How Do You Remember It?

One of my favorite mystery writers is Jeffrey Deaver, best known for his Lincoln Rhyme series. Rhyme is a quadriplegic forensic investigator with NYPD. Since Rhyme is a quad and cannot physically do the work himself, he verbally coaches mere mortal investigators through the evidence collection processes. Then, as the reader, you get to listen in, get all the forensic education, but it never feels so third person.

One thing I enjoy about the Lincoln Rhyme character is his insatiable quench for forensic evidence. He cares not for the eyewitness reports because he knows eyewitnesses are invariably unreliable. Memories fade, are altered and don’t hold up in court like cold, hard evidence. Rhyme disregards the witness accounts like an Oscar winner would brush off a middle school musical. Completely irrelevant to the true professionalism on which he relies.

Rhyme isn’t an oddball, either. Ask any investigator, police officer, etc. and they’ll tell you the same thing-witnesses aren’t reliable. If 10 people witness an accident, cops are likely to get 10 different stories. Everyone’s perspective is altered by their history, personal experiences, their angle, mindset at the time of the occurrence-just everything. Again, witnesses aren’t reliable because memories aren’t reliable.

Yet, we all probably believe our memories serve us correctly, right? Duh! It’s not like we purposefully re-write history in our own minds! Well, maybe some of us do-but that’s certainly not the norm.

While on this Tour de la West Coast, I stopped into Boise, Idaho for a few days to hang out with my BFF from college, Hilary. If you’ve read “After This…”, you’ll likely remember Hilary as the person who helped babystep me back into real life my freshman year back in college. She helped with my classes, assisted me in getting around campus at the beginning of the semester and, most importantly, was my friend when I thought there was nothing likeable about me.

While we lounged around Hilary’s Boise living room, listening to Kasey Chambers and splitting some merlot, we took a stroll down memory lane. We’re going back over a dozen years to our first meeting in Ms. Robison’s English 120 class, then through the next three years we were in college together.

When we discussed the days that were, all the while, I kept feeling the need to apologize to Hilary. The Marcus I remember from that time was a self centered, inebriated jerk who, out of internal pain, took out his frustrations on the people around him. I was mean, I was cutting, I was insulting, I was just a class A A-hole. When Hilary and I talked about hanging out in my dorm room, she remembers watching 80s movies and eating pizza and chit chatting-just two regular college pals. I don’t remember this. The movies? The Pizza? Yes. Being friendly and sweet and compassionate? Not so much. I more remember sitting on the floor, out of my mmind on cheap Scorsby with some wretched internal monologue going on about how much life sucked. A dozen years ago-SOMETHING happened to solidify a friendship between Hilary and I. We just happen to remember the details differently.

When we were skipping down memory lane (and after my eighth apology in three minutes), Hilary posed a question I’d not really thought about: “Marc, do you really think I’d have hung out with you if you were as big of an asshole as you remember being?”

To which I have to answer…no. No, I don’t.

Hilary had enough self respect to not allow herself to be verbally abused by some inebriated waste. This lends loads of credit to the notion that, like Lincoln Rhyme says, memories are deceiving. And mine are, too.

Giving myself some grace is tough. It’s probably one of the toughest things I wrestle with on a day to day basis. Yet, there is truth in the world. One of the truest things I know is that what we remember may not actually be what went down. Eyewitness reports, autobiographies, courtroom testimonies-they’re all only as good as the memory is. And the human memory has the tendency to have loads of different things help paint the picture. I know this. I do. I know my memory, like everyone’s, isn’t the gospel truth. Hell, the gospel truth isn’t even the gospel truth…but I digress. And that’s why hanging out with Hil over the weekend was so good for me.

My memories of details are unreliable. One thing is certain, though: Hilary is still my friend. And she wouldn’t be if I were truly the guy I remember.

You can draw whatever conclusions you like from this little tale. For me, I’m just glad something I’ve intellectually known as truth was put into a context I can emotionally understand. And hopefully-I’m a better person for it. Thanks, Hil.

Loyola Marymount University

Ah, southern California! L.A. gets a bad rap... but if it's so terrible, why do so many people choose to live there?

Well, yesterday, Oct. 22, I found out one of the reasons: Loyola Marymount University.

I was brought to LMU by Dan Faill and the fraternity/sorority system for alcohol awareness week - and we had a blast! LMU is this gorgeous campus filled with highly motivated, friendly and quality students. Just a couple miles from the beach and Marina del Ray, LMU couldn't ask for a much nicer physical setting! And yet? The people are even more impressive!

Special thanks to Dan Faill for inviting me to campus, but even more for allowing me to hang with the Greek Council: Liz, Maddie, Kelsey and Tony. All four of these students are just plain fun!

Thanks to Kelsey and Tony for helping me get around L.A. and just for such great conversations! Looking forward to a return trip to LMU sometime in the future! Thanks again!

EWU

All right, so there ain't too much that beats getting to be in the Pacific Northwest during the fall! Living in Florida, it was so, so cool (literally) to step out in the morning, feel the chill come on, then ward it off with some strong coffee! Well, nothing beats that... except for getting to hang with my peeps at Eastern Washington University!

I first spoke at EWU back in 2006 for freshman orientation, so I'd already fallen in love with the greater Spokane region. But throw in some great times with Michelle Pingree, Jane Davis, Laurie, Laurel, Kaley, Marie, Tawney, James Wagner and Mike Miller and, well, it just was such a blast! Thank all of you for giving me such a great time! Whether it was having big gnarly biscuits at the Rusty Moose with Michelle, endlessly quoting "Super Bad" and "Stepbrothers" with Tawney and Marie and Kelly, talking fraternity/sorority philosophy with James Wagner or sharing time with the EWU athletes – this can all be summed up in two words: Good Times!

BTW... special thanks to Michelle P. for the gift for Marvelyne that she hasn't yet received (it's still buried in my suitcase, but she'll have it soon!)

West Hills College...Again!

As promised, now that I'm back home, I can download the pics from all my recent travels. And, as promised, here's Sylvia Dorsey Robinson and moi at West Hills College from the Oct. 16 program.

Thanks again, Sylvia, for such an amazing experience, for introducing me to so many quality people and for giving me a fabulous first experience in Lamoore!

Additional thanks to Dean Jose Lopez, Leo Orange, Keith Brock and all the awesome students and staff at West Hills College! Oh, and thanks for introducing me to that Mexican soda... Juaretta? (I forget the name now, but it was yummy!)

West Hills College

On Thursday, Oct. 16, I was a guest on campus at West Hills College in Lemoore, California. Officially, I was invited to West Hills College to help recognize Disability Awareness Week, but I think we went above and beyond!

Special thanks to Dean Sylvia Dorsey Robinson, Dean Jose Lopez, Leo Orange, Keith Brock and everyone else who made this day so unforgettable! I was truly honored (not to mention happy!) to spend the day with you guys and get to know the West Hills community!

Pictures will be coming when I get back home and can download them from the camera!

Go West, Young Man!

Well, here we go! Don’t expect a whole lot of posting over the next week. Then again, maybe I’ll have ample time…who knows?

Early tomorrow morning, I embark on a seven day speaking tour out to the west coast. Pics and stories from the road will be up as soon as possible-I promise!

One Bride, Four Bridesmaids, One Marcus

Ya know what I don’t get about weddings? The whole wedding party thing.

I think everyone understands the notion of having your closest friends/relatives standing by your side when you get hitched. No brainer there.

But why is it divided by sexes? Like, traditionally, I (as the groom) am expected to pick a handful of my best friends to be by my side. Thing is, the typical idea of groomsmen limits those to, well, men.

What if my best man was (gasp!) a woman? If I hadn’t married Marvelyne, she’d have been one of the people who’d have been standing up with me-as a groomswoman. Groomsperson? Groomsgirl?

This weekend, I was honored to be in the wedding of my friends, Leah and Jamie, which took place in Kansas City, MO. And dig this…I was a bridesman. Or a bridesguy. Or a bridesdude. Whatever. I stood up with Leah.

Back in the summer of ’96, Leah and I were both freshmen to the Camp Mo-Val staff. That summer changed my life. And I know it was important to Leah, too. We became great friends and kept up that friendship for the last dozen years.

Back in college and wondering what might happen when I got hitched, I always had this dilemma. Some of my best friends were girls. Leah, Hilary, Kista…how could I get married and NOT have them standing with me?

Well, nevermind all that because when my own wedding day finally came, Leah stood up with me…but not as a groomsgal, as one of the officiants. Since our days of playing Giants, Elves and Wizards with kiddo campers, Leah had graduated from seminary and was officially “Pastor Leah.” And when she performed our ceremony, it was personal, meaningful and, above all other things…funny! I swear, our wedding is probably the only one in history where the minister used the phrase “crazy, granola-eating, tree hugging liberal” in the middle of the ceremony! Gotta love the non-traditionalist in Leah!

So, when Pastor Leah asked me to stand up in her wedding, I knew it wouldn’t be traditional…and I love that about Leah! So, me, a bride and four matrons and maidens of honor…gotta love the break in the traditional roles!

Oh, and lest you think this was TOO non-traditional…no, I did NOT wear a dress and hose!

Congrats, Leah and Jamie, and here’s to many, MANY happy years together!

Drive On

I love songs about war. Is that warped? Maybe.

The thing is, I love songs that are filled with emotion. War creates emotions we don’t often see in every day life. Hence, most songs about war draw emotional and verbal pictures with a vivid color scheme that doesn’t come out in sappy love ballads about broken hearts.

One of my fav war songs is “Drive On” by Johnny Cash. Cash tells the story of how he came to write the song. He and June Carter used to share books; when one would read something great, they’d hang onto the book and give it to the other. For a while, they were both reading first person autobiographies of Vietnam soldiers.

In the Vietnam War, according to Cash and the book he was reading, “Drive on” was a phrase often heard in the bush. A platoon of soldiers would get ambushed, fall into booby traps, whatever…and another American soldier’s fate was sealed. In the middle of a war zone, time to grieve wasn’t real plentiful. When a soldier would die, his brothers in arms would say to one another, “Drive on…”

Translation? You’ve gotta keep moving. You can’t take time now to grieve the dead. You’re still alive and you’ve gotta keep yourself alive. So, get it together, get your head straight and drive on…

I wish I’d known this song back in the fall of ’93. I didn’t. Not sure when Cash wrote it, but it didn’t get released until his 1994 “American Recordings” album.

Why would a year have made any difference? It may not have, but had I known the song and the story behind it, I may have had an extra bit of motivation.

It was 15 years ago today. October 9th, 1993, when the world changed forever. Well, my world, that is.

It was 15 years ago I slid into the passenger seat of a freezing Toyota Corolla, round about 11:50 p.m. I’d just left a St. Louis Blues game with a group of three friends, headed for White Castle, just like Harold and Kumar (minus the cheeba). That late night snack was not to be.

A few minutes later, I looked out my window and saw headlights. The rest of the story? You already know it. After all, the next few seconds is why you and I probably met in the first place.

Four or five years ago, I was talking with a friend who remembered the date. “What do you think of when it’s October 9?”, she asked.

Well, since that day 15 years ago, I’ve had different phases. The first several years, it was all encompassing. Like, I couldn’t NOT think about it. Then, like all wounds, it started to fade, little by little.

Now? What do I think about on October 9th? I think about whatever I’m doing on October 9th. Today, that was doing a few hours of early morning work. Then I thought about the haircut I was getting. Then, I thought about what I wanted for lunch (getting bored yet?) This afternoon, my wife, Marvelyne, pulled some sort of muscle in her back. So, I thought about that, too.

Now, well, I got a google alert that my bud, Ron Graham, used my name in his blog, Access Ability. If you want to check that post out, it’s at:

www.AccessAbility.blogspot.com

If you’ve read my book, you’ve read about Ron. Blinded in a car wreck the exact same night as I, we met (purely out of coincidence) when we were in Jersey getting our first Seeing Eye dogs.

When I read Ron’s post, I thought about the circumstances that introduced us. But do I dwell? Nah. Do I get all reflective and pensive and thoughtful? Not really. I had several years of that self indulgence. Now? It’s just a day. A day I recognize, but one which has no power to control my emotions. Hence, I think about just what I’m doing that day.

Like the soldiers in Cash’s song, I don’t take time to mourn it. There’s no need. It’s been done. So, I just drive on.

And, just because I’m always ready to promote good music, here are those lyrics:

“Drive On” by Johnny Cash
I got a friend named Whiskey Sam,
He was my boonierat buddy for a year in Nam,
He said, “I think my country got a little off track, it took ‘em 25 years to welcome me back.”

“But it’s better than not comin’ back at all,
Many a good man I saw fall,
Even now every time I dream,
I hear the men and the monkeys and the jungle scream…”

Drive on, it don’t mean nothing
My children love me but they don’t understand,
And I got a woman who knows her man,
Drive on, it don’t mean nothing, it don’t mean nothing, drive on

I remember one night, Tex and me,
Rifled in on a hot L.Z.
We had our 16s on rock and roll,
But with all that fire I was scared and cold.
I was crazy and I was wild,
And I have seen a tiger’s smile,
I spit in a bamboo viper’s face
And I’d be dead but by God’s grace…

It was a slow walk in a sad rain,
And nobody tried to be John Wayne,
I came home, but Tex did not
And I can’t talk about the hit he got…

But I got a little limp now when I walk
And I got a little tremble when I got to talk,
But my letter read from Whiskey Sam,
You’re a walking, talking miracle from Vietnam-drive on…

Warrior Soul

“There is no way to quantify motivation.”

So comes a quote from the book, “Warrior Soul” by Chuck Pfarrer. Chuck Pfarrer is a former Navy Seal who shares his life’s story, his adventures and his training with the reader. No Vince Flynn or Tom Clancy here-Pfarrer is the real thing.

I’m just ankle-deep into “Warrior Soul” now, but I can tell I’ll breeze through this one! Why? The story is just fascinating! Never mind the true missions, just the training to weed out those who want to be Seals is some of the most intense endurance I’ve ever heard of. 700 push ups before 8 a.m.? 15 miles per day spent running, sometimes in wet and sandy gear? Carrying telephone poles around? Seriously, telephone poles!

And that, faithful reader, is why I’m just so thankful there are people protecting our country that are just such incredible human machines.

When Pfarrer went to his first day of training to become a Seal, his class consisted of 145 students. The “weeding out” process began from minute #1. When the ranking officer said, “We’re not going to train you, we’re going to try to kill you”-he wasn’t joking. Only a handful of the original 145 original students graduated.

Yet, even though the class of 145 was comprised of some Olympiads, college football players and those of equal physical shape, it wasn’t necessarily the athletes who made it through. Sometimes, the Nebraska farm boy at 140 lbs. could hang, while the distance swimmer would drop. Pfarrer said it best: “There is no way to quantify motivation.”

So often, we're ready to count out the little guy, or the person with a lower I.Q., or the person who had a rough start to life. And all so often, we're shown how, when we count someone out, they're most likely to accomplish the goal.

If you're able to do anything in this world, it's probably because you're motivated to do so. That motivation of self is what has created world leaders, bazillionaires, title holders and, thankfully, the Navy Seals that protect our country.

Dr. Warren Saving Kids

Recently, I posted about my friend, Dr. Hilary Warren. Hilary and I have been BFF since our undergrad days back in Springfield, MO. She's now a pediatrician in Boise, Idaho... but right now (like really right now) she's on a six week medical mission to Haiti with Project Hope. Today, I received this photo and a quick update about the work of Project Hope in Haiti. I hope you'll consider learning more about this worthwhile org! And, just so ya know, I'm proud of you, Hil!





http://www.southcom.mil/AppsSC/photoGallery.php?gallery=Relief%20in%20Haiti%202008

100% Effort, 100% Of The Time

Ya know, sometimes you have to sift through crap to find a diamond.

I think of this every time I’m reading a personal development book. Sometimes, I have to read through hundreds of pages to find one thing which I didn’t already know OR something that was told in a new way. Still, once I find that bit of good info, it makes the read worth it.

That doesn’t just go for books, but for movies, conversations, whatever I’m trying to get something from. Over the last several days, I’ve been kinda obsessed on two things:

Learning all I can about this economic meltdown

And

Trying to be Zen about this economic meltdown

It seems like every show has a different take on the cause and outcome of this mess. Who’s really to blame? I’m starting to get an idea, but still, this is so complicated, it could take years to figure out.

Tonight, in hopes of finding more explaination, I flipped on Fox News. No luck in the economic education market, but I did get something good. Arkansas governor, Mike Huckabee, has this new show on Fox…and it’s just terrible.

Huckabee seems like a real good guy. The kind of person I’d like to have dinner with, or play a round of golf with. But this show? Yeesh. Just embarrassing.

Yet, after his lame attempts at humor and talking points about whatever he’s thinking, I did get one good piece of info. And on marriage, of all things!

Huckabee explained his view on marriage. That is, so many people think marriage is a 50/50 deal. Huckabee says this isn’t right. To be perfectly balanced all the time is a set up for failure. If you look at it as 50/50, someone will always think he/she is giving 55% and only receiving 45%.

Instead, Huckabee says, marriage needs to be 100% from each person, 100% of the time.

And ya know? This makes a HUGE amount of sense. If I’m constantly striving to be the best husband I can be, I can’t concern myself with how my wife is slacking (which she doesn’t do, I’m just makin’ a point!).

This marriage philosophy is like the definition of excellence according to Townes Van Zant. Townes is a singer songwriter who said, well, just look at the top of this blog. Excellence is in the striving…and whether its in marriage, business, economic clean up or some completely unrelated faction, it’s something I, for one, intend to keep working toward.

Is Your Workplace Your Home?

Last night, we invited my old fraternity brother, Jay, and his wife, Tommi, over for dinner. Jay and Tommi both work for Disney here in Orlando and it was so cool to hear all their talex of the behind-the-scenes actions that make the magic in the Magic Kingdom.

But the thing that impressed me most was their passion for their work. That passion is generated by the Disney culture that both of them love so much.

As a perfect example, Tommi told the story of the first time her parents came to visit she and Jay. Neither of her parents had ever been to Florida before, much less to anything Disney related. Tommi wanted to show them what she does, why she moved clear across the country and she really wanted them to see why her job is so great.

So, as she was playing tour guide for her parents through the park, she stopped them next to an attraction, asked them to wait and walked across a crowded waiting area. After winding through the people, Tommi picked up a discarded soda cup, walked to a nearby trash can, threw it away and returned to her parents. Keep in mind Tommi was on her off day and doesn’t even work in the park, but rather, an office job in a nearby complex.

Her dad asked, “Why did you just do that?” Tommi didn’t hesitate with an answer: “This is my home and I want to take care of it.”

She explained further how the culture of Disney encourages putting one’s best foot forward, creating an environment where people love to be, having as few distractions as possible ffrom the “magic” of Disney, etc. And when a company can create that culture in an employee’s off time? That’s a very cool thing!

Most people have jobs that, when they’re on their off day, they’d never want to go to for fun. Jay and Tommi are fortunate to have jobs they love AND that they even seem to enjoy so much that they work when they’re not working. I’m pretty fortunate in this realm, too…and I know how rare jobs like these are.

Whether your role as an employee has this culture built into you or not, adopting just a little bit of the Disney philosophy may help to make your time on the job more enjoyable.

Bad Press and Bad Politics

“There’s no such thing as bad publicity”…or so the saying goes. Publicity of any kind tends to make an impression. Then, whether the press was good or bad, the person in question is, at least, remembered.

There’s some truth to this. But I don’t buy it across the board. Here’s why…

I’ve been receiving voice mails on my house phone. I have a house phone only because it’s free with the cable and internet. So, it rings, I don’t answer. And then I get voice mail from every yahoo trying to get me to consolidate credit card debt, refinance my house, etc.

Here in the midst of the political season, I have politicians (a.k.a. yahoos) leaving voice mails. Today’s was from a certain yahoo I hear from at least a couple times per week. Tonight, his “advertisement” went a little something like this…

“I’m (insert yahoo’s name) and I’m looking out for the best interest of all Americans. The Democratically controlled House is trying to use your tax dollars to bail out corporations and give golden parachutes to the speculators…again, this is with your money.”

Now, that’s really intellectually dishonest. I’m not an economist. Chances are, neither are you. I’ve done my best to study this mess and it seems like there are just too many greedy bastards out there who’ve gotten us in this mess. I don’t know if it’s all speculators, if it’s all CEOs, if it’s Joe Average mortgage broker, if it’s bankers…I think there’s PLENTY of blame to go around.

I do, however, know enough about the market and the American economy to say, without a doubt, this particular yahoo has an agenda. He is not looking out for the best interest of me, nor any other American. If he’s looking out for anyone, it’s himself (duh, he’s a politician). With comments that are so biased and contrived to cause average folks to be panic-stricken, yeah, he’s got an agenda.

Even if this guy spoke the truth about everything, I don’t like hearing him on my voice mail. And I definitely don’t like it when he’s re-constructing the truth to fit his agenda.

So, in this case, there IS such a thing as bad press…and when I walk into the voting booth on Nov. 4 (and if you’re any kind of American, you’ll be in one, too), I will remember his name. And then I’ll pull the lever for the other candidate.

Engel's Ensights

I often get feedback from readers after sending out my monthly Engel’s Ensights newsletter. This one, though, stood out so much for the lesson it teaches!

Debe Hoffman is the sister of my favorite nurse, Barb, who stars in both “After This…” And “The Other End Of The Stethoscope.” As you’ll read, Debe has three kids nearly identical in age to my three stepkids. She, however, has had these kids from the point of conception where I got the privilege of step fathering just a year ago.

Anyway, Debe has given me little insights along the way about raising kids – especially as they transition out of teenagehood (is that a word? Is now!) into adulthood. Here’s a story she shared with me yesterday…. my comments follow.

***
Just as I had completed reading your Engel’s Ensights newsletter for September, the phone rang. it was the oldest (22 years old) now calling from school. He was so excited about a seminar that he had just left and wanted to share. He was one of only 10 seniors to be selected to spend 8 hours with some "guru" consultant on how to write a resume for both work and graduate school purposes.

He was able to capture some one on one time with the gentlemen after the session. Although this guy is paid by the hour and had fulfilled his obligations for the day, he stopped and talked to Nate for a few minutes about some individual input. Nate knew there was another appointment the guy (sorry forgot his name - Nate did tell me) needed to get to and he was running late, so Nate indicated that he didn't mind talking with him as he walked to his next appointment to allow the man to be on time. The guy stopped packing up his stuff and looked at Nathan and said, my investment in your future is what I am here to assist with – that is my mission and you deserve more than a winded conversation. He talked to Nate for about 5 minutes and made arrangements for them to get together before the final seminar and never lost eye contact. After that was taken care of the guy asked for the quickest way to get across the campus and Nate showed him out and on his way, saving the guy the 5 minutes he spent with Nate in the walk to the next appointment.

Nate ran into another student on his way to his next destination, and he was now running late himself. She stopped and asked about the seminar, she was not one of the lucky ones to get selected to attend. She wants to go to Law school and is really concerned about doing all the right things etc. Nate started to ask her to walk with him to class and he would give her some feedback on the seminar. But he remembered what the consultant had just done for him. So he stopped and made arrangements to meet her later. She was parked nearby and offered him a ride to his next destination and he arrived early.

It isn't always the book learning that sticks, it's the application of knowing how to live and live with a full heart and a comforted soul.

***
Debe, you couldn’t be more right! And the way to live with a full heart and comforted soul comes from the relationships we cultivate throughout life. Nate also got such an important lesson from this guru – when you’re speaking with someone, be fully engaged with him/her. It’s respectful and shows that person they are truly important and worth the investment. Truer words could not be spoken than what the guru said to Nate. Every adult who invests in the lives of tomorrow’s generation should take note!

Project HOPE

If you’ve read “After This…”, you may remember one of my BFFs from college, Hilary. She and Dasher were the best of friends during my first few years of college and now, even a decade later, she’s still one of my best friends.

Hilary is now a pediatrician in Boise, Idaho and doing some exciting work. Earlier this week, she left for a month long tour to Haiti through Project HOPE.

Project HOPE is a non-for-profit organization which promotes health and wellness in economically deprived areas around the world. Hilary has done several of these types of medical missions and the fact she does “extra” work like this (on top of her clinical career in Boise) makes me all the more proud to call her my friend!

You can learn more about Project HOPE and the fine work they do at:

www.ProjectHope.org

Some Well Deserved Gratitude

Over the weekend, I was randomly flipping channels looking for some news that was NOT about the political race. No dice. Gov. Palin was giving a speech in Florida and it seemed like most of the news channels were carrying it. So, thought I’d give her a listen for a couple minutes.

Not long after landing on this channel, Gov. Palin asked all the veterans to stand. The audience then erupted into applause, everyone excitedly showing support and gratitude to those who’ve served our country.

When Marvelyne and I were on a cruise a few weeks ago, a similar thing happened. The after dinner entertainment one evening was a version of the Newlywed Game. Three couples took the stage; one married for only a few days, one for 40 years, one for 63 years. The eldest of the couples were just the best…

The host went to each couple and asked how they’d met. The husband of the 63 year marriage said, “Well, we went on a date, I went to the war and when I came back, she was still single…so, I married her!”

No prompting, no invitation of applause, no leading the audience…as soon as he said he went to the war, the entire audience stood and applauded. Made me kinda misty to see so much support for this old fella and his military friends.

I always say my three biggest heros include teachers, nurses and soldiers. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. After that despicable behavior of our country towards Vietnam vets in the 60s and 70s, it’s great to see we’re all now on board for giving our vets some well-deserved gratitude-no matter our political leanings.

HOSPITAL Workers Axed for Snapping Photos of Patients, Uploading to MySpace

Props to the UNM hospital for such swift and decisive action. Even if the patients in the photos cannot be identified, just to know one's arm, leg, torso, etc. is in a pic unknowingly posted to someone's MySpace profile is just disturbing.

Sadly enough, this incident, even if isolated, gives a bad impression of the hospital. Given a choice, will patients want to be treated at a hospital with this history? Maybe, maybe not-but by the hospital taking immediate action, it lessens the chances of this type of occurrence happening again.

*****
HOSPITAL Workers Axed for Snapping Photos of Patients, Uploading to MySpace
Monday, September 22, 2008

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Two University of New Mexico Hospital employees have been fired for using their cell phone cameras to take photos of patients receiving treatment and then posting the images to a social networking Web site.

Director of Public Affairs Sam Giammo said Sunday the photos — mainly close-ups of injuries being treated in the Albuquerque hospital's emergency room over the past few months — were posted on an employee's private MySpace page.

Giammo said he's never heard of a similar incident at the University of New Mexico Hospital or any other hospital.

A few other hospital employees were disciplined and the investigation is ongoing, he said.
UNMH values patient privacy "very, very highly and we will do everything we can to protect them," Giammo said. "We just won't tolerate unprofessional actions by any of our staff. We just won't stand for that."

The photos were discovered after a hospital supervisor received an anonymous tip about them Tuesday and launched an investigation.

Hospital managers personally oversaw the removal of the photos from the Web site and from the employees' cell phones, Giammo said.

"We have to rely on the people telling us that they don't have any others," he said.
The patients in the photos could not be notified that their pictures had been taken because their faces and personal identifying features had been removed from the photos, Giammo said.
Giammo said the MySpace page could only be accessed by the employee's online friends, not the general public.

Giammo said the employees who were fired violated a hospital policy that bans the use of cell phone cameras in patient areas. The other employees were disciplined for not bringing the photos to the attention of managers, he said.

The hospital is treating the matter as an employment issue and law enforcement has not been involved, Giammo said.

The use of cell phone cameras in hospitals have caused breaches of patient privacy or concern about such violations in California, Arizona and South Dakota in recent years.

"Florida Society of Medical Assistants"

Thanks to the FSMA for the opportunity to present at the state conference on Sat., Sept. 20!

Thank all of you for being such a warm and receptive audience AND for your commitment to excellence in customer service AND patient care.

Special thanks to Mary Morris for being such a great client and helping arrange the event!

The Way Things Ought To Be

When I was in high school, Rush Limbaugh released his first book, “The Way Things Ought To Be.” He was a controversial figure of the time, but being 16 and uninterested in political stuff, I wasn’t about to read that when there was plenty of good info in Rolling Stone!

Well, a few weeks ago, I had an experience. And that experience mirrors the title of Limbaugh’s book.

We were staying the night at a Microtel near the Philly Airport. Ever stayed in a Microtel? They’re about half the size of a normal hotel room and are pretty stripped down. Like, don’t expect a closet with a complimentary iron and a hair dryer. But if you just need a place to rest for a few hours, no problem.

We pulled into the Microtel around 10 p.m. and had to be out on an 8 a.m. flight. All I wanted was sleep and more sleep. The guest services attendant at the front desk was, based on his thick accent, probably an immigrant.

Every so often, I have an issue with an establishment wanting to bar me from entering based on Carson. Almost always, the person raising a fuss is not an American born citizen. I have empathy here, not anger. I am always, ALWAYS in favor of people bettering themselves and their lot in life. To immigrate to a new country, learn a new language and deal with all the unknowns of such a life change (all for the purpose of self improvement) is impressive. If someone has made this transition, I cannot possibly expect them to know our American A.D.A. laws. Yet, this guy did!

He saw Carson and I walk into the lobby and started towards us, already raising a fuss. “Great,” I thought, “I get to educate someone when I’m already exhausted.” However, when he saw Carson’s harness, he stopped, looked surprised and went back to his post behind the desk. After we’d done all the transactions, he asked, “May I see your dog’s identification card?” Absolutely!

Every service dog owner should carry an identification card for his/her dog. The I.D. should state the dog’s name, the dog’s service and school and (hopefully) a quick summation of the A.D.A. as it relates to working animals.

I pulled Carson’s I.D. out of my wallet, handed it across the counter and smiled inwardly. “This is the way things ought to be!” I thought.

I do not expect everyone in the world to know the Americans with Disabilities Act. I don’t really even expect all Americans to know the laws! But this hotel clerk certainly did-and that’s how things ought to be.

Teleconference Network Of Texas

University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio

Yesterday was a first for yours truly. I was the guest presenter for a teleconference arranged by the Teleconference Network of Texas out of UT Health Science Center in San Antonio. We had a group of nutritionists from across the country hooked into the bridge and, based on some of the feedback via E mail, it went well! For the guy who’s real interactive with the audience, giving a program without human feedback was a challenge, but it went really well!

Special thanks to B.J. Brown in San Antonio for being such a great host and moderator! I’d include some pictures, but since this was over the phone, you don’t really want to see me sitting on my couch in a grubby old tee shirt and khaki shorts, do ya?!

Do The Knight Thing!

A few years ago, I was a keynote speaker at the University of Central Florida. Whenever I speak at a university, I immediately become a fan of that school! So, if it’s a Saturday afternoon in October and I’m flipping around the TV, if I come across a game played at a college/university where I’ve spoken, BAM! I’m rooting for that team!

Who knew that when I spoke at UCF, I’d someday end up living about three miles from campus! Being in such close proximity, I throw my support behind the Knights whenever I can! And now that I’m in talks with the UCF athletic dept. about doing another program there later this fall, it’s even more incentive to cheer for the home team!

I was just looking around UCF’s home page and stumbled upon something exciting: “Do The Knight Thing!”

This campaign is designed to show sportsmanship, respect for the opponent and loyalty to UCF. And man, how many other schools could use something like this!

It’s sorta sad how often times school spirit turns into opposing school disrespect. The evolution from cheering for the home team has sometimes turned into jeering the opposing team. That’s not sportsmanship and really makes the hecklers look stupid. Nothing makes a worse showing than a rude fan ruining the game for everyone.

Props to the hometown UCF teams for making strides in athletics and competition!

If you’d like to learn more, check out:

www.DoTheKnightThing.com

Choices like "Clockwork"

If you’ve never read or seen, “A Clockwork Orange”, you may want to be cautious. I first read the 1962 Anthony Burgess novel about 10 years ago, but thought after a decade, it was time to re-acquaint with some old droogs(Clockwork slang for “friends.”)

In this novel, Alex (the anti-hero) is an ultra violent hoodlum who wanders the streets of a futuristic city where, the reader is led to believe, the world has “advanced” into a state of anarchy. Severe beatings, thieving, rape, and murder are commonplace for Alex and his gang, all of which are set to the tune of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony in the 1971 movie based on the novel.

Alex is finally caught by the police and sentenced to prison. While there, he’s the center of an aversion therapy experiment to cure him of his violent nature. Alex is strapped down, eyes splayed open while horrific and violent images are flashed on a screen before him. Right before the movie begins, he’s pumped full of drugs to induce nausea. Hence, anything he thinks of as violent following the therapy will bring on the sicky feeling.

That’s about where I am in the book, but more than anything, I wanted to share this quote from one of Alex’s doctors. Alex is cringing and suffering during the therapy and his tormentor says:

“You have no cause to grumble, boy. You made your choice and all this is a consequence of your choice. Whatever now ensues is what you, yourself, have chosen.”

Upon first read, this is a pretty accurate summation of life in general. We are all the products of our decisions, but some of us are the products of the decisions of others. Had not someone made an irresponsible choice a decade and a half ago, you wouldn’t be reading the words on your screen right now. Still, our choices lead to our ultimate fulfillment and happiness. Or, in the case of Alex, the punishment our choices bring upon us.

Disabled Musicians Take Note

One of my favorite time killers is surfing through craigslist.org. Lately, I’ve been slacking off on playing guitar, so I broke out the six string this evening and ran through a few tunes. One thing I’ve been severely disappointed in is how, since relocating to FL, I’ve let my music be replaced by other stuff. Music has always been a big part of my life, and playing gigs the last few years in The Lou was a real joy.

So, I’d like to get that aspect of life back in order. Jumped on CL, looked through the musicians section and saw a post about a disabled musician. In a nutshell, this guy is a lead guitarist who was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident two years ago. Dude claims he can make a guitar scream and I don’t doubt him. He wrote a lot about how he’s tried to get into a band, but to no avail and how he wonders if any band would ever want a paralyzed musician playing alongside them.

Most every response to this guy was positive and encouraging. One even suggested he stop by a music store in town which employs a bass player who has a similar disability. CL musicians are usually pretty ruthless to one another, mainly because it seems like they feel there are only a few openings for rockers and they’ve gotta talk smack on the other peeps or they’ll get the positions. So, to read encouraging responses like these was pretty cool!

Of course, there was the obligatory jerk. One jackleg had to throw out the typical idiot response. Something like, “Sorry dude, but you’re right. Audiences are looking for action on stage. If you can’t move around, no band is going to want you.”

Right. Like rock bands are known for their choreography. R & B? Yes. Pop? Yes. Boy bands? Yes. Motown? Yes. Rock? Nah.

Speaking as a guy who picked up an instrument four years after becoming disabled, I know the stigma around disability is sometimes overwhelming. I also know that if this guy is still at a pretty fragile stage emotionally, some dumb comment from a buffoon telling him audiences want action is a tough thing to swallow. When you’re in that sensitive of a state, one negative, discouraging comment can easily tip the scales from 1000 positive comments. For this player, I hate that.

What do we learn from all this? That sometimes people need encouragement, not poo pooing. Actually, people ALWAYS need encouragement, not poo pooing, but especially when it took such guts to put himself out there.

I hope this guy, and any other musicians with disabilities, will tune out the naysayers and continue to play. Rock on!

DeSales University, September 3

Third year in a row and they just keep getting better! Thank you to the freshmen (and more!) class of DeSales University in Center Valley, PA for a fantastic Character U experience! We had a blast! The standing room only crowd was an absolute delight and, despite Carson having a little pukey spell halfway through my program, the POD’s were rockin the house!

Character U is one of the most exciting and outstanding freshman programs in the Nation. DeSales does and amazing job of offering students the tools and motivation needed to get the most from the college experience – start to finish!

Extra, EXTRA special thanks go to Dr. Greg Amore, Wendy Krisak and Chad Surface for hiring and re-hiring me and giving me the opportunity to work with new groups of wonderful DeSales students!

You guys are awesome to work with (and to hang out with too!!) Thanks Greg for giving us the tour of the Amore Vineyards – we enjoyed our time with you so much – and we cherish the souvenirs! Friends, if you're ever in the Lehigh Valley in PA, be sure to stop by The Amore Vineyards and Farm and meet the crew – it's an experience you won't forget!

Florida Civitan Convention

Thanks to the Florida Civitan Convention for inviting me to keynote on Saturday, Sept. 13!

Civitan (if you're not familiar), is a civic organization with a strong emphasis in providing assistance to individuals with developmental disabilities. And a more quality group you cannot find! Business, civic and faith-based leaders all compose this organization with a really special mission!

Thanks to Jean Smith, the Florida Civitan Governor, and also to Dr. David Persky for promoting my services to yet another group!

Pics include me with Abigail Persky (Dr. Persky's daughter and one of my coolest friends from Academy at the Lakes). Thanks girl!

Dude! It's Been 2 Weeks Since I Last Blogged!

Really? Two weeks since I last blogged?

For a guy who promises himself to try to blog every day, this is totally, TOTALLY unacceptable. But, allow me to ‘splain…

Sept. 3 found me on a 6 a.m. flight to Philly (see DeSales University blog post that’ll be up on Sunday)

Then? To the motherland, St. Louis, for a few doc appointments, my best friend (and best man’s) 30th birthday bash and finally some time with my family. Carson got to hang with my parents because, the next morning, Marvelyne and I were on a flight back to Orlando and headed out on a four day cruise. I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve had a vacation (other than our honeymoon last summer)…is that pathetic or what? Hurricaine Ike played with us a little, but we still got the cruise in and, of course, four days equals 20 pounds when it comes to cruising! Landed back in port yesterday morning, then I hopped on a plane to The Lou to retrieve the retriever. Back to Orlando late last night and then to Tampa for the Florida Civitan Convention today. Whew! So, needless to say, I’ve been a-runnin’!

Stories and blog posts to come from all these adventures, but I didn’t want another minute to pass without getting something up. And, hey, if this is all just too boring…at least you know I’m not dead!

A Grand's Worth of Service

Every so often, the media finds a story that does not involve blood and carnage and controversy. That’s the case with a recent story out of Illinois…

A waitress at an Illinois restaurant received a $1000 tip from an anonymous patron. The waitress, a single mom of a 12 year old, says she’ll use the money to send her child on a trip to Washington D.C. with school.

How cool is that? The absolute bbest kind of chairity is anonymous. Hands down, it’s giving for the point of giving. Not for accolades, not for tax write-offs, not for making good impressions on people around them. It’s giving for the sole purpose of helping.

I love how the Salvation Army gets Rolex watches, diamond earrings and antique gold coins placed in the buckets. Every donation is important and appreciated, but when it’s a sizeable donation just out of the goodness of the giver’s heart, it makes it even more special.

The waitress in question was asked by a reporter, “Did you give them $1000 service? Or is this the way you treat all your customers?” She said, “This was the way I treat everyone I serve.”

Lesson learned-do the right thing, treat everyone the same (that is, impeccably) and maybe, just maybe there’ll be a $1K tip waiting for you, too! And thanks to the media for putting the whole “if it bleeds, it leads” thing on the back burner for a day or two.

Congrats Michael, Bobby and Ray! A job well done!

As in the head of Homeland Security, the governor of Louisiana and the mayor of N’Orleans-good job, gentlemen.

After all the flub ups we saw with Katrina, it seems Gustav isn’t going to have more harm than necessary. The orchestration and evacuation of hundreds of thousands of citizens is nothing short of amazing. For all the bad deals Katrina brought along, this looks like it’ll turn out much, much better.

And the evacuation isn’t without some personal responsibility. Mayor Nagen and several N’Orleans officials held press conferences today talking about harsh, harsh penalties for looters, curfew breakers, etc. But, even more, all said that opportunity after opportunity has been handed to citizens. If you choose to snub your nose at the emergency evacuation measures, “You’re on your own.”

For all the complaining we all did about how poorly Katrina was handled, let’s get just as much buzz going for the incredible, seamless evacuation and preparation job that’s being done with Gustav.

Labor Day Weekend

Labor Day weekend, but somehow, it doesn’t feel like time to rest and recupe. With Hurricaine Gustav headed for the Gulf Coast, it feels like we should all be helping prep residents prepare-no one wants a Katrina Part II.

One thing I wasn’t aware of is FEMA’s E mail alert system. For those of us who live in hurricaine prone areas, this is extremely important. Citizens can go to the FEMA web site and sign up for E mail alerts keeping them updated on what’s going on with horrible weather. When the news is basically sensational editorializing, official word from FEMA may offer some comforting truth (who’d have thunk it?)

Throw in the fact it’s Labor Day weekend. This is notoriously one of the heaviest traffic weekends of the year AND known for excessive consumption of alcohol. Scary stuff.

Whether you’re in the path of Gustav or just a typical motorist who needs to watch the road especially hard this weekend, please, please stay safe.

Me and Thomas Paine-Who Knew We Were So Close?

About 10 years ago, I finally understood the love of learning. Unfortunately, this wasn’t at the start of my college career, but rather, near the end. If I’d had that passion for education in the beginning, I’d be lots smarter now-and it’d have been easier on me, too.

Instead of spending years procrastinating and trying to duck and run from academics, I could have just embraced learning for the knowledge and power it gives. Alas, it’s certainly not the only thing from my past I’d change!

Well, better late than never! This is why (like now), when I’m writing, when I’m working, when I’m relaxing-almost always, there’s some talk radio, news programming or human interest media playing in the background. Why? Because there’s always something more I can learn. Heck, just glancing up right now to pay attention to the tube will give me plenty of info on the Democratic candidate for President.

Whether it’s current events, history, economic markets, literature or human relationships, I just love to learn. That’s all there is to it.

One of my favorite singer/songwriters, Todd Snyder, has a tune that starts like this:

“They say 3% of people use 5 too 6% of their brain. 97% use just 3% and the rest goes down the drain. I’ll never know just which I am but I’ll bet you my last dime, 97% think we’re 3% 100% of the time!”

And, strangely enough, Snyder’s numbers are right in line with most studies. The occasional Einstein-ish genius may be in that 5% range, but, man, I wanna be there, too! I never will be, but I’ll die trying!

In my endless quest for nerdity and self-induced geekiness, today I started reading the classic Thomas Paine work, “The Age of Reason.” Now, don’t think me too nerdly because just this morning, I completed “Slash” by Slash, the former Guns N Roses lead guitarist (hey, we’ve all gotta have our vices, right?)

Anyway, who knew, but Thomas Paine and I are on the same wavelength! Or, we would be if he weren’t 200 years dead. The book begins with a bunch of biographical info about Paine. And, if you read up on some not-so-famous aspects of Paine’s life in things like Paul Harvey’s “The Rest Of The Story”, you’ll learn all sorts of new things about the patriotic statesman. Stuff like, oh, his wife was insane and he kept her chained in the cellar. But, I digress…

Back to biographical info. Paine was a self educated man who, in a single sentence, sums up my views on learning and education:

“I seldom passed five minutes of my life, however circumstanced, in which I did not acquire some knowledge”
-Thomas Paine

I can’t quite claim to live up to Paine’s high standards, but I can darned sure try from now on!

Talkin' Smack

Making promises I can’t keep is something I do NOT do. The biggest reason is, well, I just don’t like to be embarrassed.

For a kid who grew up when Mike Tyson was at his fighting best, I always got a little tickled before a big Iron Mike fight. Tyson would inevitably talk a whole bunch of smack about how he’d pound his opponent into the ground. Big words, but when you’re the heavyweight champion of the world, you can say such things.

Meanwhile, his challenger would be saying the same sorta stuff! Now, I’m no mathematician, but if there are two guys fighting, one will win, one will lose. Therefore, one of these smack talkers will be right, one will be proven wrong. Simple as that. Then, the loser not only has to deal with the loss of the fight, but the embarrassment of having had his mouth write checks his ass can’t cash.

The last month or more, the nation (and especially those of us here in Orlando) have been watching the Casey Anthony case. Quick re-cap if you’re not familiar:

Casey is a 22 year old mom here in Orlando. Her two (now three) year old daughter, Caylee, was last seen by Casey’s father in mid-June. Casey was then estranged from her parents until mid-July when, under pressure, she admitted her daughter had been missing for a month. Casey never reported her daughter missing, never once lifted a finger to help the police and sat in jail on a child endangerment charge and refused to help the investigators. Do you smell murder?

Well, you might…literally. Today, forensic evidence came back saying Casey’s car did, at one point, have a dead body in the trunk. More evidence she killed her own daughter seems to come out by the minute. All the while, Casey stonewalls the police.

A bounty hunter who has some TV fame has inserted himself into this case. The bounty hunter’s nephew is a bail bondsman and, with a donation from the bounty hunter, Casey is now out on bail. Any idiot knows the bounty hunter is on the case for self promotion, yet for the last several weeks, he’s claimed that the little girl is alive-AND that he’ll find her.

And how does that claim jive with today’s forensic evidence? It doesn’t! So, said bounty hunter comes off looking like a loudmouth ninny who talks before he thinks.

I guess if you don’t mind embarrassment, then feel free to say whatever comes to mind, whenever it comes to mind. As for me, I’ll learn from the mistakes of bounty hunter Leonard Pidilla and wait for the evidence (forensic or not) before making too much of a judgement. Or, if the judgement is made, I’ll keep it to myself.

Who knew? Listening works better than talking! Now, if we could just get bounty hunters and boxers to believe it.

Notre Dame College

What does a college do to increase enrollment by 500% in just a few years? To find that answer, you'll have to study Notre Dame College in Cleveland, Ohio.

I was honored to speak at NDC last night for their Welcome Week activities and, let me tell ya, NDC people care. Yes, they care.

Whether it's the administration, the professors, faculty, staff - every one's enthusiasm and commitment trickle down into the culture of what is NDC. Brian Emerson, my client and now friend, was my contact guy for this event. As we drove from the airport to NDC campus, I learned about the way NDC had almost died out several years ago, but now has new life breathed into the institution.

The students were some of the most kind, generous and courteous I've worked with in a long, long while. I'd especially like to thank Brian for the opportunity, but even more for giving me the opportunity to touch some lives.

Two NDC students (who shall remain nameless for anonymity's sake) spoke with me afterward. Both these young ladies have been touched by tragedy due to some horrible car crashes in the past. Both were so willing to discuss their pain, their experiences and their hopes for the future - and that's not easy to do with a stranger like me. You two are the reason I do what I do - to be able to put a positive element into lives that might otherwise be tainted by tragedy. Thank you for sharing your journeys, ladies, and please let me know if there's anything at all I can do for you in the future.

Thanks, NDC, for giving me an awesome trip back to Cleveland!

Don't forget to sign up to be friends on Facebook and MySpace!

Saint Leo University Community Day

Even through the conditions tropical storm Fay laid down, Saint Leo University's Community Day went off without a hitch! I was happy and honored to be the keynote speaker for Saint Leo faculty and staff, both from the main campus here in Florida, as well as the on-line programs around the country!

Thanks to Dr. Kirk, the president of Saint Leo, Father Michael and Father Stefan and Angela and everyone who made this such an awesome experience! Special thanks to David Persky for the opportunity to present, once again! I owe ya, Dave!

Saint Leo's core values of personal development, respect, excellence, etc. are so apparent in the faculty and staff-and I'm certain that carries over to the students, as well! Thank you, Saint Leo - I hope to be back in the not-so-distant future!

Fay, Fay Go Away!

Like a bad head cold, Tropical Storm Fay is still hanging around. Tuesday morning when I woke up, it was raining, just a good, soaking rain. No wind, nothing to be afraid of. Twenty minutes later, it was over. We kept an eye on the storm all day because, as you may have seen, Fay has been unpredictable. Tuesday around 6 p.m., the rains set in. Heavy, drenching rains with a moderate amount of wind. Nothing scary, just enough that’d make you want to stop driving and get out of the weather. At that time, Fay was heading west to east across the state and it was estimated she’d end up in the Atlantic where she’d turn into a hurricaine.

First things first, though, we had to get through the weather. Went to speak in Tampa yesterday and had moderate rains for the first half of the drive. On the way home, however, it rained the whole way. Now, I haven’t seen much of a forecast, but the rains are still coming (yes, still), the wind is as bad as it’s been and there’s water seeping in under the front doors. Certainly no flooding like you see on TV, but with all this rain, it’s gotta go somewhere.

Thus far, Fay hasn’t been a big deal. Keep your fingers crossed it’ll stay that way!

Preparing for Fay

Well, here we are. Right at the beginning of hurricane season and me, a mid-western boy, bracing for his first taste of a true blue ‘caine.

Like many people, I’m keeping an eye on the news and weather reports, trying to determine how bad it’ll get. Here in central Florida, we’ll be safe from a direct hit, but can (and probably will) get huge downpours and the flooding that’ll go along with it.

On Wednesday afternoon, I’m scheduled to be just outside of Tampa speaking at Saint Leo University. Right now, we’re keeping watch to see if Fay will swing out into the Gulf, or if she’ll come right up the middle of Florida from Miami or if it’ll hug the western shore and smack Tampa upside the head. Depending on what Fay does determines what I’ll be able to do. Saint Leo U is the emergency shelter for that side of the county and if Fay gets nasty, they’ll be using their resources to help displaced Floridians.

So, what do we do in prep? Several different things. First, we make sure all potential projectiles are inside. This means the grill, all lawn furniture, flower pots – anything that could be picked up by Mother Nature and hurled through a plate glass window. Let’s hope my neighbors do this, too! Second, we stock up on bottled water, propane, ice and non-perishable foods.

That’s the extent of what most folks are told who are in Fay’s path. Specifically here, we’ve got stacks of towels ready, heavy objects to set in front of doors and electronics away from windows. Plus, we have our “safe room”; a bathroom on the first level in the center of the house. No windows, extra towels and maybe, if we can fit it in there, a twin mattress to hide under (let’s hope things don’t get this bad.)

Provided we have power, I’ll be blogging and working all the while… but I’ll try to get some pics, too. And even with the potential danger and my fear of bad weather, it’s a little exciting! So, pics, blogs and stories coming at ya soon!

UMKC Roo Camp

Wednesday, Aug. 13 found me in the greater Kansas City, MO area presenting for the University of Missouri-Kansas City. But not just any college program... no! This was Roo Camp!

What is Roo Camp, you ask? UMKC's mascot is the kangaroo, and this retreat is for a select group of UMKC freshman who have a strong desire to get the most out of their collegiate experience. Roo Camp immerses the UMKC freshman into acquaintance activities, discussions on college life and exposes them to experiences most freshmen don't get.

The helmsman of Roo Camp is Steve Terry-hands down, one of the most unique and motivated clients I've ever worked with. Steve, it was truly an honor to get to know you and work with you and the UMKC students. I hope to get back to KC for some more great experiences with folks who have such a true zeal for life!

While at Roo Camp, I also got to hook up with my good friend, Leah Atkinson. Leah and I have been buds for a dozen years and we were so fortunate she was able to officiate our wedding last year. Great students, great connections, great friends – what an awesome whirlwind trip!

How I Want To Die

Do you ever think about dying?

I’m sure you have. At least, I think most normal people do. But what do you think about? The actual moment of death? Your funeral? Who gets what when you’re gone? The afterlife and whether or not it even exists?

Last week, my wife sent me a random message via E mail. One line. Just, “Did you know they sell caskets at Costco?”

As a matter of fact, I did not know that! Don’t ask me how, but yes, you can purchase caskets wholesale. As of yet, we haven’t run into any casket displays while buying bales of 48 rolls of toilet paper, but if it happens, I’ll let ya know!

We were joking a few nights ago with my stepson, Jordan, about how you can buy caskets at Costco. With fun-poking glee he said, “Yippie! Let’s go get matching ones for you and Mom!”

Really, I want my post-death stuff to be done however it’s easiest for the people doing it. But ideally? I’d rather be cremated. My thinking is there’s too much ground being taken up by dead people already. Someday, we’ll be forced to plant corn and vegetables over the top of graves-land will just be that much at a premium. But, I digress…

This brought up a serious conversation about post-death plans. Throw in the fact I just upped my life insurance and this is another reason the next stage of life (er, after life) has been on my mind. Also, my stepson is 18 and starting his freshman year of college in just two weeks. It was during my freshman year of college when I came about as close to death as I hope to come for, oh, another 40 years or so. So, yeah, death…

This morning while I worked out, I cranked up Todd Snyder’s “East Nashville Skyline” which contains my fav Snyder song, “Play A Train Song.” When I got this album three years ago, I did (and still do) consider that “Train” is the best song of the decade…at least, in my humble opinion. It’s a tune about Todd’s buddy who’d recently died. The imagery Snyder paints of his friend is haunting, to say the least, but the last few lines of the tune are exactly, EXACTLY the way I want to die. And, they’re how I want people to react when the inevitable happens to yours truly. Try this on for size:

“In television blizzard light, we broke into his place
We found him cold there on the sofa, a little smile upon his face,
And though I tried with all of my sadness, somehow, I just could not weep,
For a man who looked, to me, like he died laughing in his sleep…”

Ya know, call me nonchalant about the whole thing. Death is going to happen. Duh. To me, to you, to everyone. I don’t care so much about me, but I do worry about the people I’ll leave behind. Still, gotta be zen since, unless I get a Ouija board, there’s no way I can help them.

But isn’t the best way to help people once you’re gone to plan in advance? To live a good, loving, fulfilled life? To create meaningful relationships that foster good in the world? Then, when you’re pushing up daisies, you can rest with the knowledge you did some good in this world-and that’s far more important than who gets what when you’re gone, isn’t it?

Great Article from The Seeing Eye Navigator mag

Healing Hounds


It is a warm spring afternoon in a San Diego dog park; a perfect day for a select company of humans and canines to enjoy the outdoors. A young, clean-cut
Marine straight out of central casting, one arm in a cast, assists a woman to a seat at the crowded picnic table. His brother-in-arms rests in the grass,
lazily scratching the upturned belly of a yellow Lab while he describes the expression of sheer ecstasy on the dog’s face to the Lab’s visually impaired
handler.

This is no ordinary puppy play date. These are not ordinary dogs, and these are far from ordinary people. All are participants in “Guide Dogs Day Out,”
a project sponsored by Paws that Heal, a program pairing off-duty dog guides (including three from The Seeing Eye) and their visually impaired handlers
with active-duty military personnel recovering from significant physical or emotional illnesses. This first-of-its-kind program, managed by Seeing Eye
graduate Anne Whittington, is a combination pet therapy, therapeutic outing, and social reintegration activity.

The program, which began in September 2005, may never have happened if not for a fateful encounter between Whittington’s Seeing Eye dog Karl and an injured
Marine. Whittington, a registered nurse originally from Cleveland, Ohio, lost her vision to a rare autoimmune condition. For the past seven years, she
has worked as a diabetes educator, translating medical orders and teaching healthy eating and healthy lifestyle skills to military personnel at the Naval
Medical Center/San Diego (NMCSD).

“Karl and I were on an elevator,” recalls Whittington. “This Marine with a very pronounced stutter asked if he could pet Karl.” Normally dog guides should
not be petted in harness, so whether it was the late hour or a feeling that something momentous was about to happen, Whittington relented. When the young
man began petting the yellow Labrador retriever, his stutter “turned off like a light switch. He started telling me about his military experience and asked
if Karl could visit him and his buddies on the medical hold ward.”

The hospital already had a traditional pet therapy program for in-patients, but not for patients on “medical hold,” individuals well enough to leave the
hospital but not well enough to return to their military units. They live in barracks on the hospital grounds.

Karl and Whittington began visiting these patients as schedules permitted. In return, they would visit Karl in Whittington’s office. “They would actually
ask the receptionist if Karl was in,” laughs Whittington.

With the backing of Navy and Marine chains of command, Whittington approached members of a local dog guide group about formalizing the visits with wounded
military personnel. Two months after Karl’s chance meeting, “Guide Dogs Day Out” became reality. For the patients, participation in the program is voluntary.

The first Thursday of each month finds this special group in a fenced-in park. Out of harness, the dogs, off-duty and not responsible for guiding their
visually impaired handlers, visit with the wounded warriors. The service members, mostly male and mostly Marines, whose injuries range from serious combat
wounds to broken bones sustained in state-side training accidents, help prepare and serve lunch.

For the patients, the benefits go far beyond an outing in the fresh air with friends. Some have sustained catastrophic injuries, necessitating limb amputation,
and they may rely on crutches or other mobility aids, making social interactions feel awkward. “The blind people could not stare at my crutches,” one Marine
told Whittington. And the dogs are more interested in pats received from an artificial hand rather than the how and why of its presence. This form of therapeutic
outing – with mentors who can understand the challenges of “fitting in” and accepting oneself in social settings – can advance the rehabilitation process
as much as any medical treatment might.

Even though the dogs are “off duty” during these outings, the same strict rules of dog guide etiquette are observed. The military personnel may not feed
or rough house with the dogs, and the dogs must remain under good control by their handlers at all times.

Seeing Eye graduates Linda Gwizdak and Scott Leason have volunteered since the program’s inception and also volunteer in an offshoot of the project called
Guide Dog Day Inside Out, a weekly session for in-patients in the Medical-Surgical Department and the Mental Health Unit.

Whittington looks for volunteers who are able to focus on the needs of others and interact well with virtual strangers. The dogs also need to fit this
profile. Dogs must pass a three-level interview process and so far, only Seeing Eye teams have passed this high threshold.

“My dog Jake and I were evaluated and interviewed without even knowing it,” Gwisdak laughs. “I am so proud to serve these men who are serving our country.
We have fun, and if they aren’t smiling when they come here, they are when we leave.”

Scott Leason brings an added dimension to Paws that Heal. A Navy veteran, Leason can relate on a certain level to what the wounded service members are
going through. “Many of them feel they have let their units down. I am able to share my journey as an active and happy person who happens to have a disability.
It’s a win/win situation for everybody.”

Since its inception, close to 100 med-hold patients have participated in Guide Dogs Day Out and approximately 200 in-ward patients have benefited from
Guide Dogs Day Inside.

“I am blown away by the changes we hear about in these guys,” says Leason. He recalls one of the most profound changes in a patient’s behavior was from
a patient who had not left his bed nor spoken a word during his three days in the hospital. Karl spent 11 minutes creeping closer and closer to the patient
and once he had spent three minutes a foot away from the man, the patient reached out to pet him and began talking. His recovery sped markedly following
that, and when discharged, he credited Paws that Heal as being instrumental in his healing.

But the volunteers who bring their dogs agree that they too have much to gain from the experience. “We are three blind people giving back,” says Gwizdak.
“A lot of people think blind people are on the taking end of things, but we are giving back to our community. It’s a wonderful thing.”

Whittington’s hope is that Paws that Heal will serve as a pilot program and soon will be imitated at other hospitals, both military and civilian.

But for now, the off-duty dog guides are content to relax in that San Diego park, nuzzling new friends, healing unseen wounds, and asking only for praise
or an ear scratch as their reward.

Editor’s Note: Since this article was written, Karl has retired from work as a Seeing Eye dog and spends his days in retirement watching over a small sporting
goods store in Florida. Jake retired to the home of a hairstylist in San Diego. Whittington returned to The Seeing Eye to train with her new dog, Scout,
and plans to introduce Scout to the Paws that Heal program as he adjusts to his new life in California.


 

Impersonalized Service

This Monday, I woke up in the early hours feeling as though I’d swallowed a porcupine butt first.

Around noon, I could stand it no longer. Off to the doc in a box, I.E., one of those mini E.R. kinda places. There, I received about the most impersonal health care-ever.

When you go to any E.R., unless the condition is life threatening, it’s become all too well known that you might die of old age before being seen by a doc. Hence, the rise of these mini E.R.s and clinics designed to treat acute health issues. So, I knew we’d likely wait a while to see the doc, but I always like to know the monster I face. For me, time is a monster. Patience isn’t one of my strong suits.

I asked the secretary how long it might be to see the doc. “Three people ahead of you, so at least half an hour.” K, gotcha. That’s reasonable.

That 30 minutes turned into closer to 60. Still, no big deal-I’m sick, after all and I need the help. Then, I sat and sat and sat for at least another 30 (if not 45) minutes in the exam room. This is where things really got interesting!

When the doctor arrived, I was treated to such a lack of patient care that it created three chapters on what NOT to do for my next medical book. Here, I’ll only address one: facing the patient.

When the doctor was in the room, he sat with his back facing me, typing away on his laptop for the first several minutes. No introduction, no handshake, just straight to the work station with his face to the wall.

Then? His cell phone rang. And he excused himself to take the call. For the sake of everything holy, THIS was totally, TOTALLY unacceptable.

He returned a few moments later, sat down and started typing away again. He asked the stupid question, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how is your pain?” I’ll elaborate later (probably with an entire article or essay) on why this is so dumb. Finally, he got up to do the exam.

Granted, this is only a sore throat, maybe strep. He looked in my mouth for no more than three seconds, put his stethoscope on my back and chest for five seconds, pushed on my stomach for two seconds and we were done. End of story.

Health care has become so impersonal. Chalk it up to a multitude of things; including the possibility this doc was just having a bad day.

The thing I still can’t get past is facing away from me, the patient. How many of us would do business with someone who purposefully chooses not to look us in the eye? Even I, who doesn’t do the whole eye contact thing, am always cognizant to be sure I’m facing the person to whom I’m speaking. Just makes sense, doesn’t it? Why then would someone choose to turn away?

This just reinforces the cultural need to connect. It also reminds me, and hopefully you, how important it is to face the person you’re interacting with, speak with them verbally and be fully engaged in every form of communication. If not, it’s likely your conversational partner may end up feeling like I did: as though my presence wasn’t the least bit important.

Secrets, Screaming and Sylvia

Ya know, faithful reader, you’ll probably think I’m kinda a whack job. Or at least a flake. But here goes anyway…

My latest book has been “Secret Societies” by Sylvia Brown. You know Sylvia Brown, right? That narsty old gal who usually makes appearances on the Montel Williams Show, talking too audience members about their dead relatives and messages she (Sylvia) gets from her psychic guide, Francine.

So why would I be reading her book? A couple of reasons…

First, I’m a member of a couple of the different secret societies she discusses in the book(Freemasons, Shriners, Knights Templor.) Strangely enough, her information is well researched and accurate (way to go, Francine!) Second, while I’m no true believer, what little experience I’ve had with psychics is, well, uncanny and interesting in it’s accuracy. So, off I went to read!

Most secret societies have some sort of root in religion. Whether they’re orgs that date back hundreds (even thousands) of years, there seems to be a strong faith element. This is where the whole reason of the post for today comes in…

I read Sylvia’s part in a chapter tonight and these words struck me as undeniably true:

“I’ve always found that people secure in their belief systems don’t have to scream and criticize those who attack them. But those who are insecure in their faith always fight back…sometimes viciously.”

Folks, I have very, VERY strong opinions on faith. But that’s all they are-opinions. And faith is only faith. It’s not truth, it’s one’s own personal belief in something that cannot be proven. Hence, faith.

Yet, it seems (like Sylvia said) there is always a contingency of folks who scream the loudest. And these are the people who (I’m convinced) are actually pretty insecure in their faith and their very understanding of what they scream about. Ya know, the kind of people who’ll be on the offensive so they don’t have to be on the defensive. Sad. And illogical. And certainly no way to portray one’s belief system.

Who’d have thunk Sylvia Brown would give such good food for thought?

Reaction

When I give a keynote lecture, almost invariably someone will say, “Man, I could never go through what you went through…”

Almost invariably I’ll reply, “You don’t know what you can go through until you have to go through it.”

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about this whole missing child, stonewalling young mother casey here in Orlando. If not, here’s the quick and dirty details…

A 22 year old mother, Casey, did not report her two year old, Kaley, missing for almost a month. Casey is now in jail, charged with obstruction of justice, but no one seems to believe little Kaley is still alive. The cops are treating the case as a homicide, not a missing person.

Casey, the mom, is in jail, but will not cooperate with law enforcement and investigators, constantly giving them stories about a babysitter who is, from everything we know, fictional.

Enter stage left Casey’s mother, Cindy. Cindy is one of the most self centered individuals I’ve ever heard interviewed on TV (and that's saying something). Instead of being concerned with finding her granddaughter, she’s instead chosen to use her time in the limelight to complain about how the Orange County Sheriff’s Dept. has handled the case.

This is obviously the big story around Orlando-everyone is talking about it. I overheard a gentleman say, “Well, people keep complaining about how the grandmother is acting. But until you’ve been in that situation, you don’t really know what you’d do.”


Sound like anything you’ve heard before? You don’t know what you can go through until you have to go through it.

I totally, totally understand irrational, whack job reactions. I do. And people are forgiven for making things seem even more bizarre from initial reactions.

The thing is, the grandmother, Cindy, is saying this stuff a full two weeks after Kaley was reported missing. This is no longer a reaction, but exactly how this woman feels!

That’s the difference-reaction is temporary. Once reality has time to set in, THAT’s when the real truth comes out. And the truth here is (or so it seems) that Grandma Cindy is more concerned with her daughter’s incarceration than she is with working with law enforcement to find Kaley. Ridiculous.

We all are allowed to act badly at times. That’s what a reaction is. This, however, has proven itself to be NOT reaction, but reality.