Monday, January 19, 2009

E Mail Outbursts

Since the new year, I’ve been marketing like a madman. Figure with everyone back in the saddle of work again, it’s a perfect time to give my past and potential clients a reminder of who I am and what I do.

I belong to several different collegiate associations and use several different E mail lists for E mail marketing. I also keep a running list of anyone who replies and says, “Please take me off your mailing list.” And when they do, I, of course, honor their request.

This “Do Not Mail” list is one I’ve had for several years now. What I’m finding is interesting, to say the least.

See, sometimes it’s not, “Please take my name off your list.” Sometimes, it’s a tongue lashing, the likes of which may only be seen by the immaturity of trying to argue electronically. I used to get all offended by someone sending back a two paragraph rant about how they do not wish to receive unsolicited mail, how they have no interest, blah blah blah. Then, I just realized that if someone has to get that verbal about a single unsolicited E mail message that they’ve received no more than a couple times per year, well, that shows more about that person’s mindset than anything to do with me.

So, back to my interesting findings. As I go through these lists of “Do Not Mail Me” people, I’m finding they are no longer members of the associations. For whatever reason, their names aren’t on the list any more. If they were, I’d not E mail them, but they’re just not there.

No real idea if this is the case, but it does cause me to hypothesize a bit. And my bet is that he/she who sent me an ugly message wasn’t happy with his/her life. That person then, somewhere along the way, left that position for something that would take their stress level down a bit.

I decided long ago not to take those ugly messages personally. Still, that’s easier said than done. But it lends even more credence to my hypothesis when, just a year later, they’re no longer in the same role.

Do you take things personally? I do, usually. It’s a bad trait I’ve tried to diminish in myself…and it’s one that’s a constant struggle. But as I continue to do what I do, I’m just more convinced that when a mean commentary comes through, it’s more a reflection on that person than on me personally. If you have people/contacts in your life like this, too, I hope you’ll also begin to realize that outbursts aren’t about you, as much as they’re about the mindset of the person doing the outbursting.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Missouri Lifesaving Measures

Do you live in Missouri? Are you alive? Would you like to stay that way?

If so, please help support some initiatives put forth by my friends at the Missouri Division of Highway Safety and visit

www.SaveMOlives.com

Until it passes, Hwy Safety (and other safety groups) will continue to support primary safety belt lawss and this is a way Missourians can get involved in such a worthwhile effort.

Friday, January 09, 2009

War Should Not Be Normality

A few nights ago, I was having a conversation with my friend, Jim. Let me give you a little background on Jim and maybe you’ll see why our conversation was, well, perplexing…

Jim is in his early 60s, moved to Orlando from New York about a decade ago but Jim is not a native New Yorker. He was, in fact, born in Hungary. In the post World War II re-building time, his family fled Europe with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. While he wasn’t born until after the war and the horrors of the holocaust, Jim’s family (which is Jewish) wanted to leave the scars of the death camps behind. Hence, they headed west for the American dream…and they found it.

So, there’s his history. His today is a successful businessman and a voracious observer of current affairs. Politics, world events, the economy, if I want to know something that’s going on, I don’t flip on CNN-I ask Jim.

Yet, like we all do, Jim brings a bit of his own opinion to the table. With the whole Israeli/Gaza happenings as of late, I asked Jim’s opinions on what’s going on.

He said, “Well, today wasn’t a very good day. Hamass fired a rocket and when the Israelis returned fire, they hit a school being used as a shelter. I think about 35 people died.”

This is tough to relay. Not his words, but his tone. It was as if he were talking about a sick child who had a slight set back on the way to recovery. Nothing overly emotional, nothing too sad. Kinda like someone who had hip surgery and is told they’ll have to use the walker another week. Frustrating, but not at all devastating.

And yet? This kind of violence has accompanied Jim all his life. His grandmother lost several of her children in Auschwitz. Some of Jim’s earliest memories are of his grandmother just weeping and weeping for days on end. And throughout his lifetime, he’s watched the skirmishes, attacks and bombings involving Israel. I can’t say he treats it like an on-going soap opera, but his casual nature at word of dozens of people dying was disconcerting. And yet, when Israel, the center of the Jewish world, has been in constant conflict since it’s post World War 2 inception, it stands to reason de-sensitization would occur.

The rest of us (Gentiles, as Jim would playfully say) have never had to see our friends, relatives and those with whom we share a faith as attacked as Israel. And to that, I say…good. War should not be normal. An entire country should not have bombings, gun fire and war as an every day occurrence. People should not be so used to horrors and violence that the deaths of dozens are treated like someone breaking a dinner date due to illness.

This interaction just makes me sad. I hate that people have to live with an on-going threat of violence. I hate that more people in the world aren’t as lucky as we Americans who get to walk down the block without fear of being fired upon. And more than anything, it just makes me feel lucky.

Monday, January 05, 2009

"I Was Just Lonely"

A couple weeks ago, I had dinner with my new friend, Jason. Jason is a Sheriff’s Deputy. He’s been a cop for the last several years and, to me, the reason he’s been promoted and gets such respect is due to an attitude more cops should have. That is, not only the consummate crimefighter, busting down doors, making arrests, getting in shootouts - ya know, Miami Vice 20 years later.

Rather, Jason told me a story of one of the many 911 calls he responded to. See, if someone makes a 911 call, no matter what, the cops must investigate. Even if someone calls, hangs up, calls back and says, “Don’t worry about it… my cat stepped on the phone and dialed y’all”, the cops still go out.

One night, Jason was dispatched to a 911 hang up call. The caller didn’t utter a word, just dialed the digits and hung up. As Jason says, “These are the worst because you never know what you’re getting into.”

He and another cop show up at the residence. All is quiet, no outward signs of disrupt. They go up to the house, knock and are greeted by a middle aged man. Nothing seems to be the matter, so they ask, “Did you call 911?” He looked down and said, “Yeah, I did. I was just lonely and wanted someone to talk to.”

Folks, this caller is a Vietnam War vet. According to Jason’s unprofessional diagnosis, the vet is still plagued with signs of PTSD. He’s checked out from society, for the most part, but still desires that simple human interaction which everyone needs.

Upon learning there was no emergency, Jason’s partner turned to Jason and said, “C’mon… let’s go.” And he’s kinda right - there’s enough true crime going on that the cops can always have something to run off to. But Jason made him reconsider. “We’re not real busy tonight, let’s just hang out with him for a few minutes. It doesn’t cost anyone anything and might keep him from calling again later.” So, they did.

That proactive, compassionate community policing is the kind of thing we SHOULD be seeing on the nightly news… but sadly, we don’t. It’s not nearly as entertaining to the viewer as watching a SWAT team swarm in on a fugitive. It’s not as dramatic as a rollover crash on the highway. It’s not as fun as watching the cops apprehend the homeless schizophrenic who is walking down the highway naked. Yet? If there’s a problem in the neighborhood, do you think this vet will be there to help out the cops? You bet your badge!

More than anything (even more than Jason’s kindness), I’m struck by just how much loneliness there is in the world. When someone is willing to commit a crime (and dialing 911 in a non-emergency IS a crime) just because they need some human interaction, it just makes me hurt for those people.

What can you do with this information? First, look around. Who do you see who is lonely? Who do you know who may appreciate a five minute conversation? Then… is there any reason you can’t give five minutes of time to that person? And what else could you do to help them? Sometimes, just a smile is the best gift you can give!

Friday, January 02, 2009

Shriner Silence

Once per month, all Shriners from my Bahia Shrine Temple are supposed to attend the stated meeting. At a stated meeting, there’s lots of pomp and circumstance, along with the presentation of nobility, checks to the hospitals, reports on the work being done by each organization within the Shrine, etc. Stated meetings are important, but they are, in a word: BoR-ING!

After so much recognition of past presidents, discussion of some of the more mundane business, etc., I’m ready to sneak out and do something stimulating to my brain. Often times, too, a Shriner will have the floor to discuss an upcoming event, taking 30 seconds of necessary information and turning it into a five minute speech. Inefficiency is always one of my biggest pet peeves, so I’m usually chomping at the bit to get out of Dodge about halfway through the meeting.

At our meeting last month, our moderator recognized a fellow Shriner, Gary Bergenske. Gary is an extremely high ranking Shriner; so high that he’ll likely some day be the highest ranking Shriner in the entire international body.

About two hours into the meeting, the moderator recognized Gary and asked, “Gary, do you have any words of wisdom you’d like to share with the nobles?”

A cheer went up when Gary replied, “None whatsoever!”

Silence is golden…but after hours on end of useless jabber, it’s more valuable than gold. Maybe it’s platinum. Or titanium. Or diamond. Either way, knowing what the constituents want, then giving it to them, is the quickest way to gain the respect of an organization you lead. Gary knows this. Real leaders do. And leaders respect the time of their subordinates, not filling it with useless self promotion, just to hear him/herself talk. I, for one, am ready to bear hug anyone who’ll get me out of time wasting events…and I think when Gary gave his non-statement, there were about 200 other guys who were right behind me in line!

Remember…silence is sometimes the very best thing you can say!