Go Hoosiers!

What do you get when you put 3200 Hoosiers and one Marcus in the same room? Fun, that's what!

Indiana University's Culture Fest is a huge component of the freshman Welcome Week experience - and an opportunity for students to learn the value and excitement of diversity. So, what's a small town white boy from Missouri doing talking about different cultures? A lot, actually!

See, as we discussed at Culture Fest, everyone has a story. And every story has a message behind it. IU freshmen learned my story and, hopefully, that gives a little inspiration to share their stories-and to learn from those of others.

Special thanks to Melanie Payne, Patrick Hale, Tyler Coward and Kaley for being such awesome hosts! Oh, and to Melanie for running around Culture Fest loading me up on ethnic food – yummy! Thanks for all the FaceBook sign ups and awesome comments, too-totally makes my day to know I'll be remembered at IU!

Go Hoosiers!

Filming at Florida Gulf Coast University

On Tuesday, Aug. 18, I was honored to be the victim survivor representative of an anti-DUI video program conducted at Florida Gulf Coast University in Fort Myers, FL. The program, sponsored by a personal injury law firm in Fort Myers, focused on the legal ramifications of DUI as it relates to personal injury, crime and the aftermath. Special thanks to Gary Firestone for conducting the program, and to Becky and Brenda from MADD and the Lee County Sheriff's Department. You all do great work!

New Student Success Video!

Well, it's finally here! My new YouTube video to help students (especially students with disabilities) achieve success in college.

Some of the info contained in the video is from personal experience, some comes from the orientation programs at different universities, and some is advice disability services professionals wish their students would know! Here's the link:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JAlCpkMNSU

This video is for anyone who may gain valueable info...so feel free to pass it along! Thanks!

Relationship Based Care Symposium

On July 31, I had an almost surreal experience. See, for years, I've been touting the benefits of insights and strategies for excellent patient care. I want to promote the fantastic care I’ve received, and teach other health care pros how to give their patients as much dignity and independence as the hospital can bring!

Creative Health Care Management: http://www.chcm.com/

Is an organization with this mission... and more! CHCM created the first national Relationship Based Care Symposium which was held outside Syracuse, NY in late July. I was one of the keynote speakers for the event, along with Stephen Covey and the author of "Kitchen Table Wisdom." (Quite an honor to be asked to speak alongside two such professionals!)

Relationship Based Care Symposium highlighted changing the dynamics and culture of health care institutions to promote relationships-with everyone! Caregiver to patient, patient to housekeeping, housekeeping to pharmacy, pharmacy to maintenance, purchasing to techs – anyone and everyone under the canopy of the hospital is in relationship with others. It's a huge undertaking to create this culture, but it gets things done in a more nurturing, compassionate environment! Just wonderful!

I'd like to say a personal thank you to Jayne Felgen, CHCM's president, Mary Kalaroutis, Donna Wright, Susan Edstrom, Sue Welliver, Chris Bjork and Gen Gwancie (sorry, Gen, I probably misspelled your last name!)

Such a fantastic experience to work with a group of folks who are so committed to such a worthy cause! Thank you, CHCM, and all the attendees of the Relationship Based Care Symposium!

Is Anything Irreversible?

Ever been to prison? Me neither.

Kinda hard for those of us who are NOT ex-cons to understand this fully, but I think I get the idea...

Just finished listening to a podcast of "This American Life" where an Iranian is being interviewed about his time as a prisoner. Thought to be a spy, the Iranian version of spooks kidnapped him, locked him in a room and interrogated him, beat him and tortured him...for weeks.

He said that he'd known others who had gone to prison. If they came out, some of them just weren't the same. At some point in their imprisonment, incarceration, torture or who knows what "got" to them...and they couldn't recover. Whatever that moment was, it happened. And from that moment on, life would never again be the same.

The former inmate referred to this as the point of irreversibility. As his imprisonment dragged on, he felt himself growing closer to that point; a moment when he'd be unable to recapture the person he was prior to his arrest. When he felt himself approaching that moment, he tried to think of new ways to escape, to fight back, or to give the interrogators the info they wanted.

I think in a typical lifetime, we have many points of irreversibility. But, are things truly irreversible? As mental health experts tell us: people can change, but only if they REALLY want to.

Have you had moments in your life where things changed forever? Times that define the person you are now? Incidents that shaped the person you are today?

Again, I think we have many of these points in our lives. If you met me and learned my history, you may think the moment I lost my sight was a point of irreversibility. And maybe you'd be right.

For me, though, one of the turning points in my life occured about five years after losing my sight...

During the first few years of blindness, I'll admit it, I floundered. Yes, I had goals, yes, I was focused on accomplishing them, yes, I DID achieve those outcomes. But, like so many young, immature people, I based a big part of my self worth on the love and acceptance of another.

Don't get me wrong-love and acceptance are the two things all humans strive for. I do. You do. Everyone does. The thing is, before another can love and accept you, you have to love and accept yourself. THAT'S where the hang up came.

When I was in my early 20s and still muddling through life as a newly blind guy, I wanted love and acceptance...from a female. Yes, I had family and friends who cared for me, but I really, really wanted a girlfriend. So, I got one.

As many people do who get into relationships before they're married (or for the wrong reasons), the dynamics that came into this relationship were, at best, strained. A truer picture would be that they were totally screwed. After many months, I got tired of the stress, the manipulations, the guilt, the underhanded comments and the simple non-joy of it all. I mean, an interpersonal romantic relationship should have SOME benefit, right? With this? Not so much.

Then came the moment of clarity. After an especially bad episode, I said to myself, "Self? I think we'd rather be alone and searching than have the security of an uncomfy relationship."

So, I dumped her.

THAT was the moment of irreversibility. That was the time when I said, "No longer will I be anyone's doormat, distraction, whipping boy nor toy. That was when I started to get real with myself about what I truly wanted from a partner....

Since that moment of irreversibility, I've consistently worked on myself, my interpersonal relationships (romantic and friendship) and stayed open to what I most wanted. Those irreversible points CAN be a good thing...but they can also work in reverse.

My guidance? Just be sure that every decision you make teaches you something. Learn from the mistakes and don't make them again. Stay open to new ideas, new people and information-make your points of irreversibility the steps to a better you, not a dungeon from which there is no escape.

Funny Hats and Little Cars And A Vid to Make Your Heart Smile

When I tell people I'm a Shriner, one of the clarifying questions is:

"You mean the old guys with the funny hats and little cars?"

Well, I'm not exactly "old", but yeah, you're thinking of the right group.

So, what are Shriners and what do they do?

Shriners are all members of the Freemasons (Masonic Lodge) who have taken an obligation to help support the mission of Shriners Hospitals for Children. Shriners Hospitals offer pediatric care for orthapedic issues and children who have been burned...free of charge, top of the line, state of the art care.

What's with the funny hats and little cars? Shriners are, first and foremost, philanthropists. Second, we like to have fun! The red fez is an easily recognized symbol of our fraternity, and the go carts? Just fun!

Here's a quick video that helps get beyond the hats and cars to the real heart of what Shriners do: (BTW, if you're interested in becoming a Shriner or helping support the hospitals, drop me a msg at Marcus@MarcusEngel.com)


www.youtube.com/shrinershospitals

Suicide Discussions In Kids Books?

I have no opinion on whether or not this is a good thing. Just an observation of the info I read in Neil Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book."

If you've not read Gaiman, and if you kinda like offbeat, freaky stuff, (that's really good literature, too), give him a try. He's written several items which have been turned into movies. Strangely enough, some of his stuff for kids also has a "darker" edge. Really, who needs the three little pigs when you have the story of Bod, the kid who's parents were murdered and who grows up in a graveyard, raised by ghosts?

One of Bod's friends is a gent named Silas. Bod questions Silas about the graves outside the fence of the graveyard, and Silas tells him that it's unconcecrated ground. Being all of six, Bod asks what this means. In gentle terms, Silas tells how religious people bless certain parts of earth, and not others. The ground that hasn't been blessed is where they bury people who are "unsuitable"; suicides, witches, thieves, anyone the general public thinks is unworthy to lay in ground which is holy.

Bod doesn't quite understand the idea of "suicide", so Silas explains:

"...and there are always people who find their lives have become so unsupportable, they believe the best thing they could do would be to hasten their transition to another plane of existence."

"Are they happier dead?" Bod asked

"Sometimes. Mostly no. It's like the people who believe they'll be happy if they go live somewhere else. But it doesn't work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you, if you see what I mean."

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Profound, don't you think?

It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite Counting Crows songs: "Try to keep myself away from me."

We cannot get away from ourselves. Not with relocation, not with medication, not with denial. Not with booze. Not with deflection. We must get comfortable living in our own skin. Accept your personal shortcomings, deal with your adversity and choose to be happy.

Take it from Silas...can you be happy if you do these things? "Sometimes. Mostly, no."

Doin' What You Can

There is nothing, NOTHING quite like New York City! And even if it's a cliché', I've gotta say - I LOVE NEW YORK!

A couple weeks ago, I made my seemingly annual summer trip to the Big Apple to speak at Columbia University. Only this time, instead of just bringing my wife, Marvelyne, I also drug along my parents.

My dad was celebrating his 70th birthday the day we arrived and I wanted his first trip to the city to be one he'd never forget. And I'm pretty sure we accomplished that - and more!

Within six hours, Dad had taken his first limo ride, tasted the best soul food on earth, mastered the subway, walked thru Times Square and, of course, caught a glimpse of some of NYC's "colorful" people. Not a bad time for a self-admitted hillbilly from Missouri!

While riding the D train uptown, we had another experience that, to me, just sums up New York. A guy stood up on the subway and, with all the finesse of a master orator, began speaking to the passengers.

"My name is BLUE and I'm a local New York City poet. I've written four books, most recently, 'Don't Beat Your Children Or They'll Turn Out Like Me.' It includes one of my favorites, 'A Good Way To Tell That You're In A Bad Neighborhood Is When You See A Lot Of Churches.'"

We all had a laugh at the titles which, of course, was his intent. But, really, BLUE is a serious businessman. I mean, he's taken the time to write, edit, publish, and advertise at least four books. He has a website up and running. And instead of relying on the conventional methods of selling, he's pounding the pavement (errr riding the subway) promoting his art AND giving passengers some entertainment.

Being an author, I'm often asked about how to write a book. Sooooo many people have a dream, a thought, a vision of writing - but don't know where to begin. I know that feeling very well! Yet, when people get down to brass tacks and learn how much time, energy and money it'll take to get the book out there, they often decide to leave it as a dream. The investment seems to much if there's not a sure fire major publishing contract in the offering.

BLUE is NOT one of these people! Not everyone can get their books in bookstores and available to a national audience. (Actually MOST people can't.) It doesn't really matter if the quality of writing surpasses Shakespeare - and the story line is the next Harry Potter. If no one knows about it, it's as if it doesn't exist at all.

The thing that so impressed me about BLUE is how he's out there, not living on a dream, but doing what he can to make that dream happen. He may not have a bazillion dollar advance with a major publisher, but he's got a gift for being in front of an audience and he uses that gift every day on the train. He exemplifies the "Change the things you can" message my audiences witness - and I'm proud I got to witness his art in its natural environment.

With all the economy woes and corporate troubles, everyone seems really focused on just getting by, day to day. Who can follow a dream when there's rent due, food to buy, debt to pay down? There's this whole practical side of life to contend with, right? I'm big on reality and doing what needs to be done to survive. I also know this: if we wait for every detail to be perfect - we will probably never see our dreams become reality. Why? Because perfection doesn't exist.

Instead of waiting for the perfect time, scenario, etc., look around. See what there is that you CAN do... right now. When we change our life, touch our community, help our neighbor, follow our dream - then we can really see how our individual actions can help change the world. P.S. And if you want to learn more about BLUE's poetry, check him out on FaceBook: Brad Bathgate