I'd Rather Hang An Innocent Man

Today, the U.S. Supreme Court handed down a ruling on capital punishment. Whether you agree or disagree with the Justices, the issue of capital punishment remains one of the most heated arguments of our time.

Last night, I got into a discussion with an elderly man about capital punishment. This man is a whole lot mmore dogmatic than I, but even so, I listened to him because, well, information is never a bad thing.

This gentleman said, "My father always said he'd rather be hung as an innocent man than as a guilty man."

I wholeheartedly agreed! If I am innocent and I'm put to death, the only thing I really care about is my personal integrity. If the state decides to execute me and I'm innocent, well, that's a tiny, tiny chink in the armor of the best system on earth (and yes, don't even argue that America's system of laws and law enforcement isn't the best on earth) To me, all I want to know in this world is that I did what I think is right. I don't stray from that for anything. It's a personal thing-I can't live with myself if I feel I'm living out of integrity. So, yes, I'd rather be hung as an innocent man with the knowledge I didn't do anything wrong, rather than be hung as a guilty man knowing I DID do something wrong.

Thing is, that's totally NOT the direction this guy was going!

His father meant he was happy to sacrafice his personal life if it meant America was still using the system of capital punishment. So, provided America always uses it's ability to kill it's own citizens, this man was happy to die and insure that right. Beg pardon? I'm not sure this really makes sense!

I'm not going to comment on the right or wrong of this argument, but in my mistaken translation of what he was talking about, it put another reinforcement into my own personal idea of integrity.

And yes, due to the fact I loathe myself if I did wrong, I'd rather be put to death as an innocent man.

For me, this just drives home the point Bill Shakespeare made a half millinieum ago:

To thine own self be true.

The Wrong Thing For The Right Reason

Have you ever done the wrong thing for the right reason? I sure have.

A few weeks ago, I was reading “Shantaram” by Gregory David Roberts. One of the recurring themes was that of doing the wrong thing for the right reason. In the book, the main character’s mentor was a Muslim who was fighting a holy war. He (the mentor) ended up manipulating the main character to assist him in his holy war. Of course, every person of any religious faith believes they’re doing the right thing. Duh! Why else would they do something religious-based?

For a Muslim like the one in question, a holy war is the right thing to do. Yet, even the mentor knew manipulating the main character was wrong. The wrong thing for the right reason.

When working with a guide dog, Carson and I are often under close observation. Same goes for most any dog and handler. It seems people see Carson doing his job, think, “Wow! What a well trained dog!” and that’s all the further they go. Let’s never, EVER forget that a dog is a dog. Even a well trained dog will make mistakes. Just like people-even someone as brilliant as, oh, Stephen Hawking, will make mistakes. Yet, if observers see Carson misjudge a curb or cut a corner a little too short, people may immediately think, “Oh, that dog isn’t very good!”

Of course Carson is going to make mistakes! He’s human! Or close to it, at least!

And when a dog makes a mistake, there is a certain protocol to follow: correct the dog as quickly as possible so he/she can learn.

A few weeks ago, I thought Carson had flubbed up on navigating a dining facility. We stopped, I corrected him and continued on. About five seconds after I corrected him with a punitive word and a quick pop of the leash, I realized I’d corrected him…and he hadn’t done anything wrong. I corrected him in the proper way, but for a crime I only –thought- he was guilty of. The wrong thing for the right reason (and don’t worry, Carson forgave me!)

We’re all going to be guilty of doing the wrong thing for the right reason….sometime. When this happens, we need to have a little more grace with ourselves. When, however, someone does the wrong thing for the wrong reason, THAT is the time when a closer eye should be affixed. Grace when it’s a mistake, change when it’s an intentional wrong. Easy as that.

George Carlin

Wow, folks, after just quoting George Carlin in yesterday's blog, I was shocked to wake up to the news that he's dead. Creepy.

He'll be missed. Love him or hate his irreverant humor, Carlin simply made sense - something that is sorely lacking in many of today's comics and social commentators.

*****

Legendary Comedian George Carlin Dies
AP
Posted: 2008-06-23 08:25:32
Filed Under: Movie News, TV News
LOS ANGELES (June 23) - George Carlin, the frenzied performer whose routine "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television" led to a key Supreme Court ruling on obscenity, has died.

Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain and died later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas. He was 71.

"He was a genius and I will miss him dearly," Jack Burns, who was the other half of a comedy duo with Carlin in the early 1960s, told The Associated Press.Carlin's jokes constantly breached the accepted boundaries of comedy and language, particularly with his routine on the "Seven Words" - all of which are taboo on broadcast TV and radio to this day. When he uttered all seven at a show in Milwaukee in 1972, he was arrested on charges of disturbing the peace, freed on $150 bail and exonerated when a Wisconsin judge dismissed the case, saying it was indecent but citing free speech and the lack of any disturbance.

When the words were later played on a New York radio station, they resulted in a 1978 Supreme Court ruling upholding the government's authority to sanction stations for broadcasting offensive language during hours when children might be listening. "So my name is a footnote in American legal history, which I'm perversely kind of proud of," he told The Associated Press earlier this year.

Despite his reputation as unapologetically irreverent, Carlin was a television staple through the decades, serving as host of the "Saturday Night Live" debut in 1975 - noting on his Web site that he was "loaded on cocaine all week long" - and appearing some 130 times on "The Tonight Show." He produced 23 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials, three books, a couple of TV shows and appeared in several movies, from his own comedy specials to "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" in 1989 - a testament to his range from cerebral satire and cultural commentary to downright silliness (and sometimes hitting all points in one stroke).

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?" he once mused. "Are they afraid someone will clean them?"

He won four Grammy Awards, each for best spoken comedy album, and was nominated for five Emmy awards. On Tuesday, it was announced that Carlin was being awarded the 11th annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, which will be presented Nov. 10 in Washington and broadcast on PBS.Carlin started his career on the traditional nightclub circuit in a coat and tie, pairing with Burns to spoof TV game shows, news and movies. Perhaps in spite of the outlaw soul, "George was fairly conservative when I met him," said Burns, describing himself as the more left-leaning of the two. It was a degree of separation that would reverse when they came upon Lenny Bruce, the original shock comic, in the early '60s. "We were working in Chicago, and we went to see Lenny, and we were both blown away," Burns said, recalling the moment as the beginning of the end for their collaboration if not their close friendship. "It was an epiphany for George. The comedy we were doing at the time wasn't exactly groundbreaking, and George knew then that he wanted to go in a different direction."

That direction would make Carlin as much a social commentator and philosopher as comedian, a position he would relish through the years. "The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition," Carlin told the AP in a 2004 interview. "There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have."

Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, and grew up in the Morningside Heights section of Manhattan, raised by a single mother. After dropping out of high school in the ninth grade, he joined the Air Force in 1954. He received three court-martials and numerous disciplinary punishments, according to his official Web site. While in the Air Force he started working as an off-base disc jockey at a radio station in Shreveport, La., and after receiving a general discharge in 1957, took an announcing job at WEZE in Boston.

"Fired after three months for driving mobile news van to New York to buy pot," his Web site says.From there he went on to a job on the night shift as a deejay at a radio station in Fort Worth, Texas. Carlin also worked variety of temporary jobs including a carnival organist and a marketing director for a peanut brittle.

In 1960, he left with Burns, a Texas radio buddy, for Hollywood to pursue a nightclub career as comedy team Burns & Carlin. He left with $300, but his first break came just months later when the duo appeared on Jack Paar's "Tonight Show."Carlin said he hoped to emulate his childhood hero, Danny Kaye, the kindly, rubber-faced comedian who ruled over the decade Carlin grew up in - the 1950s - with a clever but gentle humor reflective of the times.It didn't work for him, and the pair broke up by 1962.

"I was doing superficial comedy entertaining people who didn't really care: Businessmen, people in nightclubs, conservative people. And I had been doing that for the better part of 10 years when it finally dawned on me that I was in the wrong place doing the wrong things for the wrong people," Carlin reflected recently as he prepared for his 14th HBO special, "It's Bad For Ya."Eventually Carlin lost the buttoned-up look, favoring the beard, ponytail and all-black attire for which he came to be known.

But even with his decidedly adult-comedy bent, Carlin never lost his childlike sense of mischief, even voicing kid-friendly projects like episodes of the TV show "Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends" and the spacey Volkswagen bus Fillmore in the 2006 Pixar hit "Cars."

Carlin's first wife, Brenda, died in 1997. He is survived by wife Sally Wade; daughter Kelly Carlin McCall; son-in-law Bob McCall; brother Patrick Carlin; and sister-in-law Marlene Carlin.

Associated Press writer Christopher Weber contributed to this report.

I Wouldn't Say It's Sad...

A few nights ago, I had the opprotunity to catch up with one of my cousins via phone. Connie is a businesswoman who does consulting which often takes her to Mexico. While on a recent trip to Mexico City, she had an opprotunity to leave the hotel late at night, escorted by her business partners. The hotel caters to westerners and has a chain link fence surrounding the entire complex. On her previous trip, Connie said she didn't remember the fence, but instead remembered the seedy area the hotel was in. While the hotel was the typical western business hotel, the riff raff of Mexico City collected on the street around it; drug dealers, prostitutes, etc.

As they loaded into a van, Connie spotted a young Mexican woman standing on the street corner. Short skirt, tight top, hair teased out to here. Didn't take much imagination to know her living wasn't made in a cubicle. Connie saw this girl and remarked to her Mexican counterparts, "That's so sad..."

One of them looked questioningly at her, paused and said, "I wouldn't say it's sad...I'd say it's her choice."

In America, we have opprotunities far, FAR greater thann those of our fellow earthlings. True, some people have more opprotunities than others-no one disputes that point.. In America, people probably have more chances to live their chosen life than Mexico. Doubtful anyone would dispute that. I think it's sad someone would choose to sell their own body, but the partner of Connie's was right-it IS a choice.

It may be easier than working in a factory. It may be cleaner than begging on the streets. It may be more dangerous than working in a risky job-but it IS still a choice. Especially in America.

George Carlin is credited with a saying that goes a little something like this:

"Being born gets you a ticket to the big show. Being born in America gets you a front row seat."

And with that incredible benefit of being born in the land of opprotunity, is anything really sad? Or are the choices people make sad?

Marcus is a Wii character?

My buddy, Kyle Kuhlman, just sent me this picture of a guy who, strangely enough, bears a close resemblence to moi! Here's his note that went with it:

Hey Marcus, I just got the Wii and made up a player of myself on the sports program. I put in all the attributes of myself, pulled up the picture and it looks remarkably like you.

So, faithful reader, what do you think? I'm a little disturbed that Wii has turned me into a video game character!

Learning By Example...Or Lack Thereof

I'm a firm believer in the motto:

Learn from the mistakes of others-you can't live long enough to make them all yourself

When I think back on my upbringing, I had strong parental role models. My folks weren't violent, they weren't neglectful, they weren't uninterested in the lives of their kids. This was my primary and frequent example of what a responsible parent does and who a respectful adult is. Easy as that.

But, as I said on my Father's Day post: I'm the fortunate minority. So many people grow up in an existence which is neglectful or abusive or controlling, pick your negative trait. I'd imagine those people looked around at the adults who mistreated them and swore up and down they'd never, EVER act that way when they grew up.

So who do you learn from? The good example you want to emulate? Or the bad example which makes you want to do the exact opposite? This is a great question and tells you a lot about your learning style.

I was recently listening to a podcast of one of my fav radio shows, The Dave Glover Show. Dave grew up with parents who were strict, solid, stoic and responsible. In his words, they never bought on credit, never missed any sort of payment, never bounced a check-exactly the kind of folks all Americans should financially emulate.

However, Dave said when he became an adult, he was fiscally stupid. Bounced checks, didn't balance his checkbook, owed tons of fees on credit cards, the typical picture of the 21st century American when it comes to money. Why would someone with such a great example then screw things up so royally? In his opinion, it was because he never saw the repurcussions of bad financial choices. The family never had the power turned off, never had the car repossessed, never had to worry about being able to get to the store because there was not food for gas (or groceries, for that matter.)

Again, when you've been shown and immersed in fiscal responsibility, why then would you be so terrible financially?

I don't get it, myself. I had parents much like Glover's. To me, living withh, oh, heat, electricity, food, gas, working automobiles-those were how responsible adults did life. You didn't blow money on gambling, lottery tickets, booze, cigarettes. Why? Because they weren't affordable? No! But who knew what was coming around the bend? If all the extra money got spent on entertainment, then there was gonna be problems when the old Plymouth broke down.To me, how I was taught from childhood on was wrapped up this way:


Save, save, save. When you've saved up a pot of money, then spend what you want-responsibly. But always, ALWAYS prepare for the unexpected.

Folks, had my parents not planned for the unexpected when I was hurt in that horrible crash, we may have been swimming in debt until, um, we were all dead and buried. It doesn't seem hard to me-just the simple idea of living within one's means.

Anyway, that was kinda a tangent about money, but let's get back to developing one's ways. Why did Dave see the same thing as me, but ended up being unable to make smart choices with money? I don't know-I can only say why I did NOT make bad choices.

Now that I'm a parent, I think about the lessons I want my stepkids to learn. Whether it's by my example (which I hope is good) or the examples by the parents of their friends (which may not be so good), I can only hope they observe, learn and put into practice the tools to make a successful life.

Am I speaking strictly financially? Not at all! One of my kids recently had a run in with an adult who, to put it mildly, has all the maturity of a spoiled 10 year old. Yet, this person has been an adult for decades. This "adult" acted in such a ridiculous way that I hope my kid observed-and in a way he/she will not copy.

Whether your examples have been good or bad, I hope we all have the sense and foresight to shun the bad, mimic the good and those (hopefully) will lead to the best life possible.

Greaser E.Q.

In addition to "A Tale Of Two Cities," there is at least one other book I should have read in high school. But, alas, I did not. As a teenager, I saw "The Outsiders" with Matt Dillon, but never read the book. Though it says "For junior and senior high readers" I'm now reading it in my early 30s.

What?! You've not read it, either? Here's a quick re-cap:

Tulsa, Oklahoma in the late 60s. The two opposite ends of the socio-economic spectrum: the greasers (low class) and the socias (sp? Either way, the preppy rich kids)

A greaser, Pony Boy, is talking with a socia girl, Cherry. They're talking about the differences in their two groups. The obvious answer is wealth; one has it, the other has none. Cherry makes another point, saying it's not only money, but sophistication. Greasers are emotional-they react to everything that happens. Socias are more sophisticated and hide their feelings more.

After reading "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goalman last year, I'm one of the converted:: i.e., those who know eemotional intelligence is a bigger factor in success than someone's I.Q. Part of being an emmotionally intelligent person is the ability to control one's emotions.

Pony Boy, the narrator of "The Outsiders" tells the story of how another greaser got arrested. Why? The greaser was in line at a store, another customer made a comment to him and the greaser turned around and BAM! Knocked out the customer with one punch. Emotionally intelligent? Not even clos. Reactionary and hot tempered? You bet your life..

The wise of the world have known E.Q. for a long while. Hey, even in the late 60s when the book was written someone seemed to know it. But whether we learn to control our emotions from the Harvard professor's book, or take a lesson in how NOT to do things from the greasers, it all adds up to one thing: out of control emotions can be the barrier to success.

Thoughts On Father's Day...

“Marcus, you go around the country inspiring people, but what inspires you?

This question was put to me a few years back. There are a ton of things which inspire me, but at the time, I had a simple answer: Springsteen lyrics.

See, just a few days prior, I’d picked up Springsteen’s latest release, “Devils And Dust.” Now, it wasn’t lyrics that inspired me to new levels, but rather, lyrics which showed me how fortunate I am. The example I gave to this person (and which I now share with you) was a few lines from my fav Boss song, “Long Time Coming.” Here goes:

“My Daddy he was just a stranger who lived in a hotel downtown,
When I was a kid he was just somebody…somebody I’d see around”

Folks, this lyric shows me I’m lucky. In this country where so many absentee fathers are simply out of the picture of the lives of their children, I didn’t have that problem. I hat a Dad who was still married to my mom, who came home from work, who didn’t abuse me, didn’t chastise me, didn’t treat me as a nuisance. A father who was actually a father, unlike the father figure from this tune. That, if nothing else, gave me a foundation so, so many people never got to have. I did…and I’m lucky.

2008 is my first Father’s Day as a father. You’d think that due to my role as a father now, I’d be all pumped about having love and attention lavished on me. Negative. I’m humble. I’m grateful. And above all else, I’m only doing the job of father that my dad taught me to do. Those accolades should be given to my Dad for teaching me to be a father and a man-it’s certainly not something I came to on my own.

Everyone knows that for a good portion of society, Christmas is a bittersweet holiday. The Norman Rockwell ideal of Christmas; family, a big turkey, a gorgeous tree, etc. isn’t all that realistic. Every year, someone dies, someone divorces, someone gets their feelings hurt and bans their participation with the family. That all American ideal is a tough one to live up to for most families.

Yet, I think Father’s Day is even more bittersweet. There are just so, so many absentee fathers out there, or fathers who never learned how to be a man; those who feel being a man means ruling with an iron fist, or controlling every action of the family, or that he should be thanked and commended at every turn due to the fact he’s a provider. Those aren’t things that make a man and we’ve done a shitty job in this country of associating testosterone-laden warriors as men. Emotionless, stoic men who never show any feelings, nor allow others to have feelings are the typical kind of men who (if they’re even around) are what wives and children often have to put up with.

With Father’s Day, we’ve been taught to honor our fathers’ sacrifices and child-rearing. But how do you honor a man who isn’t even in the picture? And should he be honored at all? And what about feeling obligated to honor a man who’s emotionally abusive? Or who suppresses one’s mother? Or who can’t get his stuff together enough to keep the family together? Those who have a father like this have to be really conflicted come the middle of June every year. I feel for them-I really do. I not only have a father who taught me to be a man, but two grandfathers who also emulated what a man should be. That makes me triple lucky. I get three male role models when so many people have none. I can’t help but feel a little greedy…and still so fortunate.

My listening pleasure this Father’s Day morning wasn’t Springsteen, but a guy out of Texas named Roger Craiger. Specifically his song, “I Got The Guns.” A better tribute to the men in his life has never been written. Summed up is one line which Roger seems to speak for all the guys out there who, like me, were so lucky to have positive male role models:

Maybe if I try real hard I can be half the man he was…”

With that, gentlemen, I hope that today you feel like I do. Lucky to be taught by good men and inspired to fulfill your role as father and man to the best of your ability. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there…and may this day be a reminder of the importance dads and men play in the lives of family. Let’ss not take this responsibility lightly.

Graduation Day!

On May 30, my stepson, Jordan, graduated from

University High School in Orlando.

Proud steppapa I am, I am!

Along with Jordan is my surrogate daughter and Hija, Tiffani (Jordan's girlfriend).

Couldn't be prouder of the both of 'em!

New Nephew!

On Memorial Day,

our new nephew

James

joined the world!

Mom and Dad

and his two big sisters

are all doing great!

Pinellas Area Nurse Educators

Yesterday, I had the privilege of presenting to the Pinellas Area Nurse Educators. The PANE Conference was held in St. Petersburg, FL. These nurses are all employed in either a hospital or educational setting, instructing future R.N.s on ways to be excellent health care providers.

A special thanks goes to Tammy Franqueiro for being such an awesome client!

It was truly an honor to work with such a quality group of nurses who are helping to make the healing processes of patients much, much better!

You're Always 17 In Your Hometown

Have you heard this song? "You're Always 17 In Your Hometown" by Cross Canadian Ragweed? I just did for the first time...kinda makes me nostalgic.

For some, the idea of high school brings a smile to the face. For others, they cringe. I kinda split the difference...

It's true...no matter who you've become since high school, that primary identity is how you'll be remembered forever. Granted, it's only by those people who knew ya then, but still. If you look at many famous people, not all of them were studs in high school. Hell, the whole reason why Marilyn Manson started a band was because he was an unpopular public high school kid who wanted some recognition, but couldn't get it through athletics like the other students. Doesn't it make you a little happy to think of the king of evil and darkness sitting in Algebra 1, chewing on his nails and wondering if he'll get slammed into a locker between classes?

In a few weeks, my class of '93 from Montgomery County R-2 High School will celebrate our 15 year reunion.

"You're always 17 in your hometown..."

True? Maybe, maybe not.

I was one of the people who really enjoyed high school, though not until my junior and senior years. Before then? Yeesh! Hated it! But once I was the big fish in a small pond, it was a blast!

Yet, due to the fact that six months after graduation I was blinded and changed forever, THAT is the image I think most folks in my hometown remember. No matter how many books I write, goals I reach, bucks I make, places I go, fame I acquire...my opinion is that, to those from my hometown, I'll never be anything but that kid who got in that bad accident.

And ya know what? I'm wrong. My opinion is that those residents may be limited in what they can view of me...but that just shows I'm the limited one. I box people into a boundary from which they can't escape. That puts me in the wrong. I'm more guilty than those I'm forming opinions about!

Thus, my goal is to just live it. My life, the way I want it, on my terms, growing, developing, focusing. TThe opinions of others won't hold me back, and I won't allow my opinions of myself or others to limit me, either.

For the upcoming reunion, my goal is to simply go into it, being excited I'm able to meet & greet with people I haven't seen iin 15 years. More so, though, I want to be able to throw out the opinions we often form in our youth-you don't always have to stay at 17 in your hometown.

"The Heroin Diaries"

I am a child of both the 80s and 90s. I got to have all the cool toys of the 90s like Nintendo and such, but got the awesome music of the 80s like U2, Eazy E, etc.

When I first remember rock and roll, it had the face of Motley Crue. Then, after their heyday, I started to sheepishly admit I liked the Crue. After all, hair bands were out, grunge was in; things like "Girls Girls Girls" had been replaced by more meaningful songs like Nirvana's "Lithium" and Pearl Jam's "Jeremy."

So, when I came across the Crue's drummer's book, "The Heroin Diaries" (by Nikki Sixx), I was a little embarrassed downloading it. I associate the Crue with partying, but true hardcore drug use? Nah, not so much – but I was wrong.

Turns out, according to many drug rehab counselors who worked with the Crue, Sixx had the worst heroin and coke habit of anyone they'd ever worked with. That includes everyone from the Stones to the Chili Peppers. Sixx was the quintessential junkie-coke to start the day, booze and junk until the wee hours of the morning.

And yet? He's alive to tell the story. And the story is good! I'm about halfway through "The Heroin Diaries" and, let me tell ya, there have been several times when I've felt my stomach lurch with visions of what life was like for Sixx back in 87.

And know the best thing of all? His dedication.

The book starts out with the dedication to all addicts who've kicked booze and drugs. Those who will kick junk, too.

I have an enormous amount of respect for recovering addicts. Truly, I do. It takes so much guts to admit, "I have a bad problem and I want to get better." To do that first step, then go through with the tough follow up of changing one's life altogether is a HUGE thing...I'm glad to see Sixx honoring those who've also made that gutsy move.

Thanks to Academy At The Lakes!

The last several days, book orders have been flowing in like "After This..." is going out of style! Almost all of these orders are from Academy At The Lakes in suburban Tampa, FL.

Academy At The Lakes hosted me for a spring program back in April. Then, last month, I learned Academy is using "After This..." as one of their summer reading choices.

Thanks to the decision makers at Academy who okayed this, but thanks to the students for being so pumped about getting your own copies! Hope I can make it back to Academy in the near future!

A Recent Obituary

In my literary life, there have been four phases:

1. When I didn't know how to read (birth to 3 or so)

2. When I loved to read! (3 until, say, 13)

3. When I hated reading and only picked up a book when it was assigned (13-17)

4. When I re-learned some passion for the written word; so much so I began to create my own (17-present)

For the last four or five years of phase #2, I'd often check out books from the public library in Montgomery City (just a hop, skip and a jump from my hometown). On Saturday mornings, you could find me sitting on the floor in the back of the library, flipping through giant picture books of warfare; everything from spears to M-16s in the Vietnam Conflict. In those shelves was where I learned the value of just how much knowledge there is in the world-and that's probably why I want to know EVERYTHING now! The rebellious, slothful teenage years hadn't kicked into full gear, so I was still able to dig books just because, well, I dig books. It wasn't yet cool to NOT like reading (something I hope teens today don't emulate.)

Anyway, there at the Montgomery County Public Library was an elderly librarian named Laura. The things I remember about Laura were 1. she was a heavy, heavy smoker (yes, this was in the days when no one seemed to have a problem with smoking in the library) and 2. she seemed to know EVERYTHING about books! It was Laura who first introduced me to J.R.R. Tolkein and the Lord of the Rings trilogy-some 15 years before the movies made "Hobbitt" a household word!

While at my parents' home last week, my Mom was flipping through the local paper when she came across Laura's obituary. Laura hadn't really crossed my mind in years, but at the news of her passing, I thought back on those Saturday mornings. I also began to remember something Laura taught me without ever even knowing she was sending a lesson along...

Another library employee who worked with Laura was profoundly disabled. I don't think I ever knew this woman's name, and my best guess is that she had a severe case of cerebral palsey. This woman would sit behind Laura's desk in her electric wheelchair, body twisted at what looked like painful angles, jerky, robotic movements to sort books into large metal bins.

What I assume was C.P. had robbed this woman of all but the most sparce of motor functions. She could grip a book, but couldn't sit it down gently. Into the big metal bin the books would go, nearly shaking the windows with the clattering "BANG!" In the years I went to the library, this woman never spoke. Guessing here, but it seemed her disability wouldn't allow her verbal communication, either.

Sitting just a few feet away from Laura, she'd do her tasks of book organizing, books banging all the while. Laura, meanwhile, checked the cards in each of my loans, talked to me about the content of each, asked me about the last books, I'd read, never once paying attention to the ruckus being raised just a step away.

Was she oblivious to the noise? Unlikely. She was, however, comfortable working with this woman and her limitations. At the first loud slam, it would have seemed proper to drop what she was doing, run to the aid of the woman at the rear, check to see if everything was okay. But she didn't. Why? Probably because she knew nothing was wrong, just accepting this woman's disability and the tiny inconveniences that went along with it. She didn't offer help, didn't hover, just let the woman perform her task.

Laura certainly never acted like her co-worker had any sort of cognitive disability. To this day, I don't know if she did or not. My guess is no. She simply lived in a body that had more limitations than almost any other I've ever met. But Laura didn't treat her like she was profoundly disabled-she just let her do her job.

Frankly, Laura's comfort level with a person of this limited ability was disconcerting to my pre-teen self. It was, however, exactly how a person with a disability should be treated: with respect, honor and without making the disability their sole identity. Some of the best lessons are taught by inaction; when a loud crash would happen, Laura wouldn't even look up. I wanted to yell, "What happened?! Is she okay?!" all while pointing toward the figure in the electric wheelchair. But I didn't. Because Laura didn't act like anything was wrong. That made me also think nothing was wrong. Laura would finish her stamping of my books, wish me luck and would turn back to her own novel and overflowing ashtray.

You know, I'm not sure I'd ever thought of this until I heard of Laura's passing, but I have to think her actions (or more specifically, lack thereof) towards individuals with disabilities helped mold my opinions. Never assume that if one's body doesn't work well, that their mind doesn't, too. Don't hover, don't coddle, don't protect-just allow that person to live his/her life and to do their job.

When I became a person with a disability, I knew darned good and well I didn't want to be treated in a way other than the respect Laura showed her co-worker. I hope this memory may remind you, faithful reader, of how to respect and honor the existence of all people, those with disabilities and those without. If there's net access in the hereafter, I hope Laura may read this and rest assured she helped mold the life of one little bookworm many years ago.

Missouri Rehab Association

As promised, here are the pics from the MRA conference from earlier this week. It was truly a joy to be with all the MRA folks – again, these are some of the most giving, delightful people I could ever hope to work with! Left to right we have Frank, an assessment guru with A.O. of Springfield (and one of the kindest people you could ever hope to meet), my client, Kim Vaughn, a Voc Rehab counselor, moi, and Joe, an administrator with A.O. of Springfield (and one of the most professional, dedicated individuals I've ever worked with.) Thanks again, MRA, for doing what you do and for welcoming me into your conference! Y'all are a blast!

International Shriners Day!

In honor of the founding of the International Council of Shriners of North America on June 6, 1876, nobles (aka, Shriners) everywhere celebrate International Shrine Day!

Having just become a Shriner within the last few months, I'm proud to be celebrating my first Shrine Day. How does this work? Simple:

Nobles everywhere are to wear their red fez, a Shrine tee-shirt or a Shrine lapel pin-just to show their affiliation with the Shrine. If you've not seen a fez, take a look at that handsome devil in the pic...see that big thing on his head? No, not his nose! That red thing that looks like an inverted narrow bucket? That's the traditional Shriner's fez. Think wearing one of those to Wal-Mart may generate some awareness? If nothing else, it'll definitely show some fashion sense!

Still, what is the Shrine? What do they do? What do they believe? Why do they wear funny hats?

Simply put, the Shrine is a Masonic fraternity body created to have fun with a purpose. The fun results from fraternization, parties, socials, parades, etc., and the purpose remains the same: to support the Shriners Hospitals of North America.

Shriners Hospitals are some of the best medical care one can get for burns and orthopedic issues that confront children. No patient at a Shriners Hospital is ever charged a single penny-this makes the Shrine Hospitals the greatest philanthropy in the world. With a daily operating budget in excess of $2 million, the fun we nobles have is only surpassed by the incredible help given to children in need of intense medical care.

Happy Shrine Day to my fellow nobles!

If you'd like to learn more about the Shrine and the philanthropic work we Shriners do, please view:

http://www.shrinenet.com/

or my home Shrine's web page at:

http://www.bahiashrine.com/

Family Pharmacy Teams With Marcus!

Well, it's finally happened! Ever since the release of my books in the fall of 2006, I've looked for a retailer in my hometown. You'd think this wouldn't be so challenging, but it sure was!

Then, a retailer found me! In March, I was honored to be the key note speaker at the National Honor Society induction at my alma mater, Montgomery County R-2 in Montgomery City, MO.

Attending the induction of their daughter, Ellie, were Jack and Janet Holtman, owners of Family Pharmacy in Montgomery City. Mr. and Mrs. Holtman (and Ellie) purchased my books and passed them along to several others after they read them. As always, I'm humbled and honored when anyone passes my book along with the recommendation, "Hey, you should read this!"

Well, Jack and Janet also decided to inquire about becoming a retailer of "After This..." and "The Other End of The Stethoscope." I, of course, was ecstatic to be able to offer books to readers in my hometown by way of a local retailer!

Family Pharmacy is located on North Sturgeon in Montgomery City, MO. I hope folks from my home area will stop in, say HI to Jack and Janet, and maybe pick up a book while they're at it!

Special thanks to Jack and Janet Holtman for their desire to help me spread my message!

MRA

Yesterday morning, I was the keynote speaker for the closing session at the Missouri Rehabilitation Association 2008 annual conference. What a treat!

Folks, let me give you a little idea of what members of the MRA do...

Let's pretend you're a Missourian (and skip this step if you are, in fact, a resident of the Show-Me State). You become disabled or, for whatever reason, you've just never worked with the state. You and your disability go to Vocational Rehab, explain your disability and the counselor tells you what your next options are. He/she gives you a choice of a few different orgs which will do evaluation, testing and training, all in an effort to minimize the effects of your disability AND help you to become a productive, employable member of society.

Now, faithful reader, think what sort of personality it takes to work in this field?

Those who work in the field of rehabilitation are typically caregivers-they want to help, nurture and support others to accomplish the individual's goals. THIS is the kind of person I was humbled to work with through MRA. I'm tellin' ya...every single person I met had such a warm, comfortable and caring aura about them...I just wanted to give the entire audience hugs!

A very, VERY big thanks goes to Kim Vaughn from the Springfield Voc Rehab office for being such a great client (and for being just a sweetheart of a person). I'd also like to acknowledge Joe, Brian and Frank from A.O. out of Springfield, MO, as well. Faithful Reader, you could not find three kinder individuals if you went to the International Convention of Nice People! These three guys are precisely the types of folks who line the streets of heaven (at least, in my personal idea of heaven).

Thanks to all the counselors, providers and vendors who attended the MRA conference! And especially to all those who purchased books and took the time to chit chat with me afterwards. I'm truly humbled by what you do and how you do it!

(pictures coming tomorrow, don't worry!)

You Can't Help Those...

Yesterday morning I returned to Missouri for a few different things; family reunion, speaking at a conference, a few other business items. First, though, was the family reunion...

Ever been to a family reunion? Like, extended family? These events have the potential to be really great-or really miserable. Luckily, this one fell closer to the great side of things.

After the reunion, a few cousins came back to my parents' house for a bit. We were discussing other relatives and friends (non-gossipy, of course!) when someone brought up someone's medical situation. The gentleman in question has been in terrible health for the last year or more. He's middle aged, but the pain his body is in is more like that of an 80 year old. And yet? He refuses to go to the doctor.

This gentleman's family has talked until they're blue in the face, trying to convince him to seek a doctor's insight-or at least get some medicine. SOMETHING to get him well again. Still, he refuses.

While we were discussing this situation, my cousin, Richard,, made a completely appropriate point:

"You can't help those who won't help themselves."

Family has such a different realm of dynamics. They can love unconditionally...and they can spike emotional pain like nothing else. Welcome to family!

Most generally, those in our family get more grace than the average person on the street. We pour loads of emotional energy into trying to help those with whom we share DNA. And when family members refuse something so obviously good for them, what do we do?

I think Richard's summation is quite appropriate. For family, for friends, for Joe Average guy on the street-you can't help those who won't help themselves.

Things My Father Taught e...

I'm a certified craigslist junkie. I admit it. When someone wants to unload 2000 hardback mystery novels for a $20 bill, there's Marcus ready to buy them up. Or non-used espresso makers. Or 12 string guitars. Or whatever catches my ear.

The very best part of craigslist is (strangely enough) called, "Best Of Craigslist" (convenient, eh?)

Usually Best Of consists of hilarious accounts of blind dates, trying to sell some useless junk, humorous prose or whatever aspiring writers think is entertaining for Joe CLer like moi.

Today, though, I found the following. Could a better tribute be paid to anyone? Not the usuall funnies I find on Best Of, but coming up on Father's Day, I thought I'd share...
***************

Things my father taught me--------------------------------------------------------------------
The measurement of my finger from the tip to the first joint is 1 inch...depth for planting peas.
The measurement to the second joint is 2 inches...depth for corn.
Return borrowed things in better shape than when you borrowed them.
There are two types of trouble...one is the trouble you knowingly walk into, the other is trouble that just happens...it's important to know the difference.

Walk softly but carry a big stick.
if you have to use said stick, make sure who you use it on, doesn't get up.
Grits is good.
Foul language is a sign of a limited vocabulary
Orion, the Big and Little Dippers.
Everyone is a friend until proven otherwise.
Licorice ferns, huckleberries, nettles, sword ferns.
Tabasco won't kill you even if you eat it by the spoonfull.
Don't watch the clock when you're at work.
Fish can see you if you look over the side of the boat.
Fish can hear you if you talk to loud.
Respect the elders.
Never go to bed angry.
That which does not kill you will hurt like the dickens, but it will make you stronger.
Family is the most important thing on earth.
How to play the guitar, spoons, mouth harp, and water filled bottles.
The true meaning of "Self Made Man"
If you don't know something, go to the library and learn it.
The phrases "I don't know", "I forgot", or "I tried (and failed)" are excuses.
There is a difference between an excuse and a reason, know the difference.
Take care of your apperance...even if it is just a t-shirt and jeans.
The world can change everything about you, except your point of view...unless you allow it to.

David L. McDonald
born 1936-passed 2008
precious father
beloved husband
A right good fellow.

Ratting Yourself Out

Close friends and family make a joke out of how much I dislike movies. At first glance, most folks probably think this is due to me not being able to see the screen. Negative. It's totally, TOTALLY an attention span thing. I loathe sitting through a two hour movie of average quality then, at the end saying, "Welp, there's two hours of my life I'll never get back!"

So, this may be a little odd (and disjointed) when I share a scene from a movie. And worse? I'm not even 100% sure what movie I'm talking about!

Let's assume I do, though, and let's hope my memory serves correct and I really AM referring to "Rush Hour." (One of 'em, I don't remember which). A fast talking L.A. cop reminiscent of Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop, is put in charge of an Asian law enforcement expert while the Asian guy is in town. The L.A. cop hates this task, talks all kind of crap to, about and around the visitor. The Asian visitor politely smiles, says nothing, and disregards the angry and frustrated tone of his "host."

A bit later in the flick, the Asian busts out with some perfectly articulated English. When the L.A. cop asks him why he'd waited so long to reveal his fluency, the Asian says, "I've found it's best to just let people talk for a while. That way, you can see just how full of shit they are."

A subtle reminder to just keep quiet? Yup.

Now, flashback to a meeting I attended last week. I was sitting down with two guys who work in the home construction business. Put any two builders together and, within minutes, they'll start talking about what idiots inspectors are. The case was no different here.

One builder explained how an inspector showed up to his property. They shook hands, introduced themselves, then the inspector started examining the project. The builder followed close at his heels, always ready to answer questions, but never speaking without being asked directly.

After the inspection, the two stood silently while the inspector glanced over his notes. One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. Four minutes. Never did the inspector raise a pencil or a question, just silently read his paperwork. Finally, the builder asked, "Is there anything else you need to inspect?" The inspector glanced up and said, "Is there anything else you need to show me?" The builder looked back and said, "Well, you're the inspector...and you've seen it all. Is there a problem with anything?"

Pure genius here....

The inspector said, "If I stand here quietly for a while, most often, the builder will start to ramble on and spill the beans about what's not up to code."

Since the builder didn't do this, inspection passed!

Silence is truly golden sometimes, isn't it? And for a dude who makes his living speaking, this pains me to say! The key here that both the Asian law enforcement expert AND the builder know is when to talk...and when to keep their traps shut. We could all take a lesson, don't ya think?

Parenting

Over the weekend, a buddy and I were playing around on youtube and other such time-wasting sites. We came across a recorded conversation via phone between Hulk Hogan and his son, Nick Hogan.

Nick Hogan, as you may well know, is serving eight months in a FL county jail after pleading no contest to reckless driving. The charges stemmed from a wreck in the summer of 2007 in which his passenger, John, was severely injured and entered a coma from which he's not ever expected to return.

Hulk and Nick's conversation was, in a word: sickening. Hulk is basically telling his son that John, the passenger, was an agressive, arrogant young man who, due to his actions, was placed in this coma by God. In Hulk's own words, "God laid some heavy shit on that kid..." Nick took this as prompting and said, "Well, John was a negative person..."

Never mind Nick was driving the car. Never mind Nick may have very well been intoxicated. Never mind the passenger, John, will probably be a vegetable for the rest of his life...it's John's fault and God's will. Or, so says the Hulk.

No personal accountability, no personal responsibility, nothing but arrogant disregard. Yep, that's Hulk's parenting style. Needless to say, Hogan does NOT know best.

Now, let's contrast this with a note from my friend, Debe Hoffman. Last week, Debe was watching Dr. Phil with her 19 year old, Caleb. The episode showed brats and how awful they are to their parents, how mean they are at school, the typical showcasing of brats.

As the episode went on, Caleb started commenting about how the brats' parents are to blame. Debe engaged her son, agreed for the most part, but said that at some age, personal accountability kicks in and then, no matter what the parent does, it's the brat's choice to be bratty. Caleb agreed, but really, really put the lion's share of the blame on the parents.

He continued to get more and more adament about the parents' responsibility. Debe finally laughed and said, "I wish I'd have recorded this to play back to you when you're a parent...that everything is the fault of the parents and nothing is the kids fault!"

Caleb stopped, looked her in the eye and softly said, "Mom, you don't get it. I'm saying that the reason I'm not a brat is because of you. You showed me personal responsibility when I was a kid. The mothers on this show can't hold a candle to the terriffic job you did of raising me."

Parents, wouldn't you like to be Debe? If, in a dozen years or so, my stepkids are happy, healthy, mature adults and return to say thank you for what little influence I had in their late adolescent years, well, I'll be happy. Still, every parent knows the greatest reward is to see the kid develop and grow into that well-rounded adult. And I'll keep my fingers crossed I can help mine along the way-if just a little.

Maybe we need to submit this for a reality series: Hoffman Knows Best! I'll darned sure watch that over Tia Tequila!

Why I Can Do What I Do

On the flight back to Orlando yesterday, I got a good little reminder from the Southwest Airlines pilot on flight 3032. As we're descending into Orlando, the pilot said over the PA, "Hope y'all are having a great Memorial Day weekend...I'm glad we could spend part of it with you. Please, if you know a vet, be sure to tell them, 'Thank you.'"

Why can I do what I do? Because of soldiers who've protected my first amendment rights. Why can I travel in relative safety throughout the country? Because of our soldiers fighting terrorism in the Middle East. Why are we able to go to the store without fear of being blown up by a car bomb in the Target parking lot? Because our soldiers are helping to keep those kinds of homicidal killers out of our country. Why am I able to sleep a little easier at night, even as we head into hurricane season in Florida? Because if a catastrophe strikes, the National Guard will be at the ready immediately.

You, too, benefit from all these privledges protected by our active soldiers and vets. To those brave souls, you have my unending gratitude...and my hope that other Engel's Ensights readers will pass along theirs, as well.

Catching Up

What? No Engel's Ensights posts the past few days? What gives?

What gives was lack of net access. Just returned from a few days in The Lou with family and friends. Took tohe trip back in order to visit my aunt and uncle, as well as see some friends, all of which was topped off by a fantastic show by Robert Earl Keen at the Pageant!

Man, one of the best REK shows I've witnessed! Forget the opening act, forget the North Mississippi All Stars, REK took the cake with his stories and songs when he took the stage.

I want to send out special thanks to my buddy, Steve Stair, for getting us the tickets. At the last moment, Steve was unable to attend due to a terminally ill father. As he said, "I can't miss a moment with my father...I'd feel awful forever if he died while I was out seeing a concert." In times like this, you do whatever you think is right. And Stair is the kinda guy who does things right.

Thanks to my friends, Amy and Andy, for some pre-show entertainment consisting of old stories and crab rangoons!

And with that, I'll bid you farewell until the next post. Don't worry-loads of stories and insights to share!

The Sign Of A True Professional

Is there any hotter of a topic than religion? Historically, religion has been used to justify the slaughter of millions,, to push governmental policies, to create laws and, worst of all, to justify the crimes committed against humanity. Listen to anyone who is a strong, strong believer of anything faith based and, chances are, you'll hear someone with a very slanted opinion.

This is why I was so encouraged when I heard a recent interview with Dr. William B. Bradshaw. Dr. Bradshaw is a retired college president, professor and novelist-as well as having one of the only degrees ever given (maybe the only one at all!) in (get this) demonology.

Now, if you think the study of demons is some wacky degree you get off line for $25 and a framed certificate-think again. Dr. Bradshaw is a graduate of Yale Divinity school and St. Andrew's University. Oh, and he's a retired protestant minister, to boot.

If someone is a minister, you can bet he/she had a very, very strong belief in deity...duh! How many athiests ever decide to go to seminary?!

Dr. Bradshaw was being interviewed on my fav radio show, The Dave Glover Show on 97.1 FM in St. Louis. Dave asked a very pointed question: After studying anything and everything to do with demons, everything from Biblical accounts to being "hands on" at an exorcism, have you come to your own personal conclusion about whether or not demons exist?"

Now, folks, this is where Dr. Bradshaw showed some true, true professionalism. Let's not forget he is retired-after over 40 years of study. Studying EVERYTHING! For decades! And yet? His answer to Dave's querry?

"I have come to my personal conclusion. However, I do not share my personal beliefs. If I tell you my personal beliefs, I leave the position of an academic and step into the role of a convertor. I want the study of demonology to be as academic as possible, so I do not share my personal beliefs."

Do you get how awesome this is? He's a minister, so he obviously believes the Christian set of beliefs is correct. Yet when it comes to his academic studies, he wants no part of teaching his beliefs, but rather, only focusing on the study from a strictly academic perspective. Do you know what kind of self discipline and respect for academia this must take? And what would you expect from an academic?

I salute you, Dr. Bradshaw, for remaining a true professional...and, I'll soon be reading your book, too!

Is This A Way To Save On Gas? Neigh!

Earlier this week, there was a report of a Tennessee man who is trying to beat the high gas prices-by riding his horse to work.

Now, that's a cute story and all. Most folks love horses and would probably like to ride occassionally. Maybe even often, depending on just how much you love horses. But a money saver?

The man admits his horse eats approximately $150-$200 worth of food every month. Plus, the horse itself was probably several thousand dollars. Vet bills, housing accomodations, care, saddle, tack, ...yeah, not such a money saver, buddy!

We live in one of the most congested areas around. So much so that running little errands like going to the post office or dry cleaner take an hour, even though they are both within three or four miles of the front door. Why? Traffic.. And yet? Do we spend $200 per month on gas? Maybe, but if so, that's a real, real expensive month.

If someone wants to ride their horse, fine! More power to 'em! And if someone wants to ride his/her horse to work, even more fine! But it is NOT a money saver, folks-and don't pretend it is!

Thank You, Discovery Channel!

We all like secrets, right? Conspiracy theories, secret societies, under-the-table goings-on...all these things intrigue the average mind. At least, my average mind.

As you may have read in my autobiography, I'm a Freemason. As you may also know, Freemasons are always under the gun by conspiracy theorists and other whackos who want to make our humble brotherhood into something it's not; namely, a new world order which controls everything from the Catholic church to the government of your town. Negative, on all counts.

Tonight, the Discovery Channel had several hours of documentaries on Freemasonry. Without a doubt, this is the most balanced, accurate and fair depiction I've ever seen on the Masonic Lodge. Major, major props go to the Discovery Channel for their representation of the fraternity.
Was it all accurate? Nah, not really. Their footage of an actual Masonic Entered Apprentice initiation was far from correct(something probably intended by the Masonic actors), but at least the Discovery Channel did not participate in the usual Freemasonry bashing by conspiracy weirdos.

In fact, in our age of media hype where mountains are made of mole hills, I give such huge props to DC for bringing it all back home at the end of the program. See, in the intro, they had two or three "experts" making outlandish claims about the Masons; they control all governments of all countries, they are responsible for thousands of unsolved murders world wide, etc.

At the end of the program, after showing how many conspiracies simply don't hold water, they had more comments by the "experts." Here is where DC really gets kudos...the first expert then started to discuss how extra terrestrials came from outer space, landed in Europe, bred with the giants of the world to create slaves which are now known as homo sapiens...and those slaves were the first Masons. Beg pardon, Sir Whack Job? By completing the program with such outlandish claims, the "experts" showed their true colors of Fruit Loops...thereby giving more creedence to the true work of the order-brotherly love, relief, truth and the betterment of the individual man.

Again, in our age of biased media and puffing up every story as the next giant headline, it was really refreshing to see Discovery Channel keeping things in perspective and showing the truth-no matter how boring it really is!

Things I'm Afraid Of...

I have a couple of different web sites. I have three or four blogs. I have a profile on MySpace, facebook and linkedin, as well as some other networking sites. With these elements, you'd probably think I was pretty tech savvy. Negative.

Technology scares me. Maybe not scares, but definitely intimidates. See, technology itself is kinda intimidating. Just learning to do something new takes some courage, but to learn to do something new AND learning it with commands for my adaptive screen reading software makes it a whole different ball of wax.

I've hesitated for a long, long time on getting a new cell phone. Yet, when I finally got my new cell about a month ago, I wondered how I've lived so long without these new features. This phone has totally improved my relationship with my stepkids, believe it or not. Teenagers seem as though their main form of communication is text messaging. With my new phone, I can finally do that! Just dropping little notes to my stepdaughter telling her to have a good night at work, or an inside joke between my stepson and I, these have made our overall relationship all the more fun!

Another thing I've resisted is the whole Ipod movement. There have been accessible mp3 players and IPOD-ish devices for a while now, but there's double the learning curve when you're using adaptive technology.

Well, I finally bit the bullet. Yesterday, I ordered the new Victor Stream. The Victor Stream is an accessible player which has accessible software for blind users, but can play all digital music, books, podcasts, etc. It hasn't even arrived, but in prep for the minute it hits my hands, I've been working on downloading different things.

One thing I really, really miss about STL is talk radio. Orlando is just lacking in this department. And specifically I miss 97.1 FM Talk from STL. And even more specifically, I miss the Dave Glover Show. I can still stream it in sometimes, but it's kinda a pain in the rump. So, in a given month, I doubt I've caught the DGS more than two or three times...but not any more!

As of yesterday, I've started downloading all the episodes and placing them on my laptop. I can play them right here on the computer, or wait until the Victor Stream arrives and transfer there. Either way, this world of the DGS has once again opened up to me!

And why was I intimidated? Fear of failure, pure and simple. But I know I'm not an idiot, so with a little practice I can figure it out. And I have. And now I'm enjoying my favorite show again.

Fear is crap. I hate fear. And yet, like everyone, I succumb to it from time to time. I'm glad this isn't going to be one of those times. There is so much upside potential once that fear is conquered that it makes me question my fear about other technological things. What's my next tech fear to overcome? Dunno...but when I see it, I won't turn away!

Fool Me Once...

When last I ranted about a recent trip to the doctor's office (dermatologist, to be precise) you heard about the pathetic, controlling nature of the doc's administrative nurse out front. This "health care professional"(and I use that term loosely) stated that their office policy was to not allow couples in to see the doctor together. Ridiculous, I know... and it was proven so when my lovely bride questioned the doctor about this. He said, "Of course your husband can be in here!"

Well, today was follow-up day. Marvelyne has had two stitches in her nose the last eight days from a biopsy of a questionable area; not to mention two non-stitched locations on her right leg where samples were also taken. Yours truly had one spot removed from his back. As all good dermatological offices should, the combined four samples were biopsied - and all came back as benign. Whew!

Now, let me explain a few other things...

When Marvelyne first made the appointment, it was primarily to discuss an area on her temple that we were concerned about. This was explained to the nurse before the doctor entered the exam room. Once the doctor came in, he looked at a couple of areas and then ordered the tests. When Marvelyne began to ask him about the area she was concerned about, he refused to even look at it, and said, “That’s enough with these other three today. Come back in six weeks and we'll look at that one."

Folks, what does this say to the patient? If you're wondering, I'll tell you what it says to me, the patient (well, the husband of the patient):

"Yeah, it could be cancer, but we're not going to mess with it for another month and a half. In fact, I'm so unconcerned with it, I'll not even examine it, much less take a sample to be sure, but I'll have you inconvenience your schedule, worry yourself sick and come back later so I can charge you for another office visit! Won't that be fun?"

Did he really say this? With the exception of the money talk... yes. More or less, his attitude is one of disregard for his patient's feelings, time and finances. This is EXACTLY why this dermatologist will not, in fact, get Marvelyne's appointment in six weeks. Does any patient want to be treated by a doctor who disrespects these highly important aspects? Negative, ghost rider.

So, we'll search out a new doctor. And if you've had opportunities to be treated as less than human by physicians – take the matter into your own hands. Be fair, but be fair to yourself, too-patients are customers. If the physician does not offer good patient care, then it should be viewed as a restaurant offering less than adequate customer service. I encourage you to respect yourself and be treated as the valuable patient you are.

Shantaram

Several years ago, like, at least two, I had a book reccomended by a friend, Alice. Two days later, this same book was reccoed by another friend, Andy. This wasn't the new Stephen King, nor Patterson, nor anyone I'd ever heard of. The book? "Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts.

When I finally worked down the ol' "to read" list to "Shantaram", I was pumped to get started on it! That is, until it actually arrived.

Sidebar: I receive all my books on extended play, four track cassettes from the National Library Services. An average book (say one of those by Patterson or Grisham) will usually run three, maybe four cassettes in total. Four cassettes equals sixteen total sides equals around a 700 page book.

When "Shantaram" arrived, folks, it came in two boxes it's so big! Now, I ain't skeered of a long book, but this is probably the second longest work I've ever read (the first being "It" by King which I read when I was 14)..

"Shantaram" weighs in at a whopping 29 sides and well over 900 pages. Twenty pages into the novel? I was hooked!

Roberts has led a fascinating, fascinating life. While "Shantaram" is a novel and fiction, it traces many of the experiences Roberts has had. While not a true autobiography, his accounts of Bombay, etc. are true to form due to having lived in the sub-continent for many years.

Now, I'll not spoil the story for you, faithful reader, but if you'd like to check out a little about "Shantaram", take a look at:

www.Shantaram.com

I was checking out some of the info on the site and ran into a quote of Roberts' I really like:

Love the truth, and be true to love.

I'm only on side three (approx. 75 pages) thus far, but if this philosophy is prevelant in "Shantaram" (which from all accounts it will be), expect to hear even more about this work on EE in the coming days!

Happy Mother's Day!

Just wanted to say a very happy mother's day to all the moms out there!

Ya know, Mother's Day is all based around honoring the work and sacrafices of moms. Yet, every mother I know isn't as honored by flowers and lunch as seeing her kids grow up to be happy, healthy and successful. Not financially successful as much as a mature, well-rounded emotionally sound adult. And that doesn't just get shown on Mother's Day, but all year round.

So, if you're a mom, I wish you the happiest of Mother's Days! And if you have a mom, be sure to tell her today how much she's done for you. Happy Mom's Day!

Criticize With The Mouth, Compliment With The Hand

Have you ever had a disagreement with someone via E mail? If so, you probably know how quickly tempers rise and the situation spins out of control. There are people with whom I'd never, ever verbally spar, but when we E chat? It's like cats and dogs. Welcome to communication with words, but without inflection, pauses, softening the tone, etc.

I was just reading an article on business advice. The writer interviewed some big time CEOs and asked, "What's the best business advice you ever received?"

The answer I enjoyed the most was from the head honcho of a major cosmetics company. In essence, he said his predecessor shared with him the title of this blog post.

Specifically, when you have to critique aan employee or a peer(or anyone, for that matter), do it verbally and in person. When you're ready to compliment someone, do it in writing.

Why is this so helpful?

Well, to start, having a written record of a criticism is something most folks tend to dwell over again and again and again. A few weeks ago, I got an E mail from a business relation. Some of her points were legit, some were just stupid. But it all came into my ears as criticism. I looked at this E mail no more than half a dozen times, dissecting it, analyzing it, cursing it-all before I realized I was driving myself nuts. Then, I deleted it. And quickly deleted my entire recycle bin.

Plus, a "Good job!" or "Atta boy!" doesn't mean nearly as much if it's in passing. If someone compliments me with words written in an E mail or letter, I treasure that. I don't if they just say it. After all, compliments are handed out constantly(step into any department store and you'll quickly be complimented by a sales person).

I'd never heard it put quite this concisely, but from now on, any disagreement will not be met with a reply to an E mail, but with a call. Any time I need to compliment someone, it'll be by using the tips of my fingers.

Hope this advice works for you, too.

When You're A Professional...

I just got back from an appointment with a new dermatologist. It was a fairly wretched experience. The physician himself was a pretty good guy, but his staff? Yeesh. Awful. Unfortunately, this doctor has missed one of the keys to being a professional-be sure the people representing you are professional, too.

Here's how this went down...

Marvelyne and I scheduled appointments back to back. We both wanted to hear what the doc had to say to the other. Fair enough, especially since my reason for the appt. was so the dermatologist could point out skin blemishes to Marvelyne I obviously don't see.

When the secretary called Marvelyne's name from the waiting room, I got up, too. Convo went down like this:

Secretary: "Sir, we'll see you when your wife is finished."
Marcus: "We're together."
Sec: "I'm sorry, but we don't see couples together. She can come get you when it's your turn."
Marcus: "So, she can be in my appointment, but I can't be in hers? That doesn't make sense."
Sec: "I'm sorry, sir, but that's our policy."

Now, folks, that was NOT their policy. In fact, when the doc came into Marvelyne's appt., she asked, "Can my husband be in here?" The doc's response was what it should be, "Of course!"

Still, 10 minutes later, I was finally allowed into the exam room with my wife-and with a temper about at the boiling point. I'd not yet met the doc, but what do you think my overall impression was? Yep-negative.

Any professional knows he/she must, MUST have representatives who give a favorable impression. This doc does not have that person on his staff. In fact, instead of a non-issue(a worst case scenario for a physician's secretary), he has one who does harm.

This isn't to say the doc himself was bad. He was fine, but the impression was already made by his crappy secretary.

After being represented by a speaker's bureau in the past, and after having different web designers creating work to represent me, and an army of past marketing folks, I know one thing-do NOT hire anyone who cannot properly represent me to others. I've made this mistake time and time again. Is it even possible not to? Sure, but just like finding Prince Charming, sometimes you've gotta kiss a lot of frogs

The key is, when you realize the person representing you is a frog, it's time to make frog legs. As a professional, I will never continue to allow someone to represent me in person, print, communication or video who cannot make me look fabulous. Seems like doctors need this lesson, too.
.

Birthday Thanks!

Yours truly hhit the big 33 yesterday! It was a fantastic day and I couldn't be happier with how it went! Thanks to all who sent cards, E mails, called and, most of all, for the bazillions of MySpace and Facebook comments with birthday wishes! I felt rock star popular!

Around here, it was work as usual for a good portion of the day. Went out for some errands in the afternoon and treated myself to some new clothes. Dinner with Marvelyne and the kids at Uno's for dinner, then off to the Shrine for the Florida Shrine Association fun!

And what did I get? Well, believe it or not, my favorite gift was socks. Yes, socks. When I bought my tux a few weeks ago, the only expense I spared was a pair of black silk socks. It's ridiculous to pay nearly $20 for one pair of socks. But Marvelyne, being the astute girl that she is, watched for the sale and got the final component of "pimp Marcus out" wear!

Also got a James McMurtry CD(BTW, if you dig alt country, check out his tune "Choctaw Bingo." If you're easily offended, don't.) Also got Old Crow Medicine Show's "Big Iron World" and the best of the Dave Glover Show(a little reminder of STL and back home). Gator wear is now in full effect as my stepson will be starting at University of Florida this fall(thank God I like blue and orange!).

Again, turning 33 just reinforced how blessed I am to have such a fabulous family, such great friends and a fulfilling career which introduces me to so many incredible people. Thanks, everyone!

Birthday Thanks!Well, yours truly hit the big 33 yesterday. Who'd have thunk I'd live this long? Ha!

Different People, Different Reactions

Why are you the way you are? Like, think of one of your bad personality traits. Any reason why you're that way?

Some mental health experts like to think each child is born with a clean slate. I.E., their personality is created by experiences. Realistically, this makes little sense.

Still, I find it fascinating to explore people. Why am I the way I am? Why are you the way you are?

One of my negative traits is that I'm controlling. I want to have a precise and accurate and efficient plan for everything. Then, I want that plan carried out to a T. I get edgey with detours from that plan and often get angry if things don't happen the way they were intended. Grr. I hate this about myself.

Why am I this way? Well, I can't specifically point to instances from childhood, but I can certainly imagine it has something to do with my blindness and loss of sight at 18. See, I had zero control while I was hospitalized. I couldn't feed myself, wash myself, breathe on my own...even wipe myself. Zero control. So, when little bits of self control started coming back, I latched on with a death grip!

Secondly, in my life as a single blind dude living alone, I had to plan things pretty specifically. I'd stock up on groceries because, well, if I run out of something, getting to the store isn't quite as easy as it once was. I kept my home in a moderately precise order. If the remote control gets misplaced, I can't just glance down at the coffeetable to see it's still there, just two foot out of the way. Plus, as much as it pains me to admit it, there was a weird insecurity thing I had going on: I will be anal retentive and even more precise with my appearance. Never, EVER do I want people to say, "The dude has two different colored socks on. What do you expect? He can't see them anyway!" Yikes! Never!

So, a few nights ago I was watching that lovely show, "Intervention." Pathetic case of a 40-something mother of three who became an alcoholic. She really drank like a college freshman; with complete abandon, no control, acted ridiculous when she was wasted, made terrible decisions when shhe was drunk.

In an interview while she was sober, she(the alcoholic) told the story of a visit to the next door neighbor when she was a child. That neighbor molested her. When she told her parents, they swept it under the rug. Her mother(also interviewed) said, "Something happened, but it didn't harm her. There were no repurcussions from it or anything bad at all."

Say it with me folks...WTF? A child is sexually abused by an adult and there are no repurcussions? What planet are you living on, lady?

So, we have said alcoholic pointing to the molestation as a reason for her addiction. We have said alcoholic's mother saying it didn't hurt the child at all. Wherein does the truth lie?

Frankly, I don't believe any child can be sexually molested and NOT be effected from it. Duh! They may learn to cope, they may learn to adapt, they may even take it as a later opprotunity to further improve their life, but saying there's no effect? Pshaw!

This made me pause to think about my own childhood. Quite lucky was I that molestation never occurred. But, bring it to something less damaging; my controlling nature. Is there an event from my childhood where I felt powerless, thus today I want to be the puppett master? Probably. And just as probably, there are instances where my parents put good, educational life lessons in my head that, without them today, I might be a serial killer. Who knows?

It just made for some interesting food for thought. How come one child can be disciplined and they grow up to see that as a benefit, yet another child saw their discipline as oppression.

It really makes me wonder about the influence I have on my stepkids, Maddison and Jordan. If I speak crossly to them once, will they be on a show, 20 years from now, talking about how their stepfather's behavior towards them caused them to go on a shooting spree? If you think too much on the effect adults can have on children, well, for me, it almost makes me impotent with fear. The last thing I'd ever, EVER want to do is hurt a child...but that's a risk every parent takes, isn't it?

What's my point? I dunno. I guess I don't really have one. In the end, this brain candy has just made me take a closer look at how I interact with my stepkids. There are enough issues in the world which can screw a person up without parents adding to them. Parents should be adults in every sense of the word: but especially emotionally. How does an adult take on that emotional maturity? By thinking through scenarios, leaving the adult him/herself out of the equation and, ultimately, determining what is the best for the child.

God, I'm like Dr. Phil or something, eh? Ha!

Am I Just Totally Prejudiced?

While flipping around on talk radio today, I came across an interview with a woman. Before I really heard anything about the content, I heard her accent; one so thick it'd make my mid-Missouri twang sound like high society. I immediately went to "redneck" or "hillbilly" or some such term I've probably once called myself! I mean, c'mon! Who can sound like that and still have something worthy to be heard on NPR?

Well, as she continued on, my pre-conceived notions started to slip away. When she started talking about the human genome project and genetic mapping of human conditions as theyy relate to federal funding, I realized this conversation was far, FAR above my head.

Turns out, this woman is a geneticist and holds a master's of public health from Harvard University. Everything else I heard was interesting, but 75% of it was lost on me due to the highly scientific content. And yet? This woman, not five minutes before, had been pre-judged as a total cracker. So, faithful reader, I ask you...who's the real idiot here?

I don't typically think of myself as a prejudiced person. True, we all have prejudices to some extent, but rarely do I immediately make a judgement on someone as fast as I did today. Why?

I think this accent reminded me of the wife of a friend. This wife is one of the most crass, foul-mouthed, inconsiderate people I've ever met. She is simply not likeable.

And the accents matched, the patterns of speech matched and, yes, even the voices sorta matched. I'll bet both the interviewee and my friend's wife are within 10 years of one another AND I bet they are from within a two hour drive of each other, birthplace wise.

So, was it the accent? Am I really that prejudice? Or was it just relating the radio gal with the unlikeable woman? Frankly, I'm not sure.

I do know, however, that I need to make a greater effort to withhold judgement before assigning a label to anyone. Ever done something like this? Please tell me YES so I don't feel like such a schmuck!

Is There Modesty In A Hospital?

Yesterday morning, my grandmother-in-law(is that a real relative?) fell and broke her hip. Nana is 91 and lives in an assisted living facility here in Orlando. Today was to be surgery day, but as it's now tonight and the surgery still hasn't started? Who knows? Alas, I digress...

We went to see Nana in the hospital today. In the 30 minutes or so we were there, I witnessed a really, really spectacular form of patient care. So much so that it'll be a chapter in my next medical book....(please pardon the literary liberties I'll have to take)...

Many years ago, Nana had a double mastectomy. The EKG tech entered the room today and approached Nana's hospital bed. She explained to Nana the EKG wouldn't hurt a bit andd reached at the collar of Nana's hospital gown.. As you'd expect from any woman(much less one who has endured a double mastectomy), Nana made a motion with her hands and the gown to cover her bare chest. The tech picked up right away on Nana's subtle gestures, raised the bed sheets to provide extra coverage and did her job-without ever having a bit of Nana's dignity suffer..

A big deal? Not for a veteran health care professional. A big deal to Nana? Bet your life it was.

Rosemary, the EKG gal at Florida Hospital in Altamonte Springs-doubtful you'll ever read this, but our family thanks you.

What Do You Do When Your Best Friend Dies?

Last night, I scored tix to see Bruce Springsteen at the Amway Arena here in Orlando. I worship the ground The Boss walks upon, so all is great, right? Not so much…

Last week, Springsteen’s keyboard player of 30 plus years, Danny Federici, died of cancer. He wasn’t even 60 years old.

Bruce opened the show with a short documentary of Danny’s life and time with the E Street Band, complete with the studio version of “Blood Brothers” playing behind the video. Tear jerker, as you can imagine.

Bruce started the concert immediately after the short film. And he sounded…tired. Very, very tired. Apparently, to look at him, you learned the same. Everyone wanted to rock…hell, it –WAS- a concert! Thing is, hearing Bruce sounding so worn, I wondered if we, the fans, should be there at all…

Can you even imagine the dynamic here? First, think if you lost your best friend. Other than Marvelyne and Carson, my best friend in this world is DJ Grimwood. If he died tonight, I’d be good for nothing for weeks. Wouldn’t you, if your best friend died?

Now, take that to another level-a bandmate. Not only a friend of 30 years, but a co-worker, too. And that co-worker’s talent and persona is what has helped you be you for over three decades. Poof! Gone! What do you do? Think how many aspects of life would be effected. I know if DJ died, I’d work at my own pace…like, maybe work for an hour, then go cry for the rest of the day. But Bruce doesn't have a job like that-the show must go on.

And yet? Here’s Springsteen, less than a week after he buried his best friend and bandmate, putting a show on for 20K people. How can he do that? I sure couldn’t. In fact, the whole time he was singing and his fatigue and emotions were showing through, I wanted to take his guitar from him, give him a hug and tel him he shouldn’t have to entertain his fans when he’s mourning.

Do we, as fans, deserve a show at The Boss’ expense? Springsteen has likely been in the lives of his fans for years-I know I first loved him when I heard “Glory Days” for the first time when I was in the fourth grade. He’s almost like a friend. Hell, he IS a friend-he just doesn’t know his friend Marcus exists.

As the show continued, Bruce seemed to gain strength. Next thing ya know, he’s rocking like we’re used to. I was pretty torn…do I sing along and smile and rock out? Or just observe out of respect for the recent loss?

Then, Bruce played “Badlands.” And the line from “Badlands” which always has(and always will) stand out to me?

“It ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive…”

I am. And even with the loss, it looks like Bruce is, too.

In the end, maybe the best thing we can do for those who’ve gone before us isn’t pay them homage, but rather honor their memory by doing what they loved in life. In this case, the answer is simple: we rock and roll…

A Child-Sized Burger

Burger King is reportedly creating a 85 lb., $170 hamburger.

The question is...why?

Well, don't get the idea you'll be able to get this flame broiled goodness at the BK down the block. This is a limited-time and limited location offer, specifically in affluent parts of London.

The burger will reportedly be sold to customers in order to raise money for chairity. Like what? The British Heart Association?

I like a Whopper as much as the next guy. No doubt about it. It's just hard to understand how this seems like such a great idea. If nothing else, it sounds wasteful and over-indulgent. We've come to expect that in America, but in London?

Maybe I'm the crazy one here...but would you buy an 85 lb burger for $170? I'dd give $170 to chairity no problem, but what will anyone do with an 85 lb. burger? Invite the entire neighborhood over for a one pound hunk of meat? Weird.

Happy Earth Day!

The first Earth Day was celebrated in 1970 and was created in order to raise awareness about protecting our environment. Who'd have thunk the brainchild of hippies would last another four decades? Sure didn't happen with the pet rock!

Nowadays, you can't even discuss the environment without getting people all up in arms. It's the baby of the Democrats/liberal side of America's political landscape. Due too that, even mentioning the environment and the protection/preservation thereof to a right winger bringgs about a diatribe of points about how studies show the environment isn't suffering-at least not as bad as the left would like the public to believe. Who's right? Who's wrong? What does the research really say? Who knows?

For me, I want the truth. Bring on the studies, the research, the decades-long fact findings of a non-biased scientific org who is truly looking for answers-not trying to push a political agenda.

Truly, it's shameful we humans aren't on the same page about this. We have but one planet to live on. Preserving that pplanet should be a top priority of we homo sapiens. It's one of those rare issues which should(but doesn't) encompass all parties and political views.

Several weeks ago, there was a worldwide awareness campaign for one hour. In that hour, the developed countries of the world were asked to dim or extinguish their lights in order to show support for conservation and environmental preservation. And, from the looks of it, it got a lot of press and publicity.

As I was surfing my favorite news sites this morning, not mention #1 of Earth Day. This leaves me wondering why the "blackout" from a few weeks ago wasn't coordinated on Earth Day? It may have brought more awareness to the day itself-after all, there's not been much in the press about Earth Day as of late. Wouldn't it have been more productive to commemorate Earth Day with the world wide blackout, thereby reinforcing Ap. 22 as Earth Day in the minds of we earthlings?

When Ap. 22 becomes as ingrained as Dec. 25 is with Christmas, July 4 is with Independence Day and Feb. 2 as Groundhog Day, maybe then there'll be enough awareness to get everyone on the same page about working to preserve the earth.