaking to create this culture, but it gets things done in a more nurturing, compassionate environment! Just wonderful!

I'd like to say a personal thank you to Jayne Felgen, CHCM's president, Mary Kalaroutis, Donna Wright, Susan Edstrom, Sue Welliver, Chris Bjork and Gen Gwancie (sorry, Gen, I probably misspelled your last name!)

Such a fantastic experience to work with a group of folks who are so committed to such a worthy cause! Thank you, CHCM, and all the attendees of the Relationship Based Care Symposium!

Is Anything Irreversible?

Ever been to prison? Me neither.

Kinda hard for those of us who are NOT ex-cons to understand this fully, but I think I get the idea...

Just finished listening to a podcast of "This American Life" where an Iranian is being interviewed about his time as a prisoner. Thought to be a spy, the Iranian version of spooks kidnapped him, locked him in a room and interrogated him, beat him and tortured him...for weeks.

He said that he'd known others who had gone to prison. If they came out, some of them just weren't the same. At some point in their imprisonment, incarceration, torture or who knows what "got" to them...and they couldn't recover. Whatever that moment was, it happened. And from that moment on, life would never again be the same.

The former inmate referred to this as the point of irreversibility. As his imprisonment dragged on, he felt himself growing closer to that point; a moment when he'd be unable to recapture the person he was prior to his arrest. When he felt himself approaching that moment, he tried to think of new ways to escape, to fight back, or to give the interrogators the info they wanted.

I think in a typical lifetime, we have many points of irreversibility. But, are things truly irreversible? As mental health experts tell us: people can change, but only if they REALLY want to.

Have you had moments in your life where things changed forever? Times that define the person you are now? Incidents that shaped the person you are today?

Again, I think we have many of these points in our lives. If you met me and learned my history, you may think the moment I lost my sight was a point of irreversibility. And maybe you'd be right.

For me, though, one of the turning points in my life occured about five years after losing my sight...

During the first few years of blindness, I'll admit it, I floundered. Yes, I had goals, yes, I was focused on accomplishing them, yes, I DID achieve those outcomes. But, like so many young, immature people, I based a big part of my self worth on the love and acceptance of another.

Don't get me wrong-love and acceptance are the two things all humans strive for. I do. You do. Everyone does. The thing is, before another can love and accept you, you have to love and accept yourself. THAT'S where the hang up came.

When I was in my early 20s and still muddling through life as a newly blind guy, I wanted love and acceptance...from a female. Yes, I had family and friends who cared for me, but I really, really wanted a girlfriend. So, I got one.

As many people do who get into relationships before they're married (or for the wrong reasons), the dynamics that came into this relationship were, at best, strained. A truer picture would be that they were totally screwed. After many months, I got tired of the stress, the manipulations, the guilt, the underhanded comments and the simple non-joy of it all. I mean, an interpersonal romantic relationship should have SOME benefit, right? With this? Not so much.

Then came the moment of clarity. After an especially bad episode, I said to myself, "Self? I think we'd rather be alone and searching than have the security of an uncomfy relationship."

So, I dumped her.

THAT was the moment of irreversibility. That was the time when I said, "No longer will I be anyone's doormat, distraction, whipping boy nor toy. That was when I started to get real with myself about what I truly wanted from a partner....

Since that moment of irreversibility, I've consistently worked on myself, my interpersonal relationships (romantic and friendship) and stayed open to what I most wanted. Those irreversible points CAN be a good thing...but they can also work in reverse.

My guidance? Just be sure that every decision you make teaches you something. Learn from the mistakes and don't make them again. Stay open to new ideas, new people and information-make your points of irreversibility the steps to a better you, not a dungeon from which there is no escape.

Funny Hats and Little Cars And A Vid to Make Your Heart Smile

When I tell people I'm a Shriner, one of the clarifying questions is:

"You mean the old guys with the funny hats and little cars?"

Well, I'm not exactly "old", but yeah, you're thinking of the right group.

So, what are Shriners and what do they do?

Shriners are all members of the Freemasons (Masonic Lodge) who have taken an obligation to help support the mission of Shriners Hospitals for Children. Shriners Hospitals offer pediatric care for orthapedic issues and children who have been burned...free of charge, top of the line, state of the art care.

What's with the funny hats and little cars? Shriners are, first and foremost, philanthropists. Second, we like to have fun! The red fez is an easily recognized symbol of our fraternity, and the go carts? Just fun!

Here's a quick video that helps get beyond the hats and cars to the real heart of what Shriners do: (BTW, if you're interested in becoming a Shriner or helping support the hospitals, drop me a msg at Marcus@MarcusEngel.com)


www.youtube.com/shrinershospitals

Suicide Discussions In Kids Books?

I have no opinion on whether or not this is a good thing. Just an observation of the info I read in Neil Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book."

If you've not read Gaiman, and if you kinda like offbeat, freaky stuff, (that's really good literature, too), give him a try. He's written several items which have been turned into movies. Strangely enough, some of his stuff for kids also has a "darker" edge. Really, who needs the three little pigs when you have the story of Bod, the kid who's parents were murdered and who grows up in a graveyard, raised by ghosts?

One of Bod's friends is a gent named Silas. Bod questions Silas about the graves outside the fence of the graveyard, and Silas tells him that it's unconcecrated ground. Being all of six, Bod asks what this means. In gentle terms, Silas tells how religious people bless certain parts of earth, and not others. The ground that hasn't been blessed is where they bury people who are "unsuitable"; suicides, witches, thieves, anyone the general public thinks is unworthy to lay in ground which is holy.

Bod doesn't quite understand the idea of "suicide", so Silas explains:

"...and there are always people who find their lives have become so unsupportable, they believe the best thing they could do would be to hasten their transition to another plane of existence."

"Are they happier dead?" Bod asked

"Sometimes. Mostly no. It's like the people who believe they'll be happy if they go live somewhere else. But it doesn't work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you, if you see what I mean."

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Profound, don't you think?

It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite Counting Crows songs: "Try to keep myself away from me."

We cannot get away from ourselves. Not with relocation, not with medication, not with denial. Not with booze. Not with deflection. We must get comfortable living in our own skin. Accept your personal shortcomings, deal with your adversity and choose to be happy.

Take it from Silas...can you be happy if you do these things? "Sometimes. Mostly, no."

Doin' What You Can

There is nothing, NOTHING quite like New York City! And even if it's a cliché', I've gotta say - I LOVE NEW YORK!

A couple weeks ago, I made my seemingly annual summer trip to the Big Apple to speak at Columbia University. Only this time, instead of just bringing my wife, Marvelyne, I also drug along my parents.

My dad was celebrating his 70th birthday the day we arrived and I wanted his first trip to the city to be one he'd never forget. And I'm pretty sure we accomplished that - and more!

Within six hours, Dad had taken his first limo ride, tasted the best soul food on earth, mastered the subway, walked thru Times Square and, of course, caught a glimpse of some of NYC's "colorful" people. Not a bad time for a self-admitted hillbilly from Missouri!

While riding the D train uptown, we had another experience that, to me, just sums up New York. A guy stood up on the subway and, with all the finesse of a master orator, began speaking to the passengers.

"My name is BLUE and I'm a local New York City poet. I've written four books, most recently, 'Don't Beat Your Children Or They'll Turn Out Like Me.' It includes one of my favorites, 'A Good Way To Tell That You're In A Bad Neighborhood Is When You See A Lot Of Churches.'"

We all had a laugh at the titles which, of course, was his intent. But, really, BLUE is a serious businessman. I mean, he's taken the time to write, edit, publish, and advertise at least four books. He has a website up and running. And instead of relying on the conventional methods of selling, he's pounding the pavement (errr riding the subway) promoting his art AND giving passengers some entertainment.

Being an author, I'm often asked about how to write a book. Sooooo many people have a dream, a thought, a vision of writing - but don't know where to begin. I know that feeling very well! Yet, when people get down to brass tacks and learn how much time, energy and money it'll take to get the book out there, they often decide to leave it as a dream. The investment seems to much if there's not a sure fire major publishing contract in the offering.

BLUE is NOT one of these people! Not everyone can get their books in bookstores and available to a national audience. (Actually MOST people can't.) It doesn't really matter if the quality of writing surpasses Shakespeare - and the story line is the next Harry Potter. If no one knows about it, it's as if it doesn't exist at all.

The thing that so impressed me about BLUE is how he's out there, not living on a dream, but doing what he can to make that dream happen. He may not have a bazillion dollar advance with a major publisher, but he's got a gift for being in front of an audience and he uses that gift every day on the train. He exemplifies the "Change the things you can" message my audiences witness - and I'm proud I got to witness his art in its natural environment.

With all the economy woes and corporate troubles, everyone seems really focused on just getting by, day to day. Who can follow a dream when there's rent due, food to buy, debt to pay down? There's this whole practical side of life to contend with, right? I'm big on reality and doing what needs to be done to survive. I also know this: if we wait for every detail to be perfect - we will probably never see our dreams become reality. Why? Because perfection doesn't exist.

Instead of waiting for the perfect time, scenario, etc., look around. See what there is that you CAN do... right now. When we change our life, touch our community, help our neighbor, follow our dream - then we can really see how our individual actions can help change the world. P.S. And if you want to learn more about BLUE's poetry, check him out on FaceBook: Brad Bathgate

Do We All Need To Be Part Of Something?

Last week I was listening to Springsteen. Surprise, surprise-I listen to The Boss about every day.

Yeah, I'm an E Street Junkie, no doubt, but I also think Springsteen has some lyrics that are just undeniably true. I take those lyrics, apply them to my life and...voila! A new EE post!

This time, it was "Hungry Heart." In this famous tune, Bruce sings, "I don't care what anybody says, there ain't nobody who wants to be alone."

I know a couple of confirmed bachelors who would disagree with this...but I know a whole, WHOLE lot more folks who are represented by these words. The need for human relationships is one of our strongest desires. I think we all desire to have relationships with depth, meaning and truth.

So, a couple days later, I was at the Kappa Sigma Grand Conclave. Joining Kappa Sigma (which I did back in the summer of 1997) is still one of the best choices I've ever made. To speak at Conclave in front of 1000 of my brothers was truly awesome; personally AND professionally.

While at Conclave, it was cool to walk the lobby and halls with guys I'd never before met, yet those who've been through an identical experience. That common ground gives us an automatic relationship; as it does for every fraternity member.

Whether it's a deep interpersonal relationship like Bruce is singing about, or it's a wider net of brotherhood, we all have the need for human connection. If we can help others realize this desire, it helps put us one step closer to our own goals.

Columbia University

Wow, second year in a row to have an awesome event with Columbia University nursing students! Thanks to all who took part in the day's events and especially to those future nurses who've signed up to be Facebook friends!

A HUGE "Thank You!" to Dr. Norma Hannigan for believing my medical programs have enough info to warrant a second trip to Columbia! (And for being the kind of educator we are fortunate to have shaping the healthcare profession – she makes me want to go back to school)!

It’s hard to express the mindset the day put me into – somewhere between ecstatic, humbled I'm able to help and realization that this is why I do what I do. Thank you!

Sucking Up The Fear and Staying Relevant

After posting a bit about it last week, on Saturday, I took the plunge and bought an iPhone.

Now, I'm not a gadget guy. I AM a guy, so there's a certain amount of inherent love of electronics, but I've never been the person who has to have the latest and greatest electronic update to, well, everything.

Part of the reason I'm not geeky is due to the lag of getting accessible electronics. For years, the protocol has been that an electronic device/software program is released, then six months later, a company has created a way to make it accessible for blind folks. This always keeps the blind community at least six months behind.

Not the case with Apple...and that's why I bought the iPhone. Before ever leaving Best Buy, I had an accessible iPhone in hand. Right from the counter, out of the box, a couple seconds of the sales clerk turning on the Voice Over command and...presto! Yours truly has just simplified life!

Can I survive without an iPhone? Sure. Can I continue to function with electronics that get the job done, efficiently or not? Absolutely. Do I save a ton of time and aggravation by jumping on the nerd wagon and getting the latest and greatest (and only device made to work out of the box for blind folks?)...yep.

I don't want to spend my life using technology from a half dozen years ago. I don't want to wear clothes that were popular back at Y2K. I don't want to refuse to be up on items that make life simplier and faster-I want to stay relevant. And the Apple iPhone allows me to do just that...and to do it in a way that's never been as easy for blind folks.

Thanks, Apple, for your foresight and depth of knowledge in creating a product that'll be a huge addition to my life!

Is It Zen? Or Just Wimpy?

Just completed the autobiography of Grateful Dead bassist, Phil Lesh. “Searching For The Sound: My Life With The Grateful Dead” was one of those reads that took me back about 18 years to when thtere was nothing but Dead bootlegs playing on my stereo.

No, I never got to see/hear The Dead in concert. Had the opportunity to see one of their last ffive shows, but, alas, it’ll remain one of those coulda, shoulda, woulda things.

Anyway, being such a fan during my high school days, it was cool to re-read many of the experiences of the band from their 30 year history. Most interesting was their stories about the acid tests in the mid 60s in San Francisco, hanging out with the Merry Pranksters, Woodstock-just that whole hippie thing. Again, I think I was born about 30 years too late.

One thing the 60s hippie generation did really well was their “live and let live” attitude towards everyone. This isn’t to take away from all the things the hippies did wrong, but that Zen attitude of just letting others do their thang is cool. Instead of trying to control people and get them to do what YOU want, the notion of just letting others be free to live their lives the way they want is something of which I’m envious. Lesh’s book really highlighted this.

And that live and let live thing is cool…to a certain point.

See, there’s a fine line between being Zen and being a wimp. Lesh says as much in his autobio.

During the Dead’s career, they lost no less than half a dozen people directly to substance abuse. Pigpen drank himself to death, Janis Joplin ODed on heroin, Keith Godchaux officially died from head injuries received in a car crash (but we know how that works with someone who is a known abuser), Brent Mydland died from an overdose of booze and pills and, last but not least, Jerry Garcia’s use ultimately led to his demise in 1995. Throw in all the other hangers on and influences and it’s real, real obvious that the whole free love/thinking/mind expansion from drug use has a dark underbelly.

In one episode of the book, Lesh describes how the band had a meeting about one of their members. A bandmate was abusing drugs, probably addicted, and everyone was suffering. Still, no one in the band had the fortitude to step up to the plate, confront the abuser and draw the line in the sand. So, in typical cowardly fashion, they made their manager do it.

I love the idea of Zen. You cannot control the stream, you must simply learn to flow along with it. That stream is life. Great in theory, right?

What Zen fails to address is what happens when someone you love is going down the tubes. Live and let live can easily turn into a Beatles tune: Live and Let Die.

My theory is that by practicing being Zen, letting others have free reign to let their freak flag fly, the 60s attitude ultimately meant that some folks lost their lives. Those who were not addicted, abusing nor caught up in letting drugs control their lives saw the damage those drugs were doing…and no one helped.

Does this mean the hippies have blood on their hands? Kinda, yeah. By choosing to NOT take action when someone is in trouble isn’t Zen-it’s cowardly

Look around. Are there people you know who need help? Do you have the guts to state your concern? Addicts have great defense mechanisms built in…but they can’t even balk if no one has the courage to show their concern.

When you know someone who is hurting, abusing or needs help-don’t be a hippie. Zen can only take you so far. Step up to the plate, try to help…you may not succeed, but at least you didn’t let the world abuse your loved one without a fight.

STEP!

Due to the fact I was an "adult" when I lost my sight, I've never been real familiar with the programs designed to assist blind children/teens. I've done a bit of work with the Missouri School for the Blind, but that's about the extent of it.

That is, until last week...

My buddy, Kevin Hollinger, is an orientation and mobility specialist for a school district in the St. Louis area. He was the head honcho for a program this summer called STEP (Student Transitional Educational Program.) Designed for teens between 14 and 19 who are blind or visually impaired, STEP gives participants a three week campus experience. The participants learn a ton of adaptive daily living skills, but also get help with interviews, resumes, social skills and networking.

I was really proud to be their featured speaker on Thursday, April 25. Special thanks to Kevin and Angie York for being such great hosts, and to all the participants for taking a proactive stance for your future and your education. If there's anything I can do to help y'all in the future, just drop me an E mail. Good luck in your future pursuits!

Upward Talent Search!

Okay, so that's not really the title of anything...

Last week, I was honored to work with two elements of the TRIO program in Kansas. Educational Talent Search helps identify middle school students who are underprivledged and/or have a parent who didn't go to college in order to help these students see their education as a priority. Folks, these are good tax dollars at work, helping to educate, inspire and motivate young people to help take their life up another notch from whence they came.

Now, second part of the TRIO event was with high school students in the Upward Bound program. These teens have been identified as having some of the same criteria as the other TRIO students, but with gifts in math and sciences (seriously, even though some of my audience was only 14 or 15, I felt stupid around these kids!They're just that smart!)

A HUGE thanks goes to Michael Rose for being such a fantastic client, such an inspiration to his students and a walking example of turning your life up a notch.

Thanks to all the TRIO students who attended the event at Coffeyville, KS and for all the Facebook sign-ups!

A Father

I was reading an autobiography last year written by a guy about my age (that would be mid-30s.) This wasn't a warm and fuzzy autobio, but the no nonsense, in your face writing style I like. The author never really knew his father, so he just referred to him as "my sperm donor."

Even though they'd only ever met a couple times, the son never really tried to contact his biological father to bridge that relationship. Instead, he simply referred to him as "my sperm donor" and make snide remarks. And does the father deserve that title? I dunno-I'm not intimately involved with that relationship.

What I DO know is that if he cared enough to think up a degrading nickname, then the author is resentful that he never had a relationship with his dad. I think truly, everyone wants a relationship with their father. Scratch that: everyone wants a GOOD relationship with their father. Some folks have a relationship with dear old dad, yet due to whatever circumstances, they don't get what they want. And I know others who'd also like that relationship, but after trying and trying, it simply cannot be sustained. And when we have a rather high percentage of folks in this country who have fathers who are out of the picture, that's a lot of hurt hanging around. And I just think it's a sad thing.

And what am I? A father? Sorta, I guess. I do have three stepchildren, but I wasn't their stepfather until they were almost through puberty. I can guide and try to lead by example, but fathering? Really? Not so much.

My first father's day greeting today came from my Hija, Tiffani. Now, Tiffani isn't mine. Not exactly. Taylor, Jordan and Maddison are most definitely my stepchildren, but Tiffani is my Hija (hija is Spanish for daughter, if you don't habla espagnol)

Tiffani's father isn't really involved with her life. And due to the fact I think everyone wants a good relationship with their father, I brought her in as my Hija. Plus, she's exactly the kind of kid any father would want, so it wasn't like it was tough! I've also got Hijo, Tiffani's little brother, Tyler. Great, great kids and I'm just so humbled I get to take on a father figure role for them.

But what is a father? Just the guy who donated some sperm? The guy who takes the kids to the park? The disciplinarian? I'm none of these things. So, I kept thinking, trying to find a definition for "father."

I think the gender thing is important here. I think fathers ideally serve a role as protector. Being male, that's a little easier to think of than a female/mom as the protector of the family. So, with the gender thing nailed down, what is a father? Here's my definition (screw whatever Webster's says, this is my definition):

Father: Any male who puts the needs of children before his own.

No sperm involved. No marriage involved. No duties involved, other than always putting the growth and development of children at the forefront.

You won't have to look too hard to find fatherless children who had a male teacher who became their father. Or maybe it was another guy from the church. I know several friends who had fathers who died and they "adopted" another male role model as their father figure.

Why is this so important? First and foremost, I think raising kids is the most important job...ever. Second, because I was one of the lucky ones. My dad wasn't absentee. My dad wasn't a drunk. My dad wasn't a cheater. My dad wasn't an abuser. My dad gave us protection, guidance, discipline, acceptance and care. That's about five more things than many of my friends got from their dads. Filling that role is important to me. It is now and it always will be.

I'm not perfect. God knows I wasn't a father until I was a 31 year old dad of teenagers-but I want to always keep that definition of fatherhood at the forefront: the needs of children in front of my own.

If I get to help continue to guide Tay, J, Maddi, Hija and Hijo, I'm lucky. And if I can do it half as well as my old man, then they're lucky.

Happy Father's Day!

Swallow That Pride

Tonight, had a really pleasant dinner with some extended family.

Not to air all the dirty laundry that every family has, but within some of my relatives' relationships, tension exists. Folks have had hurt feelings, rejection, embarassment, self righteousness and all the typical emotions that we humans endure. Some of these folks have gone for years without speaking to one another. This is just sad.

I've been in family wars. I've seen the hurt we humans can inflict on others. It's weilded for no good reason and yet...it takes a HUGE amount of courage to stop these trends.

I'm super proud of what I witnessed tonight: relatives who may not have had any contact in months or years, all gathered together and enjoying one another's company. Letting the past be water under the bridge, quietly admitting their own shortcomings, forgiving those of others and, above all else...moving on.

Relationships are so much more important than being right.

Pardon My Geekiness

Okay, one of the big questions I always get is: How do you use a computer?

Simple answer? I get a normal computer, then I have to purchase special screen reading software, install it and learn how to navigate. Every time there's an upgrade to an operating system, the company that makes the screen reading software has to play "catch up." How do I use the screen and menus on a cell phone? Same sorta thing...buy the phone, buy the screen reading software, install it and then learn to use it.

This is how I've lived my life for the last, oh, 16 years.

However, there's some fantastic new things on the horizon. Namely? Apple products.

The Apple Mac computer has come with Voice Over, a screen reading software package, already built into the machine. This means any blind person can walk out of an Apple store with a new computer, take it home, turn it on and can use it immediately! No purchase of screen reading software, no clunky installations-it just works right out of the box.

Well, I've just learned that the most awesome device since screen reading software, the Victor Reader Stream (which I purchased a year ago) now has a competitor: The newest version of the iPhone.

Now, the iPhone can be used by blind people since Voice Over is built into the device. Again, right out of the box, it just works! I haven't used it, but the rviews are just fantastic. And this, dear friends, makes me want to weep with happiness at being on equal footing, using the same devices as the rest of the world.

There is one small issue with the iPhone which I just asked Apple to look into. I download my digital audio books for free from the National Library Service, part of the Library of Congress. Learn more at:

www.nlsbard.loc.gov

As many things as the iPhone will do, Apple and the NLS have to get together for me to be able to read these books on my iPhone. NLS suggested I write to Apple and ask them to begin a discussion with the NLS. So, I did. I just sent an E mail to:

accessibility@apple.com

In this note, I told them my situation, asked they contact the NLS and find a way that blind iPhone users can download NLS books. I would LOVE to not have to carry an extra accessible device like I do now...and Apple has that possibility.

Please, if you're blind and a reader, or if you just want to help out a guy like me, will you please take a couple seconds to ask Apple to communicate with the NLS to fulfill the NLS mission: That all may read. Thanks!

The Uselessness of Polls

Okay, not all polls are useless. I totally understand the idea of getting an idea of the pulse of the nation by folks participating in surveys. But there was one I saw recently that takes the cake.

We all know about the AirFrance flight that went down in the southern Atlantic a week or two ago. On a major news site, the poll question was:

What do you think caused this crash? A. pilot error B. weather C. electronics failure D. terrorists

And the answer is...no one cares what your opinion is unless you know something about it! But here's the salesman in Hoboken checking "electronics failure" when he can't even fix a toilet! If you're a meterologist? Fine, I'd love your take! An aeronautical engineer? Even better! A pilot? Awesome, spill your guts! A nurse in Tucson? Not so much!

Look, polls are great for gaining opinions of how people feel and behave. It's not an accurate way of finding answers to non-related querries. Please just consider what you're reading and why your opinion might (or might not) matter.

New Facebook URL

If you're on Facebook (and if you're not, shame on you!), you've probably read their updates about how you can now create a unique URL for your Facebook profile. I did this and you can now go directly to my FB page by clicking on:

www.facebook.com/MarcusEngel

Enjoy! See ya on Facebook!

Is There Anything That Could Change Your Beliefs?

I recently listened to a podcast from The Dave Glover Show which involved a debate over evolution. Now, let me state up front that I don’t really have a dog in this fight. I don’t see evolution as diametrically opposed to creationism. And more than that? I’m just not educated enough. Heck, there are Ph.D.s in physics, paleontology, geology and anthropology who can’t agree on how the world came into being. Why should an uneducated buffoon like me prove his buffoonedness by blathering about something where he has no expertise?

So anyway, a question was posed to one of the participants:

Is there anything that could make you change your belief?

This gave me pause. Granted, I have lots of beliefs. And if you want to know how my mind works, check out the lyrics to God (Part II) by John Lennon (U2 does an awesome version on “Rattle & Hum”, too.)

All the things I believe…that gravity exists, that Bruce Springsteen is the greatest songwriter of all time, that my wife loves me, that people who hurt children should be publically lynched, that navy blue is the best color, that global warming isn’t quite the issue Al Gore makes it out to be, that Mitch Hedberg is the funniest comedian ever, that goat cheese on a burger makes it tastier-just a lot of beliefs.

But could my beliefs be changed? Sure! With more information. After all, my beliefs are based on the information I’ve obtained thus far. Do I know enough to be an expert on all issues? Any issues, for that matter? Nah, I’m not real dogmatic about why my beliefs are fact: only that they’re my beliefs.

When this question was posed to the creationist, he said that nothing could change his mind. Absolutely nothing, nothing at all.

Really?

See, we only know what we know. Let’s take religion (since we’re on the subject)…what if tomorrow, earth was visited by aliens. And what if these aliens turned out to have had a video camera on earth since, oh, the beginning of time. And what if we could see, right there in living color that, um, that whole Genesis thing? Yeah, didn’t happen. Not the way Christians, Jews and Muslims all agree it happened, at least. If this film from the aliens was absolutely refutable with all their methods proveable and accurate….and yet it doesn’t jive with what you’ve been taught all your life…would it change your beliefs?

Granted, this is a ridiculously far-fetched scenario. I just get really worried when dogmatic people say that nothing, not a single thing no matter how relevant, will ever change their beliefs. Talk about having the blinders on.

For me, I’ll rest content in the knowledge I’m ignorant. And if some day I die, I’ll be real, real happy if there’s some new knowledge revealed to me. After all, my human mind can only comprehend what I’ve been taught and what I’ve experienced…and I haven’t experienced Genesis. Neither has anyone else alive today.

Is there a difference in belief and opinion? That’s the idea I’m pondering today…

Happy Graduation, Maddison!

This past week, I went deep into the heart of Texas to celebrate my stepdaughter's graduation. Maddi graduated from Belton High School this past Thursday night - something I'm very, VERY proud of!

Every teenager has the difficulties of growing up, that transitional period into adulthood, all the stuff we hated as teenagers. To get through these things AND get one's diploma is something that's such an accomplishment! I'm super duper proud of my fav Adams teenager female for her great work and for giving us such a special celebratory time!

Shriners International Awareness Day

My first introduction to the Shriners was a parade in downtown St. Louis when I was maybe six years old. And more than the parade (other than a few scattered memories of a two-humped camel and guys in go carts), my biggest memory was having to pee something fierce! Seems my aunt had brought along a cooler full of soda and we got to drink all we wanted...quite a treat for such a little guy! By the time we got home, my cousins and sister were ready to sell our birthright for first dibs on the bathroom!

So, when I became a Shriner in 2008, I started to become more acquainted with the inner workings of what it means to be a Shriner. Sat. June 6 is Shriners International Awareness Day (something you may have seen reference to on my Facebook and Twitter statuses).

So, who are the Shriners and what do they do? The Imperial Shrine is an organization made up of Master Masons (Freemasons) with the purpose of supporting the Shriners Hospitals for Children. Shriners have lots of events for members like black tie balls, casino nights, parties, socials, gatherings, etc. etc. etdc. Pretty much anything you can think of. And while we're having fun, there's the specific intent that we're also supporting the Hospitals by raising money, awareness and volunteerism.

The Shriners Hospitals for children are a group of approx. 20 different hospitals nationwide which provide orthapedic and burn care to children-for absolutely free, regardless of a family's ability to pay. As with so many orthapedic conditions, this may be on going; years of surgeries and rehab and prosthetics may be required. All for free in some of the most state-of-the-art facilities imaginable.

If you'd like to learn more about the Shrine, Shriners Hospitals or becoming a Shriner, please visit:

www.ShrineHQ.com

So, You Wanna Meet Your Hero?

We all have heros. Some are tangible, right there intimately involved with our every day lives. And some are those bigger-than-life folks who we nearly idolize!

So, if the opprotunity presented itself, would you want to spend time with your hero? What if it meant you walked away from the meeting no longer respecting that person?

A few days ago, I was listening to a conversation by some old DJs who've seen the ins and outs of rock-n-roll over the last, oh, 50 years. One is a giant Rolling Stones fan, another is a giant Eric Clapton fan. Neither has had the opprotunity to meet their musical hero. Then the question arose...so, if you had the chance, would you take it?

Bob Dylan once had the opprotunity to meet his childhood musical idol, Elvis Presley. But Dylan turned down the offer. Why? Because he knew the reality could not match up with the image Bob carried of The King.

As I listened to these two DJs talk, neither was quite sure what they'd do. Meet Mick Jagger, only to have him turn out to be a complete jerk? Or spend a few minutes talking with Clapton, only to discover he's more interested in a newspaper than you? It's a tough call...but I know exactly where I'd land.

See, I dig reality. Even if something is less impressive in person, I want to know that. Everyone says the Grand Canyon is so impossibily beautiful and no words can describe it. But I'm sure there are people who've also gone to the Grand Canyon and said, "What's the big whoop?"

I choose to live in a world called "reality." Good or bad, right or wrong, I always want to know the reality. Not the delusion, not the hallucination, nothing through rose-colored glasses. I want reality.

Having spent years in denial of reality, once you've tasted the sweetness of what life really is, it makes me never want to miss an opprotunity to know reality-even if that reality doesn't match up with my pre-conceived notion. What's your take?

There's No Such Thing As Coincidence

I often hear the phrase, “There’s no such thing as coincidence.”

I have had “chance happenings” in my life that have such an astronomically small possibility of happening that it can’t really be called “coincidence.” The first that comes to mind is my random acquaintance of Ron Graham when I first went to the Seeing Eye, Inc. in Morristown, NJ in 1995…only to discover Ron had lost his sight in a car crash the exact same night as I. 1000 miles of Missouri, Oklahoma and Texas lay between our homes, but then, 2000 miles from either of our homes, only a dining room table separated us.

Dick Cavett, the former television personality, writes a blog for the NY Times on coincidences. The story of Ron and I was sent in by Henry (Bleu) Beathard, Ron’s father-in-law. Here’s the link:

http://cavett.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/seriously-what-are-the-odds/?ref=opinion&apage=20

Seven years after our first meeting, Ron introduced me to someone who became my best friend…and four years later became my wife. Maybe it’s true: There ARE no such things as coincidences.

Marcus Is On Twitter!

Yep, I'm only about a year (or more) late catching onto the Twitter craze...but now you can follow my microblogging on Twitter at:

www.Twitter.com/MarcusEngel

I'm still learning to use Twitter, so please be patient! Thanks, friends!

Feats of Valor

This weekend, while you're sitting around eating Cheetos and thinking about how you should be doing housework, reach down and grab the remote control. Tune into the Military Channel and watch the show called "Feats of Valor."

This is a documentary of three special vets and the heroic undertakings that show them to be outstanding representatives of our armed forces. Plus, the show was created by Cory and Becky Fisher, sis and bro-in-law of a good friend. I've seen some of Cory and Becky's other works and they do a fantastic job! Hope you'll tune in!

"Hold Onto These Moments As They Pass"

One of my very favorite songs ever is "A Long December" by Counting Crows. In that tune is a lyric I love so much...so much that I included it in "After This...":

"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold onto these moments as they pass...."

Life is all about grabbing the moments in front of us. After all, once a moment is gone, it's gone for good. Therefore, live in that moment, feel every bit of happiness, sorrow, joy, anger-everything. These moments are what life is about...

This past weekend, we met my parents and sister and her family in Branson for a short vacation. I love Orlando...love the people, love the ease of travel, love the climate (most of the time)...but the thing I hate is being so far away from my family.

I have three step kids who are grown and out of the house. I got to parent them for a couple years, but they were teenagers when we came together. My sister, on the other hand, has three kiddos; Lauren, 7, Michaela, 4, and James just turned 1 this week.

In Branson, I got to know my nieces and nephew better...keeping in mind that I've never lived within 200 miles of them, but now, it's even harder to get together. This week, we got to witness James taking his first steps, got to play pet store with Michaela and got to watch Hannah Montana with Lauren-times I'll never forget (and I hope they won't, either)

As life moves on, I hope you'll take time to live in each moment, experience the world as a child does and hold onto your special moments as they pass...

Same Transportation, Same Location, Different Destination

Ever had one of those situations with someone about how to get somewhere? Not like choosing a route, but more a way to get to a destination in the more esoteric sorta way?

Lately, I've been involved with a situation in an organization to which I belong. We all want the same outcome, some folks just have a very staunch opinion of how to achieve that outcome. In a nutshell, we all want the same thing...the difference just lies in how to accomplish it.

On a recent flight, we were talking about this idea. Today, we took a flight from Branson, MO to Sanford, FL. There were approximately 150 people on board. Me, my wife and around 145 passengers boarded the plane, found our seats and sat back for the two hour flight. The flight attendants boarded early and had to work (including one flight attendant who was overheard complaining because another passenger dropped his cell phone in the toilet and wanted the flight attendant to reach in and pull it out.) Then, there were the pilots on the flight deck. They had to talk to the control tower, take off, pay attention to the on board computer, land the plane and taxi up to the jetway.

Where did we all end up? Sanford Intl. Airport. Did every person on the flight have the same experience getting there? Not hardly.

When working in any group, it soon becomes apparent how most everyone wants to accomplish some goal...it's just the difference of opinion on how to reach that goal.

Think of this next time you're working with others-what is the best, most efficient way to accomplish the mission? Then, realize your opinions aren't always going to align with those of others. Yet, if we want the same goal and we're all willing to work for it, that's a prime example of the give and take of every relationship...and the reason for the give and take to occur is simply because we all come from different backgrounds and personalities. I wish you luck in your inter-personal dealings...and your flights, too.

University of Kansas Medical Center

To kick off Nurses Week 2009, I had the privilege of presenting at the University of Kansas Medical Center in Kansas City, KS. Two programs to two separate groups of nurses; everyone from the newest R.N. to the top dog nurse managers – such an awesome experience!

Special thanks to Karen Wray, R.N. for inviting me to present to the KUMC nurses, and to Lisa Voohries for all the extra work she did to make our first trip to KUMC so memorable! Thanks, you guys...and have a fantastic nurses week!