The EE Mission

I've been reading, "Roadside Crosses" by Jeffrey Deaver. In typical Deaver fashion, it's given a good education, as well as a good mystery.

In "Crosses", a body language expert is attempting to solve a mystery where roadside crosses are left at sites BEFORE a death. Therefore, the accidents aren't accidents. Yet, there's so much more to the story, including cyber bullying, blogs and flaming wars.

One element of the story is a blog that is at the tipping point of getting international acclaim. While the body language expert interviews the blogger, she sees how important the noteriety is to him. One of her detectives has also given her a lesson in the psychology of bloggers; that many are ego driven wannabe journalists who want to be respected for their opinions and viewpoints.

First off, EVERYONE wants their opinion and viewpoint respected. I may have to beg to differ a bit with the idea of bloggers as wannabe journalists. Still, I see that point.

One other thing that, unbeknownst to this blogger, is that bloggers want other blogs to link to theirs, thereby boosting their legitimacy. Fair enough. It's a popularity contest, not that unlike having loads of friends on Facebook.

For this blogger of the last five years, if I were to fall into the mold of other bloggers, I should probably make more ado about Engel's Ensights. Yet? I've not taken great pains to promote it. My thoughts? If people like my point of view and writing style, they'll seek it out. I don't want to be known as a big time blogger as much as a big time speaker and author. And author of books, not blogs.

I guess that goes back to the mission statement of this blog: it's an extension of my monthly newsletter, also known as Engel's Ensights. And the point of that? To provide a motivational story or insights that help readers find hope and goodness in their own lives. Hopefully, those small realizations will help to improve the lives of those reading my schtuff.

Bonds Don't Have Anything To Do With Jail

From as early as I can remember, my aunt and uncle gave we kids savings bonds for Christmas. I was well into my teens before I got the concept that they'd paid about half the face value for these things. Then, if I held onto them for several years, they'd be worth the face value. And, if I continued to sit on them for a few years, they'd be worth even more.

Then, when I was 16, as was their tradition, my grandparents gave me a certificate of deposit. Every month, I'd get a statement through the mail showing that my CD had increased a little bit. My parents also got these, but they got something I didn't: these slick glossy magazine-like things from companies about share holdings and stocks. I didn't really know what they were, but I knew it had to do with money they'd invested.

Yesterday, I was sitting around with one of my buddies who is in his mid-40s. The subject of retirement came up and, while neither of us is ready to get the proverbial gold watch, we both know a person can't necessarily work forever. Therefore, a person should save for the future when they can't work. While I've set aside money in investments for my retirement and future, my friend has not.

"When I was growing up, all my folks told me was, 'Don't get arrested.' I've never learned anything about what I should be doing for my future or rainy days."

To me, my idea of bonds was the future. To him, bonds were what you got if you got in trouble with the law. My friend is a law abiding citizen, but with such a meager bit of advice, it's a wonder he hasn't ended up behind bars.

I am very, very lucky to have had such quality adult advisement from an early age. My friend? Not to say his family didn't love him, but the day to day survival was all that was on their radar.

Are parents to blame if a kid goes broke? Not by a long shot, but those of us who got good advisement from a young age are a lot more likely to end up sitting pretty down the line. I'm also very blessed to have had people who gave me a little money to see how it's done.

It just showed me a world I didn't grow up in. It's a world I want to be more compassionate towards, too. And it shows me what I want to instill in the minds of my stepkids, too.

What about you? Were you lucky like me? Or was your youthful advice just to stay out of trouble? In my world, the idea of breaking the law was so foreign that it never probably crossed my parents' minds to warn me about arrest...but instead, to show me how to live an upstanding, proper life which would result in security for the future. I am very, very lucky...and when I hear tales from "the other side", it makes me want to share what knowledge I have with others.

Garrett Is Mine

One of my Facebook friends is also a guide dog user, though from a different guide dog school. I'm not even sure which one, but, according to her status this morning, I know it's not the Seeing Eye. In her status, she was ecstatic about how the paperwork for her dog has finally come through and her dog now is officially hers. I don't know all the specifics of this school's process, but she's now had her dog for two years.

As you can imagine, she's excited and that shows through. I'm excited for her, too. So, I looked through her comments and saw that another one of her friends left a derogatory message about the difference in guide dog schools. Some people get all up in arms about their school; reflecting back to the days of gang wars over turf and colors. Me? I'm very much of the mindset: do whatever works best for you.

Having said that, I thought the summation of this friend's comment was a little slanted. So, now I respond and give some info:

One reason I love The Seeing Eye is because, as soon as I get on the plane to come home, my dog is officially mine. Many schools have a partial ownership between the school and the dog handler. Then, if anything goes wrong during that partial ownership time, the school can replace the dog with another, retire the dog, provide additional training, etc. Where the Seeing Eye differs is that if there's any question of retirement or replacement, that choice is up to me, the handler. I mean that choice is solely up to me. The Seeing Eye always stands at the ready to offer guidance, assistance, advice, additional training and eval, but the final choice is up to me.

I personally consider this a huge sign of respect to Seeing Eye graduates. However, as the friend of a friend's comment stated, he/she considers this being thrown to the wolves. In the 15 plus years of handling a Seeing Eye dog, I have never once felt like I didn't have all the power of the Seeing Eye in support of me and my choices. They are simply a phone call away. If I need, a trainer will jump on a plane to come to my home and work with me. If I need advice on a troubling situation, they're there at the end of the 800 number. The friend of a friend's comment made it sound as though The Eye says, "See ya in 10 years" and never follows up with the handler. Not true, not true.

To have that support and those resources gives me some peace of mind like I can't describe. Never, ever do I feel alone in working with my dog. Garrett is officially mine, but that ownership is tied closely with as much or as little support as I choose. And what I choose will, of course, be up to me and me alone. This kind of respect for individuality is what will keep me coming back to the Seeing Eye as long as I'm able.

Christmas Chairity...Incognito!

This is one of my fav times of year, mainly because we get to see the public at it's best. Now, if you've just come from the busiest shopping day of the year and mile long lines at Wally World, you may not have witnessed the best of folks. But, just look through some of the headlines and you may find a different story.

Lately, I've been skimming articles about something that makes me very, very happy: chairitable giving. Anonymous chairitable giving. Mainly in the form of donations into Salvation Army bell ringer buckets. Every year, the Salvation Army finds a great deal of gold coins, luxury watches, wads of bills, etc. I just find this cool! The donor isn't looking for accolades, but just wants to give for the sake of giving. They're not getting the tax write off, they're not getting congrats and compliments, really nothing more than the "God bless you" of the bell ringer.

The best kind of chairity is anonymous. Then, no one can second guess motivations of the donor. At this time of year, what can you do, strictly for the joy of giving? Anything you can drop in the bucket that's more than your spare change? Whatever you do, your true desire to give should be noted...by you and only you.

Bringing The G Dog Hoe

Well, now that we've been home to Orlando for over 24 hours, I think I can safely say Garrett is settling in well. Let us return to the thrilling days of, well, yesterday morning, to a far away place called Newark Airport. Joy, one of the trainers for our Seeing Eye class, gave us a lift to the airport. All the way, Garrett had his big, yellow lab head laying in my lap; an action Joy called, "mushy." Pretty appropo.

At Newark, we were on a completely full flight. Never ideal. Still, Garrett curled up at my feet and seemed to take the flight quite well. Only when we were on approach to Orlando did he get up and look around. Even that seemed more like curiousity than discomfort. On the ground in Orlado, he walked off the plane like he owned it and, there at the top of the ramp was Marvelyne (and man, it was good to hug her for the first time in three weeks.)

To keep from getting Garrett any more stressed out than necessary, we went sighted guide through MCO. Garrett on leash in my left hand, my right on the small of Marvelyne's back.

Once home, we went to some neutral territory out on the sidewalk to intro Garrett to my stepdaughter's dog. Smooches is a little schnauzerpoo and wasn't quite sure what to think of Garrett. Still, no aggression or feather ruffling on either of ther parts. After park time, Garrett got to sniff his way around the house. He seems to find the front door quite interesting. Not sure if it's the cut glass, the view into the front yard, just where he entered the house OR b/c it's where his harness hangs.
After sniffing around the house and relaxing for a bit, we went to one of our fav local restaurants. Apparently, Garrett likes Mexican crumbs. He really did fine, but laying down onto a floor where folks have been dropping their crumbs is, in a word, heaven (for Garrett, not me.)

This afternoon, we took about a mile long walk around our neighborhood. I want to be sure Garrett isn't being challenged here at first, but can do routes that build his confidence in his work and with me at the other end of the harness handle. This seems like a perfect route to accomplish just that.

Now that we're home, I'll still give some frequent updates on Garrett. Yet, the focus of Engel's Ensights will return to what it was prior to dog training; thought provoking inspirational and motivational tidbits from the life of yours truly.

NYC and Beyond!

The last couple days have been really busy, as evidenced by the fact I haven't blogged in a while. Here's a quick re-cap...

Mall work: A mall food court probably offers the most distraction for a Seeing Eye dog than anywhere else. A close second might be Petsmart. Anywho, we went to the food court to grab lunch and work the dogs through it to see how easily they'd distract on food debris. Just think of all the crap on the floor in the food court and, well, you get the picture.

As with most everything, Garrett did really well NOT distracting on the tasty morsels. He eyed a piece of chicken at one point, but didn't lunge for it. A good walk around the food court gave a lot of confidence for more realistic situations. I can't think the last time I actually ate in a mall food court (probably a airport mall somewhere), but knowing G-Dog won't be sniffing on leftover French fries while we walk along is a great thing.

Yesterday was kinda the capstone of Seeing Eye dog training: New York, New York. With some potential plans of relocating, this was especially helpful. Thanks to a major back up on the George Washington bridge, our training time in the city was reduced. Still, Garrett got to experience the Port Authority, the subways and a good walk up 8th Avenue. With holiday shoppers everywhere, NYC was a little more challenging than I anticipated. Yet again, Garrett took it like a champ!

A handful of classmates who live within a drive left today. Brings our group down to a total of about 14 souls. Most of the rest of us leave tomorrow, but a few are still here until Thursday. When I had my exit interview with Seeing Eye president, Jim Kutsch, the first question was: do you feel confident enough to return home? I like this. After all, our whole goal is to learn to handle a Seeing Eye dog with competence and confidence. Garrett's attentiveness to NYC and pretty much everything else gives a lot of assuredness that home will be no problem.

And home awaits! It's been just under three weeks since I arrived at The Eye. From then until now? 180 degree turnaround. Garrett is a fantastic dog and I think our life together is going to be even more fantastic than I'm currently thinking. So, without further ado, I've taken my suitcases out of the closet for Garrett to sniff. Later today, we'll start packing those and be ready to get outta Dodge!

Wallers to Maddi!

Today is my stepdaughter, Maddison's, 20th birthday. Just wanted to publically wish her a happy Bday! Love ya, Maddi!

Gettin' 'Er Done

Well, the last few days haven't been exciting activities, but they're certainly necessary. The mundane daily life things like revolving doors, restaurants, hotels, supermarkets, etc. Feels like the old Larry the Cable Guy's phrase of "Get 'Er Done." It may not be glamorous, but it's part of life I need to accomplish.

Last evening, Garrett went on his first night route. We circled around the night life section of Morristown and Garrett did great! While the town was hoppin', due to the cold the sidewalks were practically bare. Even so, without an overabundance of obstacles, Garrett swung through tables, lightpoles, parking meters and around hedgerows to successfully show competence for night travel.

Night travel can present some interesting distractions for dogs, not the least of which is the simple fact it's harder to see. But, lighted storefront windows with mannequins, neon signs, etc. can be interesting and, in rare cases, frightening for a dog. Luckily, Garrett treats the night walk with the same caution as a regular daytime hike.

We also grabbed coffee at an organic and fair trade coffee house yesterday afternoon.As much of my life as is spent in restaurants, it was comforting to see Garrett lie down and (other than a little scrounging for crumbs) chill while we were having coffee. I think he'll be the kind of dog that can curl up under a table for hours and be happy.

Today, we'll do some "country work." This is simply a route where there are no sidewalks nor curbs. Since my neighborhood is still being built, there are large stretches of land where there are no sidewalks. Getting the G Man adept at country work is going to be key. I'll let ya know how it goes.

In A Living Painting

Ever seen the work of M.C. Escher? If so, you'll probably recall the geographical scenes, the combination of real and imaginary, and you might just feel like you're on an acid trip.

One Escher work I recall shows a room of staircases ascending and descending in different ways. Probably dozens of these non-sensical stairs lead to the same place: no where.

Well, that painting was what today was like. We visited the Morris County, NJ courthouse to do some training. Officially, it was to help us learn to navigate metal detectors. In reality, it was such an exercise in dog trust.

See, the courthouse is probably 100 plus years old. And like so many old buildings, it's been built onto time and time again. Throughout the courthouse, there are short flights of stairs leading practically everywhere. Or no where.

Following Garrett through this puzzle was one of the most difficult tasks to date. Walking down a hallway, there'd suddenly appear a flight of six steps leading to a different level of the courthouse. Combine that with the tons and ttons of people in the courthouse awaiting hearings and it made for some tough travel.

Still, taking on this challenge and watching Garrett do so well at it was such a confidence booster. The only real correction he needed throughout was for sniffing at a woman in the elevator. That's it. We probably spent 30 minutes going through this maze and the only bad point was a little sniff? I consider that a pretty darned good exercise.

The Panel

In addition to the Elm Street route today, I also sat on a panel discussion with two of my fellow students. The audience was comprised of orientation and mobility specialists in training. We were asked questions about working with a dog, the benefits and drawbacks, our experiences working out in the "real world" with our dogs, etc.

One thing I kept returning to was just how respectful the Seeing Eye is to we students/graduates. First, just in the treatment of each student as an individual. Second, in respect to our relationships with our dogs. Once we all leave training, our dogs are ours. Garrett is mine. Thus, when it's time for him to retire(hopefully a decade from now), it will be my choice where he'll go. I can keep him as a pet, I can give him to friends OR the Seeing Eye has a long list of those ready and willing to adopt retired dogs. To the best of my knowledge, The Seeing Eye is the only dog guide school in the country to give their students this choice and this level of respect. The others require the dog to be returned to the school where they'll be farmed out from there. I don't like this idea, so the Seeing Eye will always have my "business" and support.

Today was an especially Arctic day in Morristown. Real temp around freezing, but wind gusts as high as 25 mph. Still, we braved the elements and went out on route. Garrett had virtually no issues along the route and really seems to be a great worker. When he trots, I feel like he's really in the working zone and is doing his job well. Again, barricades that cross the sidewalk were present. In this case, Garrett has to walk me to the edge of the street, wait for his command to go into the street, then hug the street line until we're past the obstacle. Throw in the routine traffic checks, both planned and unplanned, and the planned and unplanned dog distractions and it can be a challenge. Yet, he did it with the grace I've come to expect from the G Man.

Tomorrow ends this route with another solo. After the morning solo session, we'll start free lance training, including airports, escalators, restaurants and, best of all, New York. I should have some great stories to share from NYC!

For 12 blocks, a Pee and a Sniff Aren't Bad

Yep, just finished doing the Elm Street route for the second time today. Garrett apparently had to pee at one stop, but other than that and sniffing at a passing stranger, he was thumbs up all the way around. All in all, I'm still impressed as to what a serious worker he is.

Real temp this morning at 5:30 park time was 28 and it hasn't gotten much past that. Is it ironic that my warmest hoodie advertises Florida? Maybe, maybe.

I only caught about half of today's traffic lecture due to a conference call, but from what I heard in the last few minutes, I'll be studying up on the multitude of lectures on mp3 that the Eye gives us. Having every lecture, handout and coupon in mp3 format is one of the awesome things about the program here. Before, it was 12 cassette tapes. Before that? Nothing, just use your memory. Now, with a couple of minutes to transfer the info, I had a reference library at my fingertips...and will for years to come.

We'll continue to do the Elm Street route tomorrow, complete with traffic checks, dog distractions and barricades, all of which G handled like a champ once again. The traffic check today was in the toyota Prius, so it was silent until it was right up on us. Garrett did his traffic check move by stopping mid-stream and taking a quick step back. Proud of that boy for how he does with traffic!

More soon...

The Wag

I know Garrett and I are still getting used to one another, but I've gotta say that his lack of tail wagging isn't something I'm used to. When he's playing or getting praise, he'll give wags, but in general, he seems pretty serious about his work.

While coming upstairs this morning after breakfast, I felt another dog's nose nudging the back of my leg...until I figured out it wasn't another dog, nor his nose, but Garrett wagging his tail while we ascended. It's the first time I've seen him wagging that tail while he's working. Hoping he begins to understand that we call guiding "work", but hopefully it's fun for the dog.

Since it's Sunday, it's a lazy day around here. No trips, no real hardcore training. Still, I want to get out and work Garrett, so we just hit the leisure path. Throughout the one third mile track, he kept his attention focused and appropriate. He also showed me back to the building with no hesitation whatsoever. All in all, a fine job once again!

The Solo

While Saturday is usually a lazy day around the Eye, we did end up doing some training in the form of (insert scary music) the solo. Now, this isn't nearly as crazy as it might sound. We've been working this route for the last two days, and our dogs were familiar with it before we ever started working together. Still, there's a bit of trepidation before being cut loose to figure out everything on one's own.

And, as I'd expect, Garrett did it like a champ! In 10 blocks, he did one snag of turning up into a parking area, but I quickly figured out the mistake, retraced our steps and got back on track. This isn't to mention the 9.9 blocks he did like a well seasoned vet of guiding.

It's kinda hard to believe that a week ago, we were all just arriving into Morristown. And that the dogs have only been with us for five days. Major strides made in that short time.

This afternoon nothing was scheduled, but we did take a swing around the leisure path; a .3 mile track with gazebos and winding walkways and windchimes every so often. It's a great place to stretch the ol' legs or to give the dogs some extra practice.

So far, the area where Garrett has impressed me the most is with dog distractions. He seems uninterested in playing with dogs, sniffing other dogs, any interaction with other dogs. This is strictly while in harness. Back at the Eye, he's eyeing up his fellow doggy classmates with a look of play. His ability to keep a clear vision for the route is going to be really beneficial back home. I really plan on keeping his socialization and behavoir to other dogs on a positive note once we're badck in Orlando.

Yep, He's Officially A Lab

So, if you know a lab, you know the powerful tail. I just finished a cup of coffee and Garrett whipped around, his tail hitting my coffee cup and sending it flying. Yep, he's officially a lab.

Afternoon walks went pretty well yesterday. Trainers will set up barracades with orange cones in the middle of the sidewalk. Garrett walked my knees into one and I stumbled a bit, but no injuries or anything. After correcting him and trying it again, he practically tiptoed through the barracade, showing he now gets it. One other little snag when we got too close to a pedestrian, but keep in mind he's a young dog, he's been mine less than four days and we're still getting used to one another. In a 10 plus block walk, I think having only two snags ain't too bad.

He's continually showing me more of his personality. My legs are the wickets and he's the croquet ball-this is about his favorite thing I've found so far. The tail is wagging more and he's eating and drinking fine.

Today is the same route and we'll solo it tomorrow. I'm quite sure with two practice sessions today, we'll be good to go. Plus, this morning is the lecture on a dog's senses. This is fascinating stuff; how a dog sees, their physiological make up compared to a human and how tyhat alters their perception of their environment. Perfect example is that dogs can't see incredibly well far out in front of them unless something is moving. But, their eyes are created to detect movement. Really interesting stuff like that. Will share more when I learn it.

Photo of Garrett

The G Man Cometh

Okay, little breakthroughs just keep coming! Garrett is doing a lot of little things to start to let his personality shine through. Before, he was sweet and docile, but he didn't react to much affection. Now, he's seeking it out. He'll use his paws and arms to bat my hands around, he'll roll over for belly rubs and that tail continues to keep wagging.

Yesterday afternoon, we started working on clicker training. This is a technique of opperent conditioning to get the dog to target to specific things; elevators, doors, etc. There's food involved and, Garrett being a lab, is one happy guy to work on clicker training. We're just ankle deep into it now, but I'll report more as we go along.

Today, it's bloody cold out. Bundling up now to go out to breakfast and then onto the training routes. More later...

Comin' Around

Before I get into Garrett's progress, I have to wish my lovely bride, Marvelyne, a very happy birthday. Babe, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love you.

In addition to having the freedom to miss my wife's birthday for Seeing Eye dog training, I'm also blessed today by some cool breakthroughs. Garrett is starting to show more of his personality and, thanks to a large hunk of cotton, I'm getting to see it.

See, it's a miserable day in Morrisstown. Think Seattle but colder and with more wind. We were able to go out and take the Maple Street route with corrections and, with all the wind and rain, Garrett only needed one, maybe two corrections. With a 20 plus mph wind blowing rain on us, this is pretty darned good. Byut, the personality thing...

When we went out to park time at 5:30 in the a.m., it was raining. Not as bad as when we were on route, but still coming down. When we got back up to the room, I pulled out the doggy dry off towel and Garrett came out of his shell! Turns out, he absolutely loves getting dryed off. Back, legs, head, neck, belly, chest, he starts wagging and playing like a pup. As I was bent over toweling him off, he also thinks that's time to pretend he's a croquet ball and go through the wickets, er, my legs. He's been wagging a good bit more and I'm sure that'll continue. When we were just sitting in a lecture, he was sitting between my legs and, just for a couple seconds, turned up to look at me and ask for some head pats. First time he's really shown any affection with his head. He tends not to look at me very much, but this will most likely change as the bond continues to grow.

This afternoon, all routes have been cancelled. Just too bad of weather where traffic is hard to judge and rain so thick it's hard for the dogs to see. But, if the day ended now? It'd be on an up note for some cool breakthroughs happening today.

Nothing Maniacal on Maple

One of the routes we begin with in Seeing Eye dog training is the Maple Street route here in Morristown. This is a residential area which has been converted into offices, etc. Streets are quiet, traffic is minimal, sidewalks are obvious.

Expectations for the Maple Street route are low. After all, these dogs have only been with us a little more than 24 hours. Training this morning consisted of the route (about six blocks in total) with a trainer close at hand. Attached, actually. Because we're trying to develop bonds with our dog, the corrections have to come from the trainer. However, in the two different times I did the Maple route today, Garrett needed no corrections. Even if he DID need corrections, there's lots and lots of grace involved. He's just a newbie to working with me. However, not a single punitive word, not a leash correction-nothing. Will this be the same tomorrow? One day at a time, but if today is any indication, he'll fall into step nicely.

Plus, winter weather has arrived to Jersey. The second route was in the middle of a cold drizzle. Not exactly fun, and in inclement weather, we expect the dogs to make more mistakes. Surprisingly, though, other than a little extra sniffing of the air, Garrett didn't falter. This, as I'm well aware, could just be beginner's luck.

More tomorrow from the dog world! Thanks again to everyone for all the Facebook messages and support of this new working team!

Waggin' That Tail

Park time is the term we use to refer to the dog, er, doin' his bidness. We take the dogs to the park area and recite "Park time, park time" over and over until the dog relieves him/herself. Instead of regaling you with tales of doggy duty, just know it's called park time.

After park time last night, Garrett turned into a bit of a different dog. Not good, not bad, just different. Earlier during our bonding time, he was always keeping his eyes on the door. He'd let me pet him, but didn't really want to play or wag his tail. But after park time last night? Play time was on!

Garrett started wagging his tail, using his paws like boxing gloves and, just in general, started being more sociable. This morning, he proved that he'll definitely be a morning person. He woke up and his tail was flopping against the amoir and was just begging to be petted. This seems a side of his personality coming out that I'm glad is coming through!

Off to Morristown routes...

The O.G.

Heard one of my presentations? You may recall how, in my misspent youth, I was enamorede with gangsta rap. So much so that I thought I was an O.G. (That's original gangsta for you posers out there who don't know the lingo. Word.)

Well, now, the O.G. is my new dog. His name? Garrett. Yellow lab. Male. Very docile and sweet. Tomorrow, we'll find out how well his working behavior stacks up to his predecessors. But for now? Just know the O.G. is the original Garrett...one darned fine dog.

I've been requesting (and crossing my fingers) for a lab of some sort. With such great luck with my last two labs, it was a no brainer for me. And Garrett fits the bill!

When he was handed over to me today, we had a couple hours to come back to my room for bonding. He's still pretty attached to his trainer, but seems to be coming around. His crying was minimal, but he kept his eye on the door all the while we were getting to know each other, waiting for his trainer to return. This all tells me that once he's bonded with me, it'll be strong as what he's leaving behind.

Tomorrow will be some short routes of travel. Reports to come on how the O.G. handles the hoods of Morristown!

Thanks to everyone for welcoming Garret with all the Facebook posts, too. Makes me feel like he's coming into the Marcus community with a lotta love!

The Waiting Game

This morning found me walking the neighborhoods of Morristown on the last Juno walk. After a lecture session from Seeing Eye president, Jim Kuch, we went to lunch. This is when the waiting game really begins. I think I speak for all students when I say it feels like Christmas Eve. Within the hour, I should have my Seeing Eye dog #3. Hardly seems possible I'm back here after Dasher and Carson. Lots of memories in this old building.

And so....I wait. And cross my fingers. And maybe pray. And wait some more.

Dog Days

Yesterday, I arrived in Morristown, NJ to begin training with my third Seeing Eye dog. Nervous? Yes. Apprehensive? Yes. Excited? Yes.

Over the next three weeks of training, I'm going to be writing about the training process. If you come to EE for tons of insights and motivation and stuff, well, hopefully you'll still draw something from these experiences. However, chronicling this journey is going to be my primary purpose. So, here goes...

For the next three weeks, I'll be training with 18 other students. Florida to Washington State, Maine to California-we're from all over. We're all re-trains, meaning we've all already had at least one Seeing Eye dog.

We settled in yesterday afternoon, but won't get to meet our new four legged guides until Monday afternoon. The first 48 is spent with trainers, evaluating walking speed, strength of correction, lifestyle, physical stature, etc. to make a good match. We've also now gone on two Juno walks; evals where a trainer plays as the Seeing Eye dog in order to get an idea of the preferred walking speed and pull. And no, there were no scratches behind the ear nor "accidents" on the street!

This afternoon, three dogs were passed around in my small group of four; myself, another speaker/author from Chicago, a tech expert from right here in Jersey and a policy analyst for the USDA from D.C. The dogs? A golden retriever/lab cross, a yellow lab and a German shepherd. Their personalities were high, medium and low. The cross was a total wild man, but kinda fun to have such an energettic pup to play with. Shepherd female was still plenty hyper, but the yellow lab epitomized the "Whatever..." personality.

We students will not know if one of these dogs is ours. We did not learn the dogs' names. We will not know anything other than the short time we had with these pups. The exercise was designed to evaluate our handling of each dog...these dogs may not even have gone through full training yet.

A few common questions:

How does the training work? After being weaned from their mothers, each dog is placed with a puppy raiser for around a year. The raiser teaches basic obedience, socializes the dog and does some minor evaluations of the dog's capacity to learn and adapt. After that year, the dog is around 18 months old and is returned to the Seeing Eye. A trainer then begins to work with each dog, starting out with routes around Morristown and progressing to more complicated streets and intersections, etc. to develop their skills. After four, sometimes five, months, the students arrive to begin training.

Can I pick what kind of dog I want? Not really. The Seeing Eye takes all requests seriously, but in the end, they reserve the right to place you with the best dog for you. Er, me.

Do I get to name the dog? Nope. Again, the dogs are trained before we arrive, and we have no real input into naming. However, at the beginning of the year, the first litter of pups all have names that begin with A. Then the next litter all have B names. Then C. On down through the alphabet.

This evening is the calm before the storm. It's good for us to all connect before we begin training with our dogs, so tonight is a wine and cheese reception for students. Social time!

Tomorrow? I'll probably blog before getting the new pup, and I'll definitely blog afterward to let everyone know my new companion. Until then...

Retiring Carson

For those who might not have heard, my Seeing Eye dog, Carson, went into retirement on October 31. After 8 plus years of faithful service, Carson's working style had begun to suffer. When I ended up in the hospital for around a month back in May, it accelerated this decline.

One thing I truly value about the Seeing Eye, Inc., Carson's alma mater, is their stance on retirement. The Seeing Eye allows dog handlers to make the decision when to retire, how to retire and to whom the dog will go when he/she retires. This gave me the freedom to pick Carson's adoptive family. Could I have kept him as a pet? Yes, I have that option. Why is this not the best option for me? Simply because I'm not home enough to take care of a pet. So, we did the next best thing.

Back in September of 2002, right after I returned home with Carson from Morristown, NJ, I went to happy hour with my good friends, Jim and Alice. Jim and I have been buds ever since we were in middle school together, and right around the time Carson was coming into my life, I was getting to know his then girlfriend, Alice. Alice and I soon became good friends, too, and over drinks she asked, "How long will Carson work?" The easy answer is seven to nine years, simply because it's the average working life of a Seeing Eye dog. Alice did the math and said, "So, I'm calling dibs right now. When it's time for him to retire, we want him." I agreed, but with the knowledge that, over time, people change and promises aren't always kept. Not so with Jim and Alice.

For years, we've always joked about Carson's "Shady Pines" home when he retires. I've always given Jim and Alice the out that, if they don't want to take on a dog in his later years, there are no hard feelings. Again, not so. They have loved Carson from the moment he came into my life and have kept their promise.

On Oct. 31, I took off Carson' harness for the last time. It was in Jim and Alice's living room and Carson couldn't have been more excited. His new doggy buddy, Gutter, and Jim and Alice's two year old immediately were playing with him and he was in hog heaven.

It's impossible to explain to a dog that this is permanent. That harness isn't going back on. That leash and collar aren't going back on. When I walk out this door, this is your life; new owners, new environment, new adventures, but I'm no longer the consistent master he's known for the last eight years. He simply thought this was vacationy playtime.

As Marvelyne and I cried, I hugged him one last time and we walked out the door, leaving Carson to his new retired life. I'd like to answer some consistent questions:

Will I get to visit him? Yes. Every time we're in St. Louis, we see Jim and Alice. Many of those friendships are nurtured in their back yard. Carson now lives there and the next time we're in The Lou, I'm sure we'll be able to see him.

Will that be hard for him to adjust? I'm sure there's some adjustment, but Carson's got such a happy go lucky personality, I don't think it'll be too rough on him.

So, now that he's not working, what does he do? The same thing all pet dogs do; eats, plays, sleeps and gets lovin'.

Will you get another dog? Yes, I'm set to return to the Seeing Eye on November 27. I'll be in training for three weeks in New Jersey and then home with my new Seeing Eye dog.

Do you know what kind of dog you'll get? No. I've requested a lab or a lab mix, preferably a male, but the Seeing Eye reserves the right to place the dog handler with the best dog for him/her.

How am I doing? Really, I'm good. I miss Carson every day; just the little things show me his absence. When it's around 6:30, I'll start thinking it's time to feed Carson his dinner...only to realize Carson's dinner time is no longer set by me. I'll pick up something off the floor so Carson doesn't chew on it, only to realize he's not here to do any chewing. I purposefully took a month off between dogs to fully understand and realize these absences. I think it's been good for me.

And now? A quick vacation before going back to NJ. My stepson's 21st birthday. Thanksgiving. Then? I get on an airliner and head north for our next adventure! More to come...

Mid-Term Apathy

I know I've told this story before in EE, but bear with me for a moment while I repeat it and turn it around to a new topic...

When I was a kid growing up, my great uncle was a big union guy. He was also a staunch member of his political party. One of the several bumper stickers on his Ford pick up was a blatant, direct and, to me, undeniably true statement:

If you don't vote, don't bitch.

I mean, so true! I even used to get hacked off in my 30s when a convo would turn political and I knew the fervor of the "contestants" was negated by the fact they didn't vote. Really? You'll get that heated over something for argument's sake, but you can't even get it together to get registered and go to the polling place? One question: Why should I put any stock in this person's opinion? I shouldn't. And frankly, I still feel this way.

We're in the craziness of the mid-term elections. Personally, I see more voting interest than at any other point in my 35 years on this planet. That's a good thing.

Just by happenstance, I was listening to an interview with George Carlin before his death a couple years back. Carlin has always been known for being outspoken on political issues, yet he also admits he didn't vote for the last 30 or so years of his life. To this I say...beg pardon?

Carlin's take was interesting, but, to be blunt, cowardly. His notion was that if he voted for a candidate, he didn't have the right to comment on that candidate. He felt he took on more of an objective commentary by NOT being involved with the political process. In essence, he held up a mirror to my great uncle's bumper sticker: If you're going to bitch, don't vote.

Interesting position? Yes. Completely wrong and backwards? Also yes.

Look, we're Americans. We have the right to elect our officials. Forget all the conspiracy nonsense-we get to put the people in power that we want. How many other places get to do that? Tain't too many, that's for sure. For this very privledge, I don't take voting lightly. Any time there's an election, mid-term or otherwise, I want to cast my vote. Not because I want to be able to bitch, but to do my part as an American. I hope you will, too.

...Until Daddy Takes The T-Bird Away

Can you name the top three funnest things you've ever done? Now, forget the once in a lifetime things like your wedding day or when your child was born and that kinda stuff. But just pure joyful fun. Got your three? Here are mine:

On our honeymoon, Marvelyne and I spent an entire afternoon going round and round the lazy river. Probably stopped to have an adult beverage along the way, but just being together and enjoying the relaxation (and laziness) one of those things provides.

Next? New Smyrna Beach. My mother in law has a condo at NSB and there is simply no other time I feel more alive than going out into the Atlantic. It engages my four remaining senses in a way that nothing else does.

And finally? Kinda a toss up between blasting brass with shooting, walking through New York City and going to concerts of any kind.

Now, I can't recreate my honeymoon. No one can do that. But, right across town there are a multitude of hotels with lazy rivers. They may not be as common as swimming pools, but they certainly aren't scarce. And New Smyrna Beach? 45 minutes from my front door. Concerts, shooting? All that can be done right in my city. Safely and legally go without saying.

Here's the question:

Why don't I do these sorts of things more often? Is there a financial investment involved? Sure, but it's not out of reach. It's not like a night or two in NYC will mean I have to go on welfare. It's not like concert tickets will mean I have to start selling my blood. I'm fully aware that times are kinda tough and we're all needing to tighten our belts a bit...but what is life without some joy in it?

I know it's kinda early to start making resolutions, but one thing I want o start incorporating into my life is simple joys. Things that truly, truly bring me happiness and excitement.

What are you going to do? Continue to think joy is out of your reach? Or look at it rationally and understand we've all got one time to go around on this big blue marble. During this 70 or so year existence I have, I want to be sure I don't lay on my death bed wishing I'd gone to the beach a little more often.

DeSales University and Marcus: Half Decade Anniversary

Again for 2010, I was honored to be a keynote presentor for DeSales University in Pennsylvania. Wonderful group of freshmen participating in the Character U. program, plus incredible clients with lots of laughs! What could be better?

Special thanks to Wendy Krisak, Dr. Gregg Amore and Chad Surface for being such good friends and great clients! Can’t wait to come back to DeSales for the sixth straight year!

One Classy Peach!

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm a bit of a diva when it comes to clothing. I love to shop for clothes, I love it when my closet is busting at the seems (no pun intended) with new clothes and stuff I really love.

Having said that, I'm no fashionista (is that really a word?) I don't spend a ton of time learning the latest trends or flipping through fashion mags or the like. And I could not possibly care less about a designer's touch and taste.

Still, because I dig clothes, I don't throw a fit when I walk in on my wife watching Project Runway. I might even pay attention for, oh, about 60 seconds.

Last night, I caught a recent episode of the show. Well, actually, about five minutes, but who's counting?

It was just at the time when the true designers are "voting people off the island." One of the wannabe designers who was at risk of being voted off was a 50 year old woman named Peach. I don't know any of her background at all, much less in fashion. But, when the ax fell and everyone learned she wouldn't be returning the next episode, I kinda wanted to know more about Peach.

See, when she got the boot, there's the obligatory response. No matter what reality show you're watching, there are a variety of responses the kickee will have; anger, sadness, contempt, jealousy, etc. For Peach? It was all about the gratitude.

She stated again and again how participating in the show had been such a treat for her, how it was the highlight of her life and how much she'd miss all the other newbie designers. Never a word was uttered about how she thought it was unfair, or how wrong the judges were. Nothing like that. Just gratitude and appreciation for being given the chance to show her stuff and to fall in with a crowd of 20-something newbie designers.

Maybe that's maturity, maybe that's intelligence...or maybe that's just Peach.

Ever Been Ripped A New One?

I have. Though, come to think of it, I don't know exactly what "one" is! Just today, in fact, did some ripping occur...

I'm a member of several different collegiate associations. I use these organizations to help me market my speaking services to the universities and colleges that most frequently request them. As an associate member in these orgs, I am allowed to send a limited number of unsolicited contacts to other members every year. I usually go by the 2, 2 and 2 rule: 2 calls, 2 E mails or 2 pieces of hard copy mail. How often? Spread out over two semesters.

So, today I was doing my marketing and working through a list of fraternity and sorority advisors. I try to make my personality come across in my E marketing pieces. One of the biggest compliments I've ever received is that my books and speaking services should carry an R rating. R for Real. I don't sugar coat things, I am totally myself and I'm real. Audiences are too savvy these days for any speaker to think they can get away with playing a character. Just be real. People respond to real people. And I'm one of them.

Anywho, in my E marketing piece, I posed the question: Would you like to work with a speaker who does't suck, isn't a diva and will leave your students with an unforgettable message?"

I received a response saying, "I don't want to work with a speaker who's sales pitch includes the phrase 'who doesn't suck.'" We're organizations of values and leadership. Please remove me from your mailing list.

I keep a running list of those who asked to be removed, and this person's name/address immediately went on it. I respect the privacy of those I mail. But, since I have a blog, and I'm still a little hot under the collar about his response, I'm going to vent. Here goes:

First, it's anyone's choice who they want to work with. I choose my business partners and everyone has that right. So does this guy. Still, here's what I don't think he gets:

Those of us who work in fraternity and sorority life have, for years, tried to dismantle the image set by "Animal House." We've spent a great deal of time basing our fraternal organizations around the motto and positive teachings of each organization. It's not just wild parties, drunken orgies and Belusi-ish antics. I believe that, I live that, I want others to know the qualities and values of these organizations.

But, here's the question...does using the word "suck" denote...well, anything? I have to imagine that every IFC and/or Pan Hellenic meeting this person advises uses that word at least once. And I' bet anything the members of the organizations involved do, too. And, I'd even go out on a limb to suggest that this gent, too, has some words in his vocabulary which others might find objectionable.

To me, my words show I'm real. That's how I talk. Both on the platform and off. And if someone doesn't like it? Well, that's their perogative. But to insinuate that to use the word "suck" somehow devalues the quality and value of fraternities and sororities? Brother, you're way, way off base.

At the end of the day, I took note of his concern. I disagree, but his point is noted. And his name and address are now on my "Do Not Mail" list. And I've deleted his little rant. I'll sleep fine tonight knowing I'm still me. I hope he will, too.

Is President Obama A Muslim?

A few days ago I was talking with an idiot. I don’t use that term lightly, but in this case, it’s appropriate.

Last week, a study came out that said 20% of Americans don’t know what religion President Obama follows. A similar study was released that stated 1 in 5 Americans believe our President is a Muslim.

Here’s the thing: How do we know what anyone believes? Simply put, we cannot. We can watch one’s actions, listen to their words and statements, but we can never truly know what is in another person’s heart, can we?

Think of it this way…

If I tell you I’m a Christian, simply based on my statement, you have no reason to believe (or not believe) me, right? If I tell you I’m a Christian and you know I go to church twice per week, the case for my faith is bolstered. If I tell you I’m a Christian, you witness me going to church and I act in the way you believe Christians act, again, more fodder for my claim.

But, could I be lying? Could I be going into a church but not worshipping? Could I be faking my actions? Yes, yes and yes. You will have no idea what my true, heart held beliefs are.

So, back to the Obama/Muslim thing. The idiot and I were discussing these new surveys that came out. Having 20% of Americans believe our national leader is a different religion than he espouses is pretty significant. The idiot says, “Oh yeah, I guarantee he’s a Muslim. I just know he is…”

I stopped, gave him my (as my wife calls it) the famous Marcus “WTF?” look. I posed this question to him…

1. You believe our President gets down on his knees five times per day and prays to the east to give glory to the Muslim god, Allah?
2. You think our president believes the main tenant of Islam; that there is one God, Allah, and that Mohammad is his prophet?
3. You believe that President Obama’s membership in the United Church of Christ (remember old Reverend Wright?) is nothing more than a farce?

The idiot begins back peddling and talks about the mosque at ground zero, President Obama’s bloodlines and heritage and how he’s sympathetic to the Islamic faith. Fair enough…but none of that makes him a Muslim. It simply shows our President is tolerant of the Muslim faith. But does that make him a Muslim? It does not.

IS President Obama a Muslim? I don’t know. Neither do you. Neither does the idiot.

I do know this. President Obama is a Democrat. His actions suggest a belief in tolerance of other faiths. Traditionally, Muslims and Jews have been at polar opposites; going so far as to kill one another on a annual, weekly even daily basis. There are a significant number of folks who claim to be Jewish in the Democratic party; people who are political allies of President Obama. If he’s a Muslim, wouldn’t these Jewish politicians be his arch enemies?

The idiot, like most idiots, starts talking before thinking things over. To state one’s belief is a step. To claim that belief to be undeniably true is a bigger step. To guarantee it is a third (and bigger…and stupider) step.

Before forming a belief system, and definitely before stating your beliefs and claiming their truth, think. It seems that people who don’t think typically raise their voices the loudest. And then others who don’t think begin to follow those ways because they, too, haven’t took the time to think things out rationally.

Will this ever change? Doubtful. The world has been saturated with people who believe ridiculous things since day #1. Yet, I don’t want to be one of these people. I want to see what’s behind the curtain before making claims I may have to retract later. I want to have a well thought out reason for my beliefs. Why? To win an argument or discussion? No. Simply because I want to have an accurate view of the world. Not an opinion based on short sided thinking.

What about you? Do you speak before thinking? Do you espouse claims that don’t pass the sniff test? Do you believe what others say, simply because they have the bully pulpit? I’ve been this guy in the past…but now, I’ll politely listen. And I’ll internally think. And I’ll come to the most logical, rational set of beliefs; not one that I buy into just because someone else does.

Man's Search For Meaning

Back at my freshman year at Missouri State, I had to read Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning" for a religion 101 class. Did I read it? Yes. Do I remember it? Very, very little.

Yet, it's one of those books that ranks up there with, oh, the Bible, and Why Bad Things Happen To Good People, etc. Such valueable information, all presented with such horrid reality from the holocaust that, if nothing else, it leaves the reader knowing how good we have it.

Ya know, though, I don't think that lowest common denominator was Frankl's goal; i.e., that people feel good b/c they're not in a concentration camp. Rather, he's trying to show his philosophy that his reason for survival was partially credited by his desire to see his wife again and have hisschool of thought known by the world.

When Frankl talked about this (BTW, I just read the book again over the last few days), I kinda related to him. When I do speeches or write articles or books or whatever, my goal isn't that the listener/reader walk away going, "Man, with everything Marcus has been through, I've got nothing to complain about!" Rather, I'm hopeful that the elements I put into practice to get through my extreme adversity can be applicable to the life of the reader/listener. Dig?

Because of my desire to be known for my motto and philosophies, I paid particular attention to those of Frankl. Still, how can you read aboput the horrors of Auschweitz and not be grateful to live in 21st century America?

While I often give book reccomendations to my blog readers, this is one of those books of paramount importance. I feel like our world would be better off if everyone at a sixth grade level or above would read, "Man's Search For Meaning." That's a pretty big position...and one I don't take lightly. The info therein is just so, so relevant to the lives of everyone who has ever asked the question, "What's my place in this world?"

When You Don't Know What To Feel

My Facebook news feed is going crazy with excitement and angst. Why? Because so many of my FB friends are headed off to college for the first time.

Do you remember the first time you left home? Whether it was to college, out to your own place, moved in with your significant other, whatever, that's a big experience almost everyone has.

When I first left for college, I remember being out of my gourd with anxiety and excitement. It was a whole, big new world and I was pumped to dive into it. Then, when I did, it wasn't quite what I was expecting. It was a new world, true, but it was pretty lonely at first. Moving nearly 200 miles away from my best froiends, I was in a new environment, knew hardly anyone, just a whole slew of newness...and I didn't especially like it. I saw reunions of other Missouri State students; friends excited to see each other after months of being apart. I, on the other hand, knew no one.

That's the bad thing. The good thing was that it didn't take too long to start making friends-some of which I still have to this day. But those first days at school? Yeah, sad, lonely, scared and intimidated.

For my young friends who are headed off to college for the first time, take it from a veteran: give it some time. The newness will be gone in a short time. You'll make friends, experience new things and, soon, it'll just be your life. To get to that point, though, you've gotta dive in head first. I encourage and challenge you to put yourself out there. Walk up to people to make new friends, go somewhere uninvited, smile, experience. You'll be glad you did.

One Foot In Front Of The Other

Have you seen "The Drop"? If not, check it out at:

www.TheDropMovie.com

This is the seven minute short film we created earlier this year for a film contest. That gave us the itch to create a full length feature film based on my autobio, "After This..." For years, folks have told me "After This..." would make a great movie. And, having heard this so many times, I finally started to believe it.

Lately, we've shifted this deisre into high gear. No promises yet on if this is going to happen, but we're sure pushing forward!

I recently spoke to a gentleman in the film industry who does budget breakdowns for full length features. Of course, being a businessman, my mind is constantly fluttering around on how we can make this film, market it, make it a huge hit. When I started speaking with the budget breakdown guy, he said simply, "There are other people who need to worry about the marketing, Marcus. Your job is to just keep the passion for the project. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other, that passion will get this movie into production."

I marinated on that a while and decided he's right. While I can help with marketing, etc., my biggest gift is simply having the story. Done. And how much of life's successes is simply because someone keeps putting one foot in front of the next?

If I were super sensitive, I'd have given up on this project already. The first time someone told me how much it costs just to edit a film, I'd have been out. The first time I heard about how few films are bought, I'd have given up. But, we haven't yet. And we're going to keep knocking on doors, meeting with folks and pushing forward until we've exhausted every possibility. And then? We're going to start on a different route...but now? I'm content to take that budgeter's advice and keep putting one foot in front of the next.

Am I really Admitting To This on EE?

Okay, gotta give some back story before making this admission...

I play acoustic guitar. One of my biggest joys in life is performing live. Not doing my speaking thang (though that's a lot of fun, too), but having my 12 string Taylor on my lap, sitting on a bar stool with a mic in front of my face. In that position, you'l find me blaring out sub-par Johnny Cash, Springsteen, Tom Petty and John Prine tunes.

Since relocating to Florida a few years back, I haven't pursued playing out much; what we in the biz call "gigging." Have done a few acoustic sets, but nothing like I was doing in STL. Anyway, it's something I want to get back into.

As avid of a reader as I am, I'm currently reading a book you would never, in a million years, guess I'd be reading. The book? "The Girl's Guide To Rocking" by Jessica Hopper.

Why is a 35 year old man reading this? Mainly because there's actually good info in there. Granted, I'm not a teenage chick (who the book is aimed at), but good info nonetheless. Like, how to book gigs, the different styles of guitars (taught me a few things) and a lot about recording (something I really haven't done)

Still, the thing I dig most about this book is the self empowerment. Hopper gives a story of some girls who formed a band and, not being old enough to play in bars, they asked a local pizza joint if they could play there. Their friends came, bought pizza, so the owner asked the girls to come back the next weekend. This grew and grew until the girl band was booking other gigs. Finally, they got to big to play the pizzeria...and they were just barely high schoolers.

Hopper encourages readers to go out, look under every stone, ask tons of questions and, if you're persistent, you'll get what you want. I love this! And I love this message delivered to girls in such a positive, yet still rock and roll, way.

If we wait around for opportunity to come knocking, well, sometimes it will. More often, though, we're spending our lives just, well, waiting. I don't live like that. I won't live like that. And after reading Hopper's book, I doubt too many readers will want to live like that, either.

Resetting With Help From The Sandman

Do you ever get stressed out? Of course-we all do. How do you deal with the pressure?

When I get stressed, I tend to get into a funk. I.E., I don't tend to be stressed, take a few deep breaths and de-stressify myself. Instead, I get anxious and keep that anxiety around for many hours. This eats at me, I know it's not healthy and yet? It's really tough to change. Not that I'm not trying, but it's become my pattern and habit.

I was speaking with a friend recently about this. Her suggestion? Go to bed. And early. Write the day off as a bad day, go to bed early and tell yourself that when you wake up in the morning, yesterday is over. Then, specifically mae the choice NOT to let yesterday become today.

Sound advice. And ya know? It works.

Next time you're stressed, do the natural thing (after screaming at your spouse, I mean!)...just go to bed. The most natural way for the body to heal is sleep. And let's face it...stress is an injury. It hurts our immune system, our digestive system, our nervous system. It just sucks. Sleep...and when you wake up, it's a new day.

AHEAD 2010

Last week found the AHEAD conference in the Mile High City…and with yours truly exhibiting as always! The Assoc. on Higher Education and Disability is composed of disability support services professionals at colleges and universities across the country, plus a variety of other professionals who work in the field with disabilities. And, as always, it was such a great time seeing awesome people!

Special thanks to Jenny Dugger, Rae, Melanie Thompson, Emily, Erin, Lana, Tamara and a whole slew of others who I did NOT get to go to dinner with!

Thanks to all who stopped by our booth and got books, grabbed info and expressed interest in bringing the Marcus message to campus this fall!

They Need Everything

Lsast night, I played an acoustic set with my buddy, C.J. "Pappa Capps" Jurnigan for a chairity event.

Dan, a friend of C.J.'s and now mine, had an interesting experience. As a guy in his mid-20s, he was making good bread, living the life he wanted and was invited to go on a church trip to Honduras to do some missionary work. He'd done mission trips before, but this time, he felt led to a certain area of Honduras. There, he found a group of children living in a village. These kids were all the product of incest, rape and molestation and are outcasts in the community. This is when Dan's mission trip became a mission of his own.

He's made it his mission to help these children by teaching them to help themselves. In addition to helping feed and clothe them, he's also teaching them the responsibility of community. They're shown every day that they CAN play a part in their own development and their community by picking up litter off the beach.

Dan has just achieved 501C3 status for his organization, and last night's event was the first fund/awareness raiser he's had. The org is so new, in fact, that their web site isn't yet fully developed. Please stay tuned to EE for updates on Dan's progress and for opprotunities to help out the less fortunate of Central America.

Running Their Own Race

Over the weekend, I got caught up with my buddy, C.J. He's in a local band with a local celebrity and has really been getting some attention in the Orlando area. When we talked, I congratulated him on all the gigs he's been getting lately and the publicity the band has received.

"Yeah, it probably looks good from the outside," he said, "But the inside baseball scoop is that it's crumbling quick. The lead singer isn't E mailing the rest of the band the set lists, half the time we get on stage we haven't even practiced the songs he's picked out. And then there are just the egos; a lot of infighting andit starts to feel like I'm the supervisor of an adult day care."

I let him vent because, hey, that's what friends do. And really, a lot of it just sounds like rock-n-roll!

The next day, I saw his post on Facebook. Apparently, he had some time to simmer down because this was his status:

"I've come to realize all the crap I presume from other people isn't necessarily what I think. Everyone is just busy trying to run their own race. So am I."

When I take some time to marinate on this, it gets even more clear. When I get frustrated at others for the way they act, talk, etc., I've been trying to take a step back and be Zen. They're just running their race the only way they know how. I am, too.

Who'd Have Thunk I Could Have Written Three Books?

Yeah, back in the day, I wasn't much of a reader. I'm talking middle and high school. But, I guess once the state doesn't require you to go to school any more, it makes you want to learn. Or, at least, that's the case with me.

Yet, as a middle or high schooler, I never, EVER could have imagined I'd some day be an author. Much less write a second book. And now?

I'm ecstatic to announce the release of my third book, "I'm Here: Compassionate Communication In Patient Care."

My second book focused on health care professionals, "I'm Here" is autobiographical and written in the same style as, "Stethoscope." If you've read either "After This..." or my first health care book, "The Other End Of The Stethoscope: 33 Insights For Excellent Patient Care", I think you're just going to love, "I'm Here."

To get your very own copy, visit the store on www.MarcusEngel.com at:

http://www.MarcusEngelProducts.com

Thanks so much for your support of my writing, for taking a look at this blog and simply for taking an interest in my experiences!

Disappointing Differences In Dexter?

I freaking love the Showtime series, Dexter. I've read all Jeff Lindsay's "Dexter" books and, for the first time ever, a show is better than the books...and the books are awesome!

Here's the synopsis:

Dexter is a blood splatter analyst who works in forensics for Miami Metro Police Department. With cop blood in his own veins, Dexter is the expert's expert when it comes to blood splatters at a murder. He can draw a virtual picture, simply looking at the angles in which the blood has been thrown from the victim's wound. Kinda cool.

Here's the thing, though: Dexter himself is a serial killer. Crazy as this sounds, though, he only kills bad guys. Serial rapists, neo Nazis, pedophiles...those who've continually hurt others, yet who've managed to escape the law. Dexter follows a strict code taught by his cop father: The Code of Harry. In essence, it allows ONLY for the killing of guilty individuals. As you watch the show (which has fabulous actors, BTW) you really begin to root for Dexter. Then, I have to kinda catch myself...I'm rooting for someone's murder? Well, sure I can get caught up in the moment...and it's all fictional on the TV screen, right?

Well, in the DVD case of season #3 of Dexter, there's a coupon for products based on Dexter, including jewelry with tiny blood splatters, as well as a necktie with police tape and blood droplets. Hey, I like Dexter, but...is this going too far?

See, I have to throw some empathy out here. There are thousands of Americans murdered every year. If I were the parent of a murdered child, I don't think I could enjoy watching Dexter. And I wouldn't have to because that's the power of the remote control. If it offends you, turn the channel. Or, better yet, turn it off. But, if I buy a necktie and have a long conversation with someone while wearing said tie, do they have the right to be offended? Frankly, I think they do. Could it feel like belittling their loss? Or worse, glorifying it?

This is kind of how I feel when I've gone to some comedy clubs. Let's face it, at most comedy clubs, it's a comedian trying to get a start in the entertainment biz. By all means, do so. And by all means, get laughs however you can. Yet, because comedy clubs most often are just bars with a stage, as you can expect, there's lots of drinking going on. Well, when the audience is drunk, the comedian is on pretty safe territory to do drinking jokes. Fair enough. Yet, on more than one occassion, I've heard those drinking jokes go into drinking and driving jokes. I don't really find drunk driving so funny.

I realize this is "my issue." It's hard to be benign enough AND funny enough to stay in the limelight. But, if a comedian got up and started making serial killer jokes, yet the audience had members who'd had a family member murdered, no one would think it's out of bounds for those people to be offended and walk out.

I'm an opinionated person. I know that, from time to time, my viewpoints are going to piss some folks off (see? Someone probably got offended by my use of the word, "piss.") I just want to be cognisant enough to know if I'm offensive. And I hope others would be, too. And because of this desire, I won't wear a tie promoting a serial killer...even IF he's fictious and only kills bad guys.

I'm Here

One week, folks!

In just seven days, we'll be releasing my newest book to the public. "I'm Here: Compassionate Communication In Patient Care" will be available for purchase at MarcusEngel.com and at several of the major on line book retailers.

Be sure to check Facebook and Twitter for book giveaways leading up to the release!

BTW, July 1 will be the three year anniversary of my marriage to "I'm Here"'s editor, the lovely and talented Marvelyne. Help us celebrate by getting yourself a copy on release day!

Slaid

Please don't expect anything real profound this post, K?

Several years ago, a buddy turned me onto a Texas singer/songwriter named Slaid Cleaves. Love, LOVE this guy's music. I, in turn, have turned many of my friends onto Slaid, too.

Well, my great friends, Bryce & Nicole Taylor, live in Slaid's backyard (almost literally) in Austin, Texas, the center of the live music world. Recently, Slaid closed the show at the Kerrville Folk Festival, a place that has become of mythical proportion to yours truly and somewhere I hope to be next June when it happens again!

Anyway, Bryce and Nicole grabbed Slaid's latest CD for me and even gt him to autograph it! Such a thoughtful gesture and something I LOVE! If you dig singer/songwriter folk with an edgey flare, check out:

www.Slaid.com

Or put it into Pandora...I know not a single person who hasn't heard Slaid's music and fallen in love. Hope you will, too!

My Old Man

John Prine is one of my favorite artists. Folk music, nothing visual (duh!)

Prine's best friend was Steve Goodman, another folkie best known for writing the song, "The City Of New Orleans."

This morning, I got re-acquainted with a Steve Goodman song performed by Prine that I haven't heard for a couple years, "My Old Man." If you want a tear jerker of a song, check it out.

When I finished listening to it, my wife asked me what most appealed to me about this tune. First off, I think men aren't usually real huggy huggy emotional types. We're known for being the more reserved of the genders where emotions are concerned. So, I kinda like all songs sung about dads and sons.

This one, though, is an adult son talking about his recently departed father. The lyric that sticks out most to meis this:

"And I'd give up all I own to hear what he said when I wasn't listening to my old man"

Maybe it's because I'm older and a little wiser, or maybe it's because I have stepkids and a few others who've become my kids, but I really identify with this lyric.

My young life was never filled with yelling matches with my father. Anyone who knows Phil Engel knows he's way too happy go lucky and laid back to waste much energy on arguing. I wish I were more like him in that way.

I guess because my kids are stepkids and I didn't have to raise them from infancy that I don't totally relate to being a father. I married Taylor, Jordan and Maddison's mom when they were all teenagers. By that time, all the dirty diapers and temper tantrums were over (mostly).

I guess I hope my stepkids will listen to some of my guidance now. But, if they don't? No biggie. I wish I would have listened to my dad more growing up, but I think he knew I was going to have to make a lot of my own mistakes before I'd learn. And I know that for my kids, too. Nowadays, I want to be sure I'm also listening to my kids...if I can listen to my Dad, and still be open to listening to my kids, then I think that'll help me be more the kind of person I want to be: someone who's compassionate, caring and a good listener. I guess that's stuff I learned from My Old Man. Thanks, Dad...

One Crazy Table

Last night, we went out to eat with my father in law for Dad's Day. He's got a real quick wit and is a warehouse full of corny jokes...and this is usually displayed to the wait staff by the time the menus are passed out.

Last night, as our water was being served, he said to the waitress, "You're going to find that you're serving a bunch of crazy people..." This got a laugh from all of us, including the waitress.

The funny thing is, if anyone had walked up at different moments during the meal, they certainly WOULD have thought of us as crazy. In the couple hours we sat there, conversation touched upon the oil spill in the Gulf, black helicopters, UFOs, Pentecostal preachers from the 1970s, NPR,blogging, weapons and a slew of other topics. If a waiter or waitress swooped at any moment while one of these topics was being discussed, they could have very well thought all six of us WERE crazy.

Okay, now, singular focus back on yours truly. My wife and I were the first to arrived. We asked for a table for six and after we were seated, the hostess began placing menus and utensils around the table. I sat down into an uncomfortable wooden straightback chair and knew it was going to be a long night for me. See, due to recent surgeries, I still have a tender surgical incision between my navel and waistline. My jeans were pressing into the jeans and it was hard to get comfortable. I turned to my wife and quietly said, "I think I'm going to have to unbutton my pants."

Thing is? The hostess, unbeknownst to me, was still placing menus and utensils down...and apparently I hadn't spoken quietly enough. Once the rest of our family showed up, the wait staff, due to my gaff, already knew we were a bunch of crazies!

And, of course, I'm just kidding about the crazies part. Yet, if you walked past our table while someone said "UFOs", you might think we were crazy.

What do we learn from this? First and foremost that unless you sat there throughout the meal with six highly intelligent people, you wouldn't get an idea of our sanity. I've been very guilty in the past of thin slicing and pidegeon holing a person based on an initial reaction to a statement. This isn't fair nor accurate.

Realize that first impressions aren't always accurate. They're impressions; nothing more. They carry weight, sure, but if they are looked at as the gospel truth, that's really not fair.

Just take a little time before making a judgement...no matter if that determination turns out to be crazy or not!

Go Ask Alice...Who Her Friends Are

K, so it's spring of 1989 and I'm taking my first health course. It's 8th grade, I'm in Mr. Brake's class at Montgomery County R-II Middle School and I'm completely fascinated by sex ed. Who wasn't, after all?

After sex, what's the natural progression? Drugs! So, we're learning about booze and pot and what's the diff in a stimulant and a depressant, just an overview of drugs. They're bad, Mmm K?

I very vividly remember a book being referenced in class called, "Go Ask Alice." It's kinda a classic in the young adult reader category to describe the horrors of drug abuse. Well, in 8th grade, I wanted nothing to do with reading. Kinda the same through high school, until my senior year when I finally started to see some of the attraction of literature. Then? A few months later, I was a certified bibliophile. And by this time, I'm in my late teens and, hey, "young adult" means kids-not me. Thus, I never took the time to read, "Go Ask Alice"...until now.

I'm older, slightly wiser and more experienced with the world. Plus, now that I have kids, I read this book from the perspective of a parent. Last night, while working my way into Alice's drug world, I came across a quote I thought made an awesome amoung of sense:

"Real friendship can't be built on sympathy and a hanging on to someone just to keep from drowning. It has to be built on mutual likes and abilities and, yes, even backgrounds."

Before I got married, all I had were my friendships. I was unaccustomed to what the relationship of marriage truly was. I mean, we all have examples, but until you've been in a marriage, it's all seen from outside the fishbowl.

I've always been someone to nurture friendships. Through social media, that's even easier these days. But before I got married, your friends are your friends and, well, that's whatcha got.

It wasn't until after I had a ring on my finger did I start to understand that some of my bachelor relationships weren't necessarily built on mutual likes and interests but on sympathy or, well, just because I didn't know any better how to have healthy relationships with all friends. Heck, it's entirely possible that people were friends with ME due to sympathy and hanging on to keep from drowning, as the quote says.

Now that I'm in y mid 30s, happily married and always striving to have healthy relationships, I'm a little more likely to let some relationships go. Why? I've moved to another fishbowl and looked in on friendships. If they're not mutually beneficial, if they're unhealthy in any emotional or psychological way...screw 'em. Life is too short to stay in relationship with anyone that isn't healthy.

Who knew the "young adult" could have such insight?

Soon To Be Tweeting Again

Not only have I been lax on blogging, but also on tweeting. However, thanks to my buddy, Ron Graham's suggestion (BTW, visit Ron at www.accessability.blogspot.com), I've learned of a Twitter client specifically created for users of screen readers called Qwitter. A blind developer helping make Twitter more accessible...awesome! See ya on Twitter!

The Haps As Of Late

When I was a pledge of Kappa Sigma back in the spring of '97, my fellow pledge brothers and I were encouraged to get interviews with the active guys in the house. This was little more than getting their basic info of hometown, pledge pin number, pledge class, birthdate, that sorta stuff. Often times, the active brother would give a quote. One of the most memorable I heard was (pardon my French here): Excuses are like assholes...everyone has one and they all stink.

Granted, this ain't exactly profound, but I've gotta say, it's made me own up to a lot more of my shortcomings rather than rattling off some lame excuse!

So, as not to give you said lame excuse, I'll share why you've seen very few EE posts over the last couple months. From the last post date and for the next six weeks, I have little excuse. I was traveling, I was busy, but more than anything, I just failed to get 'er done.

Then, from May 5 until today, my excuse is a lot more legit...

On May 5, I went in for surgery at Missouri Baptist Hospital in St. Louis, MO. Why, since I live in Florida, would I go back to my hometown of St. Louis for surgery? Simple: There will never, EVER be a plastic surgeon who will work on me from the neck up other than Dr. Timothy Jones. Dr. Jones did my first facial reconstruction nearly 17 years ago and every reconstructive operation on me since. And, he's in STL. Which means I'll travel so as to keep my favorite surgeon's results!

Upon Dr. Jones' reccomendation, I was also having some hernia repairs done by Dr. Omar Guerra. These two awesome docs tag teamed on yours truly for a mere 12 hour operation on May 5.

A few days post op, it was pretty obvious that something just wasn't right. After X rays and CT scans, we learned that due to a lengthy surgery and the shifting of some abdominal scar tissue, my bowels were obstructed. Another surgery(kinda emergency since it started close to midnight) and another week of hospitalization while my guts kicked back into gear.

Discharged from Mo Bap and came home to Orlando...where I failed to progress. After several days of hurting and digressing, we went to a nearby hospital where it was determined I had ANOTHER bowel obstruction; this one due to a raging infection at the incision site from the last obstruction repair. Another surgery, another week in the hospital and I came home, still on IV atibiotics b/c the infection was an antibiotic resistant bit of nastiness.

So, after roughly a month of hospitalization and some extra time with homebound recovery, I am just now getting back to normal. All docs have suggested I spend the next month or so laying kinda low, so even E mail for this summer may be sporadic. Still, I'll try to get some posts up now that I'm totally capable of getting back in the office.

Thanks for understanding why EE has been so inactive...I'll try not to continue this habit! Hey, no one wants to stink!

Radio Lab

I love stories! If they're entertaining, awesome! If they're educational, all the better!

One of the places I consistently get stories fed into my noggin is through podcasts of "This American Life" on NPR. It is, by far, my favorite NPR program.

On a recent podcast of "This American Life", they ran a segment from the Radio Lab show from WNYC in New York. Entertaining, educational and, best of all, fast paced. I love to cram as much info into my brain in the shortest time possible.

If you're a NPR and/or a fan of "This American Life", you'll probably also love Radio Lab. Check out the site at:

www.RadioLab.org

Elon University

On Tuesday, March 9, I was honored to be the keynote speaker at Elon University. This program was sponsored by Elon's Safe Rides program, a system of transporting Elon students safely around the area. Whether the student is intoxicated, fearful for their safety or it's just too cold out, Safe Rides is there to help keep Elon students safe.

A huge thanks goes to Elon's own Nicole Parker, Pope, Kimberly, the SPARKS(s), and everyone who made my time in NC so memorable! Gotta say, hitting some North Carolina BBQ didn't hurt my feelings, either!

Also want to thank the brothers of the Lambda Lambda chapter of Kappa Sigma for helping provide transportation on Tuesday. Was great to get to know the brothers of the Lambda Lambda chapter. The chapter also showed up in full force to support my program – and that's showing a brother some love!

The Drop Is Finally Done!

Yep, that's right! You can finally view "The Drop", a seven minute short film adapted from "After This..." Check it out on the official movie site:

www.TheDropMovie.com

I'd love any feedback you'd care to give, too! We're so totally excited that, in the 100 hours it's been out, we've already had 2500 views!

Voting and viewing are the name of the game here, friends...the more votes, the more likely we are to be able to create a full length feature based on the life of yours truly.

Please, PLEASE help us win this current contest we're in with:

www.TheDoorpost.com

by viewing the movie and voting at TheDoorpost.com

As always, HUGE thanks go to my wife for creating such an awesome screenplay, my sis-in-law, Martha Munizzi, and all the actors, crew and helpers it took to make "The Drop" a reality!

Making Plans

This may come across morbid, but I'll say it any way...

We are currently on death watch for my grandmother-in-law.

Nana is 94 years old and from her bed in the nursing home, has refused food, water and medication for the last several days. Simply put, she's lost the will to live. Yet, she's in no pain, she's not dying from cancer or anything-she's just very, very old (and as we all know, age isn't about years, but aboutthe life in those years)

This morning over coffee, we got today's update on Nana's condition. Stable. This is actually bad news...she's not faltering quickly, and the dying process could drag out for weeks.

This sparked conversations about what we'd want to have happen if we're ever in Nana's condition. first and foremost, we have legal documentation that let's our wishes be known. Second, we talk about the hard topics; life support, Alzheimer's, dementia, etc.

Because death is so taboo to so many people, their wishes are never known. And that, my friends, leaves a lot of pressure on the family.

I encourage you to take the time to discuss your wishes with the people you love. Even better, drop $100 on a lawyer writing up your wishes. We're all going to succumb to the ggreat equalizer, sooner or later. My goal is to stay out of that grey area between life and death. Whatever your wishes, communicate them now, while you're in the white zone.

Learning To Be Zen

It's no real secret that I'm kinda a control freak. I'm type A, I like planning, execution and efficiency. In that order. Yet, the world doesn't always go the way things are planned. For control freaks like me, this can throw a whole monkey wrench into the mix.

For example, if you've kept up with me on Facebook, you've probably seen that the last few months have been spent getting my newest health care book finished. Well, it finally got sent off to the typesetter this morning! Keep your fingers crossed, but it should be in hard copy and ready to distribute by early April. Yippie!

For the last couple of years of taking notes, observing scenarios, etc. that have been turned into this book, I've planned on the title: "The Other End Of The Stethoscope: 33 MORE Insights For Excellent Patient Care."

Last week, I got a call from one of my distributors. He said that when their buyers see two books with such similar titles, they often cancel each other out. I.E., instead of buying both as a set, they'll buy neither. We certainly don't want that. So, what to do? Change the title!

Now, I've never been emotionally married to "Stetho #2" for a title. Still, that's how I've referred to it for the last couple years. Now that it's about to be published? The title has changed. It will be, "I'm Here: Compassionate Communication In Patient Care."

It's just one of those things; I've had to learn that the way it was planned tain't going to happen. So, we change. We adapt. And hopefully, that also means growth.

Now, throw in another situation:

This Friday, we'll be flying to Missouri. It's time to see family, but the most important things on the schedule are my grandmother's 90th birthday party, and a keynote lecture for the Team Spirit reunion in Jefferson City.

Then this morning? The phone rang. It's my lawyer. In late 2005, I was denied access to a taxi in St. Louis due to Carson's presence. While I hate the idea of suing anyone, I'm not willing to allow my civil rights to be trampled upon. It's taken the better part of tive years, but it's finally time to sit down with the lawyers, give the depositions, listen to the other depositions and, if necessary, go to court. While I'm ready and willing to do whatever has to be done, it throws that monkey wrench back in our travel plans.

Also just got a call from my mother in law. My wife's 94 year old grandmother will, in all likelihood, pass away within the next week. She's ready to go and I think everyone will be happy, for her sake, when she finally gets some relief. There is a strong possibility that her passing will also cause us to alter our travel schedule.

Right now is such a perfect opportunity for me to work on being Zen. Whatever will be, will be. And even to recognize this is a decent step for a control freak like me.

Is Valentine's Day Politically Incorrect?

Happy Valentine's Day, folks!

Chances are, unless you're in a relationship, Valentine's Day pretty much blows for you. Looking over the Facebook statuses of my friends the last several days, there seems to be as much hatred as love going around!

And really, this makes sense. I think it's human nature to want to be in relation with others. I also think it's human nature to want to be in a close, intimate relationship with one other person. That doesn't mean monogamy because, we all know, there are plenty of folks who can't seem to only sleep with their spouse. But I DO think most folks have a desire to be bonded with another human being. And thus, we have Valentine's Day. A day filled with references to love, relationships, intimacy, etc.

Let's think about people who do NOT have a special someone to fill that intimacy need. First thought is about single people. These are the people most likely to be disgruntled about having all the lovey dovey stuff shoved down their throat. But, I couldn't help think of a few other factions of folks:

What does Valentine's Day mean to you if your partner is deceased?

What does it mean if your loved one is dying?

What about if that person is serving in the military overseas? Incarcerated? Out of town on business? Divorced from you? Separated?

There are so, so many people who Valentine's is a painful holiday. Today, while you're (hopefully) spending time with your special someone, give a few thoughts (and maybe a call or a card) to those who you know who may not have a special someone with them...

What I learned Today From The History Channel

Net connection was down half the day, my Victor Stream digital audio reader was out of juice which meant I had to return to the age old time killer: the tube.

Flipping around on the History Channel, I came across an interview with an expert at the Smithsonian...and learned some stuff.

First off, the Smithsonian rep discussed how agonizing it is to hear parents and grandparents telling their children things that aren't historically fact. For example, the original Star Spangled Banner...

If you're walking through the Smithsonian and see a ginormous flag, your brain might jump to all the things you know about the flag. It was sewn by Betsy Ross, her flag flew over Fort McHenry and was spotted by Francis Scott Key when he penned the poem, yada yada yada.

But, you'd be wrong. In all actuality, Betsy Ross had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of our American flag. True, she was a seamstress in Boston. True, she knew George Washington. But past that? Nada.

Once our American flag was born, Betsy Ross' son (who would get a great job in PR these days) went around telling everyone how his mother sewed Old Glory. But, he was simply a big, fat liar. And yet? How many of us were taught this in school? MMy hand is raised!

Several weeks ago, I was having dinner with a friend and we were discussing someone we both know loosely, but neither of us would consider a friend. MY friend said something I didn't believe...an outlandish claim made by our acquaintance. I called B.S. on that and asked my friend if she believed it. Her response?

"Well, I guess I've heard him say it enough times that I don't think he can be lying."

Really? So, if someone says something repeatedly, it gains more credibility?

Sadly, that's true. It was back in the late 1700s when Betsy's son was spreading HIS B.S....and it happens today.

Maybe the older I get, the more skeptical I get. And maybe that's not a bad thing. But hearing things, both like this episode on History AND the convo with my friend, make me question much of what I believe.

You?